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"I Wonder"

By Carlyn McAllister

I wonder sometimes about the world around me. I can't do much more than that because, you see, I'm still a baby - a fetus, if you will. I grow every day inside my mother's womb, getting bigger and stronger. Sometimes I wonder what life will be like when I am finally born. I wonder if the sun will be so bright it will hurt my eyes. I wonder if I'll be afraid when I'm all alone in the dark - I've never been alone before. I hear a lot of noise out there. It makes me wonder if I even want to be in the middle of that. So much talking and singing and blaring - don't you ever wish for just quiet?

But even though it will be very different from what I'm used to, I can't wait to be born. To go out into the real world and become a person. I wonder what I'll be - maybe a doctor, a president or an astronaut. Or I could be a teacher or a coach. Being a pizza delivery man sure sounds like fun. But I've got plenty of time to decide. I've gotta grow up first - I need to feel the warm fuzzy blanket over me when it's cold outside. I need to walk on my own and learn how to read my first word. I want to climb trees and see how if I can go to the highest branch. I want to eat macaroni and cheese and see if broccoli can really hide in milk. I'm gonna play baseball and be the best pitcher you've ever seen on a first-grade mound. I'll cry when I break my arm and when a bully punches my nose. But I'm also gonna laugh when my dog licks my face and when my friends give me a surprise birthday party. And wait 'till you see my friends - we're gonna stick together and be buddies for life. Whenever they need me, I'll be there for them. 'Cause I've already figured out that life out there is challenging. It's hard to stick up for what you believe in and not get bullied. It's hard to say, "I'm sorry," when you're wrong.and "You're forgiven," when you're hurt by someone else.

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But isn't that what life is all about - showing people you love them? I mean, I'm only a little guy, but I already have a lot of love inside. I just need the chance to share it.

I guess the reason I'm telling you this is because I really wanna live. I don't want to almost see the daylight before you puncture my brain and stop my heartbeat. And it was gonna be my first breath on my own, too. You took everything from me - my future, my plans and life. I don't understand - I was created for something more than this. I don't want to die yet. I have a lot to live for! And you haven't even given me a chance.

So I still wonder a lot. But mostly I wonder if I'll ever really live.

© Carlyn McAllister
Carlyn McAllister loves to write, cook and decorate her room in pink. Her dream is to be a counselor at a crisis pregnancy center one day.


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