Forgiveness

[imported_rachel]

We had a great thread from Spring 2004 on forgiveness, but I can't find it. These are the bits and pieces of similar threads:

Forgive As He Forgave

It seems like sooner or later everyone gets mistreated and hurt. Many times the actions against us are unintentional, but other times they can be extremely malicious. Suddenly, this hurt begins to invade every other area of our life. We carry a heavy burden which we know we don't deserve - and which we certainly don't desire to keep - but it's a burden we can't seem to let go.

There is only one true way to relieve the burden of our hurt, and it always begins with forgiveness. True forgiveness can be difficult and require great humility. We want the other person to first ask (maybe even beg) for our forgiveness. We would like them to admit the hurt they caused; and, if we are honest, we probably would prefer them to suffer...just a little. But this is not in God's plan.

Colossians 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

If we have come to a saving faith in Jesus Christ, we have first come face to face with our sinful nature. Without an understanding that we are full of sin, we will never reach out for a savior. And if we have experienced the true meaning of God's love, "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8), we will be compelled to forgive others. When we truly understand His forgiveness, we WILL forgive others!

Jesus told a parable of a man who failed to forgive a small debt when his master had just forgiven him a much greater debt: "'Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed" (Matthew 18:33-34). Do we really understand how much we have been forgiven? Or our inability to repay? Yet, our debt has been completely forgiven by grace through faith in Jesus and we are now commanded to forgive others.

God established the standard for forgiveness. We are not called to forgive because someone deserves or has earned our forgiveness, we are called to forgive simply because God first forgave us. When we forgive, we must strive to make the forgiveness complete; "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" (Hebrews 8:12). Though we may carry a healthy level of new caution as the relationship continues, we must never place conditions on maintaining our forgiveness.

There WILL be times when we are burdened with hurt. But let's not seek revenge or try to withdraw and hide our pain. Let's follow the commands of God's Word and be set free! Let's grow closer to our Heavenly Father and see through His eyes. Let's share His love and forgive as He forgave.

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In the message "Forgive As He Forgave" we saw that our forgiveness of others should be based on recognizing the magnitude of forgiveness we've been given through faith in Jesus. A true understanding of God's mercy toward us compels us to be merciful to others. But still, forgiveness remains difficult and somewhat ambiguous. Some hurts last sooooo long!

There are those today trying to forgive child abusers, murderers, habitually unfaithful spouses, and a whole list of emotional and physical pain. How do we truly forgive when it hurts so much? And how do we know when we've properly forgiven?

Ephesians 4:31-32 &quot;Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.&quot;

All forgiveness begins with a belief that God desires us to forgive in any situation; &quot;If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins&quot; (Matthew 6:15). If we are unable, or unwilling, to forgive, we need to spend more time reflecting on the forgiveness of Christ. Do we really understand? Do we really believe? Our ability to forgive identifies our focus: Is our priority on Christ or on our own needs and desires, hurts and pain?

But forgiveness is not simply saying the words &quot;I forgive you.&quot; Rather, forgiveness is canceling the emotional debt. It means we love and earnestly pray for blessings in their life; &quot;Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you&quot; (Matthew 5:44). We should be able to think about the other person without bitterness, rage, or anger. We should be able to pray for an increase in their ministry or business, more peace in their family, and a closer relationship with Jesus. It's amazing how much healing takes place in our own heart when we pray for those who have caused us pain.

However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean a relationship must continue as if the hurt never occurred. Our heart may be free of all anger and bitterness - we may earnestly pray for the one who caused us pain - and yet, we no longer trust or enjoy their company. My forgiveness of a child abuser does not require me to leave my children in their care. I can love with a Christ-like love and pray without anger and yet guard my physical body and emotional and Spiritual heart.

It's unfortunate, but most of us are carrying some bitterness toward another person today. These burdensome emotions should not continue in the heart of a Child of God, and the only road to release them is through the gate of forgiveness. Let's ask God to purify our heart. Let's refocus on the cross and release our burdens to Him. Let's honor our Father by showing the world what it means to forgive.

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Jesus told a parable about a servant who had an enormous debt canceled: &quot;The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go&quot; (Matthew 18:26-27). But when the servant went away, he refused to cancel the relatively minor debt a fellow servant owed him; &quot;Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt&quot; (Matthew 18:30).

Jesus used this parable to show that unless we completely forgive others from deep within our heart, we have failed to understand the forgiveness we have already received; &quot;Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?&quot; (Matthew 18:33). Any &quot;sin&quot; which others commit against us is small and insignificant when viewed in light of the many true sins we have committed against God! We have been forgiven sooooo much!!

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There were two scenes in particular that we will be using as teaching lessons once the movie is on DVD. The scene where Edmund is rescued and brought back to Aslan's camp. The children come out to Aslan talking to Edumnd in the distance. Edmund comes down to the children and Aslan walks up and says....paraphrased...."what's done is done and is in the past. There is no use talking about it"
Forgiveness wrapped up in ONE LINE.

