How do you react to other kids bullying your child?

[NatesMom]

Hi,

Here's my dilema:

Took my son to this DSNY Extravagnaza - where there were many activities set up for little ones - one being a sandpit.

My son who is 16 months old - was happily playing by himself when he was approached by a really mean kid. How does one parent (me) respond when another child bullies your kid. She walked over to Nathan - pulled the bucket from his hand - screamed "MINE" and walked off - her dad saw this - said something about sharing - and left it there. Nathan started pointing and at her and started baby talking to me - I did not know what to do! I told him that she was a naughty girl who did not know how to share. Her dad just glared at me. After 10min. she trolls over to Nathan and starts poking him with a spade! I lost it! - I told her in a firm voice - "Hey - Stop That!" - her dad rescued her - not saying anything to me. She must have been about 3years old - she went off and started bullying some other kids.

As a Christian parent - how should I have responded? I'm trying to teach my son about sharing,etc. Should I have approached this little girls parent - what should I have said to him. or did I do the right thing here?

[ChelleFish]

In my opinion, you handled it very well.

We were at a mall play area this summer when we noticed that my son (then just two) had tried to push in to play with somehting one the wall that another little girl was playing with. As I walked over to correct him, her father said to my son, very nicely, but firmly, "That was not nice." When I got there, I said, "That is rihgt, you were not nice. She was playing there first. Tell her you are sorry," and I walked him over to her and made him hug her. The father said thanks you to me and I said thanks to him.

It was nice that we handled it that way. Now, if he had screamed at my son or grabbed him (unless my son had put his duaghter in danger) it would have been a different story...

[NatesMom]

Hi ChelleFish,

Thanks for that - I will remember what you did should my boy do something like that.

[tobikay]

When other kids are mean to my children, I grab them by the hair, shake them and tell them exactly what I think of the situation, then I throw them accros the room. Then I wake up from my trance....realize that I am a grown up in a "civilized" society and handle the situation much like was mentioned in previous posts. Unfortunately I have to live out my urges to protect my perfect babies first, thank God for fantasys.

[NatesMom]

Originally Posted by tobikay

When other kids are mean to my children, I grab them by the hair, shake them and tell them exactly what I think of the situation, then I throw them accros the room. Then I wake up from my trance....realize that I am a grown up in a "civilized" society and handle the situation much like was mentioned in previous posts. Unfortunately I have to live out my urges to protect my perfect babies first, thank God for fantasys.

almost had me there!

[breezykc2]

Tobikay! Awesome! Yes, that's exactly what runs through my split second mental escape/trance too! LOL
I've had the situatuion with my little guy when older toddlers were being too rough and just mean...I gave the parent the time to step up and handle it and if they did not step to the plate....I spoke to the other children and told them that they need to play nicely with gentle touches/share/kind words....making sure the other parent could hear what I said...then purposely made eye-contact with the other parent and removed my child from the situation or stayed right with him and played there to monitor for awhile......
I think what you did was good!

[Madre]

Originally Posted by NatesMom

Hi,

Here's my dilema:

Took my son to this DSNY Extravagnaza - where there were many activities set up for little ones - one being a sandpit.

My son who is 16 months old - was happily playing by himself when he was approached by a really mean kid. How does one parent (me) respond when another child bullies your kid. She walked over to Nathan - pulled the bucket from his hand - screamed "MINE" and walked off - her dad saw this - said something about sharing - and left it there. Nathan started pointing and at her and started baby talking to me - I did not know what to do! I told him that she was a naughty girl who did not know how to share. Her dad just glared at me. After 10min. she trolls over to Nathan and starts poking him with a spade! I lost it! - I told her in a firm voice - "Hey - Stop That!" - her dad rescued her - not saying anything to me. She must have been about 3years old - she went off and started bullying some other kids.

As a Christian parent - how should I have responded? I'm trying to teach my son about sharing,etc. Should I have approached this little girls parent - what should I have said to him. or did I do the right thing here?

There seem to be a few things going on here. I'm assuming the pail was part of the sand pit scene and not the other child's? If so, then you could have approached the dad (as though he was unaware) and ask him nicely if you could have the pail back. Or you could let it go and chalk it up. I don't think I would have told your son in the dad's earshot that his daughter was a "naughty girl". It's such a temporary scene and not worth it to try and teach anyone any lessons.

