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Is He A Loser?

By Teri Worten

1. He doesn't take care of his kids from previous relationship(s)

Any man that doesn't spend time with and financially support his children has serious "issues". Sure, some people have temporary financial struggles and can't pay their child support from time to time, but it should not and can not become an ongoing situation of neglect. A father should always work to take care of his children - period. If he's not even trying, then he's a loser in my book.

2. He is jealous and/or insecure

A jealous man is foolish.

Usually, the very qualities that make you appealing to him are the same qualities that make you attractive to others.

If your guy is often jealous, you have a few options. First talk to him about it. Reassure him that he is the only one for you. If his fits of jealousy become too severe, run, single mom, run.

3. He yells, hits or disrespects you (duh!)

No explanation needed.

4. He isn't interested in your children

This is a tricky situation. Surely, you don't want to expose your children to someone that isn't potentially a permanent (or long-term) fixture in your life, but by the same measure, you don't want to allow too much time to lapse before he meets your kids. Some people wait years and then are confused when the children are bitter, resentful and territorial.

You want a man who is interested in every aspect of your life. It's nice when a man endeavors to become acquaint with your children through you and your conversations about them.

5. He insists you always pay for your own dinner, movies, etc.

If a man wants you to pay for everything, go ahead and let the cheapskate go. Love is a two-way street. It's give and take. Sure, you should bless him with gifs, dinner or a movie from time to time, but if he insists that you pay for more than your share, then you should run, girl, run!

I love the old fashioned values. I'm a woman and I love being treated like a woman. However, dont' always have your hand out. Freely give and be a blessings.

6. He has bad credit and doesn't care

We've all made mistakes from time to time, but part of being an adult is taking the initiative to correct them. If a man is dodging bill collectors and complaining about their frequent calls - beware!

7. He doesn't respect his mother

You can always tell how a man will treat you based on how he treats his mother or his sister. If he's rude, crude and disrespectful to them, he will more than likely treat you the same way. Inquire about his relationship with his mom. If it's filled with drama or tension then tread carefully, single mom.

8. He insists on sex before marriage

Men who are overly consumed with sex are animals with no control - dogs in head! Again, sex is best when enjoyed in the confines of a marriage relationship. In spite of God admonishing us along these lines, most women can attest to the yucky problems pre-marital sex can cause when people jump into it without a legitimate commitment

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9. He doesn't encourage you to pursue your dreams

Some men are not interested in where you are going, only in where you are now. So, it's important to find a companion that is interested and supportive of the wonderful woman that you are developing into. Don't fall into the common trap of seeking a mate that is only "now" minded. Similarly, don't pick someone that is only good for your "now" season.

10. No Spiritual Foundation

Sorry, but I have found that men who are not Christians or of strong faith are usually oil to my spiritual water. God certainly had the right idea when He advised us to date only within our faith. After all, how can two effectively walk together unless they agree?

Ever heard of predestination? Sure you have, some have said that people are sort of "trapped" into circumstances regardless of how much they try to escape them. This type of thinking has kept many people stuck into substandard, fruitless living. Predestination does touch our life in some way.

In case you didn't know it, your future holds a life of health, wealth and prosperity. Good news, huh? God has made very specific plans to bless you and ensure that you have a bright future. So, don't ever settle for less than the best in any area of your life. You can go for the "gusto"!

Regardless of your past errors, there's always hope for a brighter future. Your present situation doesn't determine your potential. The power is in your hands to choose to take God up on his offer for a happy, love-filled life or to stay exactly where you are and settle for what you always got. It's all about choices.

Now, shake off the residue of your past errors and choose (there's that word again!) a full and joyful life for you and your kids. From this moment on, commit to make wiser decisions, pray more consistently and soar, single mom, soar!

As my pastor (George Westlake) tells us, mistakes are not fatal with God, everyone makes them and God is good at fixing them. Though the mistakes are not fatal, the decisions you make for yourself indeed can be.

Affirmation: This day I choose greatness and destiny because my present position will not define my future.

© Teri Worten
Teri Worten is a freelance writer passionate about guiding women toward reaching their fullest potential in Christ. Visit her at


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