Sex and the Single Mom
By Teri Worten
Single moms, more so than anyone, have to be exceedingly careful about the
type of man they select as life-long partners. No sensible woman wants to be
judged soley on her appearence or sex appeal, right? Moreoever, who would even
want a man mostly interested in sex without a real commitment, right again?
These questions create an age-old conundrum. Exactly, how does one find a guy
who loves them and only wants what is best for them? Let's take it up a notch.
How do you resist those natural impulses to throw caution to the wind and
break down and have sex?
For starters. . .
Read between the lines.
A wise person once said, Words carry a little weight, but
actions truly reveal the entireity of a matter. When you meet a new guy, be
especially observant of the kinds of things he talks about. Carefully listen
to his conversation. Remember, you can usually learn plenty about a person
simply by listening to them. If the conversation is laced with sexual
innuendos, that is your "red flag".
Where’s the fire...
Be leery of physical contact early in the relationship.
Someone who is overly "touchy" after knowing you for a short amount
of time might have less than honorable motives. Yes, some guys are
“touchy feely” with women. But think for a moment, if you marry
a man who can't keep his hands to himself, you are asking for trouble!
Let get real, here. As single moms, it's only natural to enjoy
the attention of men, but don’t allow loneliness or insecurity to
propel you into a relationship that may bring pain later. You are far too
precious for that, single mom.
Take your time with the physical stuff. Approach the dating
relationship the same way you would with a platonic friend. Save the kissing
or hugging until you really know the guy.
We often give away far too much too soon in our interpersonal
encounters. Don't be the type woman that every guy in the neighborhood knows
what it’s like to kiss and squeeze. Even if he says he loves you,
remember that love waits. Love is patient, love is kind and real love will
never disrespect you. Slow down, enjoy the progression of the new
relationship. There's no fire, so hold your horses!
God’s plan for you...
God has a plan and it's not about pointless denial. His plan
is first marriage and then sex after the legal, spiritual and emotional
commitment. When you create a list of rules for your kids, you do so to
protect them, right? Well, God is no different. He loves you and wants to
spare you unnecessary grief.
There is forgiveness....
If for whatever reason, you have engaged in a sexual
relationship outside of marriage understand that God still loves you. Our
blunders don't make Him love us any less. He desperately wants to put the
pieces of your life back together and make all things new again.
Living life "our way", guided by our emotions or
feelings, always brings disappointment and shame. However, God specializes in
such wounds. Allow Him to cleanse your pain and remove your guilt (read 1John
1:9). If you confess your sin, He WILL forgive it. He’s promised. The
next and most crucial step is for you to forgive yourself.
Our children rely on us to model appropriate moral standards.
Most wise moms advise their teens to abstain from sex before marriage. We
carefully explain to them the dangers of sex "now a days". We share
how abstinence protects us against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted
pregnancies. Taking this into account, why should we want anything different
for ourselves? Our children are growing up so fast. Our time with them is very
precious. Let's not taint it recovering from unecessary love-related
heartbreaks. Nothing is worse for children than to see their moms wounded,
hurt, bitter and dejected.
My mother recently told me, (relative to my health) 'a good
mother takes supreme care of herself for the sake of her children'. I think
the same applies to emotional health. Don’t run the risk of giving your
body and soul away only to be left with an empty bed and broken heart. It
really isn't worth it, single mom.