Also, I don't think this situation had anything to do with sharing at all. Your son was playing alone with a toy, another child grabbed the toy away and all of a sudden, it's an issue of sharing? No, it's an issue of a child being allowed to be overbearing. Frankly, I don't think that a child always has to share what he's playing with.

As far as the poking incident, I would have stopped it by taking the spade away from the other child or doing what you did. I would have then said, "You need to go back by daddy."

[relivin]

I have had instances where other children took toys away that my dd was playing with. Personally, I thought their own parent's should have reprimanded them but what I did...was divert my dd to something else. I told her that's okay...we'll just play w/ "this". In real life...we all have had things done to us that is unfair & I really thought long & hard that I would rather teach my dd that sometimes things aren't fair but how are we going to handle that? My dd doesn't take anything away from other little kids & for the most part she shares really well. She still gets upset when other children take her toys but now she doesn't cry very long & finds something else. That has worked really well for us.

Also, there was another incident...my little nephew is horribly mean. When my dd was only 4 mo old (he was 2 1/2)...I was changing her diaper & he came over squated down & SLAMMED a truck on her head!!!! I was absolutely mortified!!! At that time...all I could think was my baby okay??? I wasn't thinking of reprimanding him at that point. My sister walked in shortly & all she did was make him kiss my baby. He never learned his lesson. What I did as a result...I know the parenting/correction on that side wasn't changing the behavior of my nephew & since I felt he really could be a danger to my dd...I never took my dd over there. I would allow my nephew to come to my home where I could discipline him in my own home but I never let him be alone w/ dd. I felt that was appropriate for that situation.

I am really shocked at how little other parents let their children get away with & KNOW what their children are doing but refuse to address it!!

[Mab]

Originally Posted by tobikay

When other kids are mean to my children, I grab them by the hair, shake them and tell them exactly what I think of the situation, then I throw them accros the room. Then I wake up from my trance....realize that I am a grown up in a "civilized" society and handle the situation much like was mentioned in previous posts. Unfortunately I have to live out my urges to protect my perfect babies first, thank God for fantasys.

NatesMom: I think you handled the situation well.
I too, am sometimes unsure of when/how much to react, you don't want to OVERprotect your child, and they must learn to stand up for themselves - you won't be next to them 24/7 - every day of their lives.
but if an older/bigger child starts to pick on/bully a younger child (even animal), and the parent does not care - then i tell the older child that they not being nice or whatever - give them an explaination about how they should behave. some older children think it is a joke - and would just laugh, then i would go as far as remove whatever object was causing the offense.
but if the children are the same age/size - i give them a little time to try to sort it out before rushing in to the rescue. Then, I would step in and talk the scene over, explaining what they did was wrong, and where they acted right etc or how they should behave etc. (given them a little lesson in life)
but nothing upsets me more than seen a child hurting/mistreating a child much younger than them or an animal - i don't care who the people/animal invovled are - if the parent does not step in - I do! (otherwise i would normally leave the parent to disipline their own child)

[harmony5]

Originally Posted by relivin

I am really shocked at how little other parents let their children get away with & KNOW what their children are doing but refuse to address it!!

This pretty much sums it all up in my opinion. A lot of parents--not all by any means-- but some just don't want to address the problem thinking it is a stage or whatever and that it will eventually go away. I have a nephew who is hateful as he can be to any other child around him even his own brother. He takes everyone's toys. He won't let anyone play with anything unless he is right there on top of the situation. If someone starts to play with something, even if it isn't his, he grabs it out of the other child's hands, etc. His mother thinks that is "just what toddlers do". Well, he is 3 and should know better. Anyway, like you said, it is shocking what parents let their kids get away with. I think you handled the situation well. I am never one to say anything to someone else's child especially if the parent is right there. I wait for the parent to step up even though that doesn't always happen. I do make my son respect other people. Yes, he has taken toys from other children but I make him give them back and apologize, which in his mind is giving a hug.

I like the idea someone else said about diverting your child's attention to something else when something like this happens. Maybe getting him interested in another toy will take the focus off how big a brat the other child is!

Lori