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20 Things I've Learned from Raising Six Children

By Cheryl Moeller

1) Salt, pepper and milk are not fish food.

2) It's a bad thing when your child calls from camp and asks if it's a bad thing if one foot is bigger than the other.

3) If you mow the lawn with the basement windows open the carbon monoxide detector will go off.

4) The ceiling fan doesn't hold more than a 40 pound child and is not a substitute for taking your child to Great America.

5) Two kids cannot sit on top of the refrigerator, but one can.

6) A 10-year-old cannot run a mile without shoes but he can run a 1/4 mile.

7) A mother with three sons doesn't have that many friends who are mothers of all girls when the sons are young. The mother has more friends who are mothers of all girls when they reach high school age.

8) You get invited over less to friends and family's houses for Sunday dinner when you have six kids.

9) When the nurse says, "even though the white count is as high as Mononucleosis, it's only E coli," you shouldn't be happy.

10) Finger painting is a good hobby.

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11) Finger painting the front door is not a good hobby.

12) Green marker and a new couch don't mix.

13) Black marker and a new loveseat also don't mix.

14) The backyard swimming pool is not a bubble bath.

15) Pool filters do not like bubbles.

16) A dog who has been fed two packages of hot dogs can throw up twice his body weight.

17) Being hit with a marble from the second floor hurts more than being hit by a marble from the first floor.

18) The Easy Bake oven does not bake cookies fast enough for a family of eight.

19) "I hope you didn't forget I put the cell phone on the roof of the car" is not a good thing to hear when you are going 60 mph on the toll way.

20) A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.

© Cheryl Moeller
Cheryl Moeller is an outrageous Mom who wants to help save your sanity as a young mother (she's still looking for hers). She's been married to Bob for 28 years (he too believes a mind is a terrible thing to lose). Their six children reluctantly admit Bob and Cheryl are their parents and range in age from 8 to 25 years. They use psuedonames for obvious reasons: Duke, Missy, Pooka, Skippy, Megs and Kenzie. Cheryl has co-authored two books (which some call genius, others mere words on a page). Read more of Cheryl's comedy at Or you can contact her at momlaughs@gmail to speak at your next event with clean comedy. She's now a syndicated humor columnist with four online Mom's magazines with more in the future.


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