Mid-Life and Looking for a Guy? Help is Here
By Susan Dunn, MA, Midlife Transition Coach
Are all the "good ones" married? Are men your age only interested in women 20 years younger? Is it "impossible" to meet men?
Okay, although logic never convinces anyone of anything, let's counter some of these silly ideas. Yes, many good ones are married, but half of them will be divorced sooner or later. Some men are interested in women 20 years younger. It rarely works out and some men have to learn this the hard way. You can catch one when he's finally gotten a clue, if you're patient. My friend Sheila did. Is it impossible to meet men? Only if you're determined it is.
He's looking for you just as hard as you're looking for him, but he's not going to come knock at your door? I know men who've called long-lost loves, sometimes after 40 years. A telephone or email works fine and it can happen. If you heard the stories I hear as a coach, you'd know that anything's possible.
I was in marketing for many years, and it occurred to me that what you need is a marketing plan. If I were marketing an apartment complex, here's what I'd do: Interview the owner to find out what her goals were. Check out the curb appeal. Find out what the amenities were. Do a quick study of the competition. Write up a marketing plan, applying the fundamentals.
Now for the fun part - let's apply this to you and your search for Mr. Right.
WHAT YOU WANT?
What are you looking for in a man? Be specific. Make a list. Actually write it down. When you know what you want, you attract it. Write down the traits, qualities, values, appearance and so forth.
In the apartment industry, "curb appeal" means what the place looks like when you first drive up. So do an honest assessment of your curb appeal - what do they see when they look at you? Sometimes all you get is a first impression.
Do a makeover. If you need to, get a new hairstyle, get in top shape, get your nails done, and take a look at your wardrobe. Men fall in love with their eyes.
Work on your smile and your eye contact. A coach can give you tips on this. You want your inner light to shine. This means you must work on your attitude. Learn some optimism. It can be learned and you don't need a reason. Not only will you feel better, but you'll be more attractive to other people.
At an apartment complex, that's ceiling fans and hot tubs. For you, take a look at what you bring to a relationship. I'm not talking about material things, I'm talking about things that really matter. Make a list of all your good qualities. Zero in on two things that are unique to you and exceptional about you. Keep these in mind and project them.
THERE IS NO COMPETITION
Keep in mind abundance - there's someone for everyone, and the goal is to find a good fit, in which case, it really isn't a competition.
However, if you're a bit rusty, take a look around you when you're out because you want to be current. Make sure your curb appeal is up-to-date. Watch other women when they're flirting; there's a style to that as well. It will help you get in the zone to watch some women in action. Brush up on your flirting skills. Smile. Catch his eye. Work up some friendly opening lines to have handy.
You know how they say "multiple income streams"? Well, you're going to need multiple outgoing streams. Your plan is to meet new people. The good thing about this is that you'll collect friends and adventures, maybe even clients or a new job whatever else happens, so none of this is wasted.
Get out, attend, join and participate. If the doors are open, and people will be there, YOU be there. Assuming that you work, you have the noon hour, evenings and weekends.
Now here are some suggestions - and do them ALL:
- Join singles clubs and participate.
- Join and get active in a faith organization
- Go to any event open to the public - chamber of commerce, fundraising, Fun Runs, political, galas.
- Join the online dating services such as eharmony
- Let your friends and family know that you'd like some introductions to nice single men they know
- Be open to possibilities when you're out at the mall, grocery, and sporting goods store. Pay some visits Home Depot. Look like you're lost, and if you see a cute guy, ask him about torque wrenches.
- Visit art museums, go to the races and sports events.
- Join some sports places. Word has it workout gyms are not a good place to look (for either sex), but someone I know met a great guy when she was taking SCUBA diving lessons.
- Volunteer! And volunteer to do things that put you in a strategic location. My favorites are staffing the nametag table and serving as hostess or greeter. Everybody who enters must pass by me.
- Build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Mid-life guys love manual labor.
- Consider a goofy now-and-then job like doing the food demos in the grocery store on Saturday afternoon. Notwithstanding the silly "hat", you'll be in a prime position to look 'em over and hook 'em in. Or stock books in a bookstore one evening a week if you like guys who read.
- Take your dog walking in different parks, especially Saturday mornings.
- Set up a blog on an interesting topic.
- Guys are physical. Go kayacking, camping out, hiking or bike riding; join a tennis league.
- Hang out at Starbucks on Saturday
So there's your plan. Now approach it with enthusiasm and determination and remember to include all these things in your mix. Good luck!