Attention seeking tantrums: HELP!

[Crissyanna]

Ok, so at what age did you notice the temper tantrums are totally control issues for your kid? Today, Dainie has been a terror (ok, the past week) and I noticed that during one tantrum that started while I was wanting to take a shower so we could meet Hubbs for lunch at work (he was leaving right after work for a judo clinic and isn't going to be home until like after midnight before going to work at ten in the morning) and I went in and told the girls they were doing a great job playing together in their room, thanked them for it and told them to keep it up while I took a shower. I don't make it ten feet away from their door when Dainie starts throwing a fit to end all fits because supposedly Moriah was hurting her. I get her removed from the situation, tell her to come to me if sister does something like that and she just goes nuts. It lasted fifteen minutes. I told her she needed to lay on mommy and daddy's bed until I told her to get up so we could go see daddy on his lunch break. She switched from screaming one second to let's leave now. Then, she left the bed, threw another tantrum and stopped it again when she noticed something else she wanted. We ended up not being able to go. Which was a bummer, but I couldn't take her out in public like that. Later, I did have to go and drop off some stuff at UPS and she threw another fit and it lasted until we got home and then some. She didn't want the snack that was offered, was thirsty but didn't want water, she threw herself on the floor and I just ignored it. She kept at it, until there was a knock on the door. It was the construction crew that has been resurfacing our streets and Dainie was curious about it and she went to the door and was just as nice as nice can be. During a run to the grocery store tonight, she was the best ever and so was Moriah. I thanked them for it and told them how much easier it is for mommy to shop when they behave like that and that they did a good job.

We think it is attention getting behavior and manipulation. Hubbs and I talked a bit on his break and he said from now on, we just pick her up and deposit her on her bed until she can come out and be sociable in polite company. Any other suggestions? Spanking hasn't worked with this, talking to her doesn't work, and she isn't attached really to anything special to take away. Sometimes praising her for doing good works, other times, it seems to remind her to start something with her sister and they get into it with each other. I'm at a loss of what else to try. The past few days has actually made me wish I put my kids in day care, which made me feel guilty of course.

Sorry for the novel and if I didn't make any sense. As you can see, it's been a long week around here and I am beyond totally frazzled.

[Cheeseburger]

The past few days has actually made me wish I put my kids in day care, which made me feel guilty of course.

Hey, I've been there too. We all have our harried, frazzled mom days when our kids just drive us up the wall. I don't have any advice on your specific situation but... this too shall pass. Pray about it, because I know God will have a good solution for you!

[Crissyanna]

Thanks Cheese. Been praying a lot today, and I did throw in the prayer for patience, which we know what that normally gets us.....more chances to practice

Thankfully they went down easy tonight with Daddy gone. The nights he has to close are always harder to get them down.

[Cheeseburger]

Originally Posted by Crissyanna

Thanks Cheese. Been praying a lot today, and I did throw in the prayer for patience, which we know what that normally gets us.....more chances to practice

Thankfully they went down easy tonight with Daddy gone. The nights he has to close are always harder to get them down.

lol... yes LOTS of practice... .

Sometimes if we had a really bad day, I'll try to make the next day more positive - more arts and crafts, reading, more time with mom, cuddling, etc... give positive attention before badness happens. of course chores fall behind, but I can catch up on those when the kids are on track and happy more easily than if they are constantly fighting me or each other and are grumpy, etc. and the kids are more obedient when they are happy, too.


I'm not perfect at implementation, though. lol

I don't know if this will help at all, but with our son, if he gets too hungry then he has a complete, total and inconsolable meltdown. We have to make sure that he eats BEFORE he's really hungry or he's too hungry to even know he needs to eat or drink something, if that makes sense.

We do a lot of picking up and depositing in his room too, then just walking away. We tell him that once he's ready to talk about it, he can come and find us... he needs to not be crying or screeching or anything when he comes to find us. Then we ask him WHAT he did wrong, WHY it was wrong, and what he can do differently next time. (we do that with all of them, actually, but he seems to need it the most. sigh.) If they don't answer the questions properly, or are rude and disrespectful, then they go back in the break...

Anyway, I don't know if that helps at all!!

[Crissyanna]

Thanks.

Jamma, we try and keep her well fed and watered. She isn't a picky eater thankfully, however recently she has been more adament on what she eats and drinks. Not sure if this is just a stage or because two of the kids in our small group are extremely picky (like won't eat anything at all) and I babysit occasionally for a kid who's food of choice is a peanut butter and honey sandwich and that is it.

Cheese, been trying to head it off before it starts, just sometimes that causes a meltdown as if it is a reminder that it has been awhile.

Trying to spend more time with just Dainie. She seems to be a time/ gifts love language while her sister is touch. It is amazing how different the two are. I might have to put the kids down, wait for the little one to go to sleep and the wake Dainie up sometimes for special times and do other stuff like that.

It doesn't help that we are also working on her not being so bossy and getting upset when people don't adhere to her imagination or her set of ideals.

Thanks. Don't know how I ended up with such a strong willed child.

[Annie]

I don't struggle with temper tantrums from my two year old or from my seven year old when she was younger. I'll tell you what I did that only took a few times. Maybe it will help you. With my oldest when she was younger I would not leave her in a "time-out" because I remembered as a kid that it just taught me to deal with my emotions by venting them out until I was calm. I prayed for a better way to deal and got an answer. If a temper tantrum was uncontrollable I would constrain her physically, firm, but not harsh or hurtful, and sit her in my lap, even gently covering her mouth and whispering over and over in her ear that she can choose a better way to deal with this and I love her too much to let her act this way. She would eventually, after realizing that I wouldn't allow her to throw her body or scream give in in a sort of surrendered way and be open to praying for a better spirit. I think God deals with us this way, not leaving us to vent it out but constraining us or putting gentle loving pressure until we are ready to soften to his spirit's influence, and he never leaves our side. My daughter now at seven thanks me continually for helping her have victory over her emotions, because I still help her through struggles in different ways now.
My two year old has never had a full out temper tantrum. I restrain her when she demonstrates a bad attitude and gently whisper in her ear "you can choose a better way, say 'yes mommy, I will'." When she does this I say in a delighted voice "Oh what a sweet girl!" She responds well to this.
I don't know if this is helpful, but prayer was the key. God has a million ways.