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

This is one of those Scriptures we like to bypass. We don't like to spend too much time examining it. It makes us very uncomfortable. We all have had our share of forgiveness battles. We have all been wronged on some level....some more than others.

We seem to have this need to hold onto our anger and unforgiveness. We even make excuses for ourselves. Unfortunately, none of our reasonings can change the infallible Word of the Living God. Jesus makes it crystal clear: Forgive and be forgiven. Do not forgive and you will not be forgiven.

It's more that John 3:16 and 1John 1:9 sisters. It's about being obedient and giving the same as we are seeking. Why should we be pardoned if we will not pardon an offense? Well, we will not. We must take the words of Christ VERY seriously. We must develop a forgiving heart and release our hurts and anger to the Lord. We must obey this command. If we do not, then we are playing a game that does not have a happy ending.

Remember this: We are NEVER hurting the offender when we harbor unforgiveness, we are ONLY hurting ourselves!

I am leaving two links to a Forgiveness devotion that we had in August. Take the time to study this topic further. You may be surprised and you will be convicted and I pray set free!

Forgiveness, part one - Biblical examples of forgiveness

Forgiveness, part two - The cost of unforgiveness

Let's pray,

Daddy God, please help me to forgive as I have been forgiven. Please help me to develop in this area. Help me to let go and give it all to You. Forgive me for holding onto anger and bitterness. I release it all to You right now, by faith. I believe that You will set me free as I release it to You. Help me to die to unforgiveness EVERY day. I love You, Lord. And I want nothing to hinder my growth or relationship with You. Thank You. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

In His Love and Service,
Lara ;)

Yes the Bible tells us that unless we come before God with a clean heart (i.e. not harboring unforgiveness) He will not forgive us:

red mark 11:25-26

So, give it over to God. Sometimes He request that you involve the other person, but I believe most of the time truly giving it to Him is what He wants the most. If you are truly seeking forgiveness for sins committed against you, your heart will soften towards that person just in the course of giving it over to God.

Here is where the forget part comes from: read romans 4:5-8

Here is my humble opinion on forgetting. First its hard to forget and second, when you do remember take it as a nudging from the Holy Spirit. Maybe there is something or someone that triggered that memory of hurt. When it comes up in your mind the best thing to do is to turn it over to God right then and there. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's like God saying &quot;dear, we aren't there yet but don't let it fester, give it to Me&quot;.

I found this quote from Stu Linder in an article over forgiveness in marriage from crosswalk.com. I think it really gets to the heart of forgiveness:

Why is it so hard to develop an attitude of forgiveness? Satan preys on our sinful pride that manifests itself in the form of a reluctance and inability to readily forgive and forget, so he magnifies the injury and constantly reminds us of the injustice in an effort to encourage us to either seek vengeance or vindication. God, however, is responsible for dealing with both those issues, so if we truly trust in God and don't lean on our own understanding, we will know that His perfect justice will prevail. We won't need to keep a record of wrongs, nor will we need to refer to our list of rights as a means of preventing future injury.

What is truly exciting is that God has not only given us motivation to forgive others, but He has also promised to provide a blessing which is in direct proportion to the severity of the hurt we have forgiven. Jesus told us that if we don't forgive, we will not be forgiven, and He has promised that those who show mercy will receive mercy. I know I certainly want mercy, not His justice.
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/minis...s/1203414.html

I would guess that forgiveness is a huge stumbling block for all Christians, especially woman. We tend to harbor emotional things longer than men. I can speak from experience when I say that giving it over to God is the most freeing experience I have ever had.

I really don't know exactly how I have overcome it (most of it). It has taken years and years of prayer and forgiveness. I do think it starts with forgiveness and I don't think that you necessarily have to confront him about it to resolve this. I really think a confrontation will cause more trouble than it's worth, and it won't make you feel anybetter.

I wish I had the perfet answer, but just start praying about it. I do this. Whenever I am lacking in the grace,mercy, and forgiveness department, I just go look in the mirror. I think, man if Jesus can forgive me, then I really should be able to forgive others too.

It's just gonna take a lot of time and prayer, above all else. You're gonna have to deal with this from the inside out, and not from a confrontation with your family- if you really want to resolve it.

....I can't even begin to tell you the bitterness I was living with until my daughter was born. A real motivating factor for me was that I didn't want it rubbing off on my daughter, and I didn't want her to see that out of me.

Whenever I am lacking in the grace,mercy, and forgiveness department, I just go look in the mirror. I think, man if Jesus can forgive me, then I really should be able to forgive others too.

http://www.justbetweenus.org/9_03/bitter_no_more.html

http://www.justbetweenus.org/9_03/wrestling.html

[mamaroo]

As I read this thread on forgiveness it occured to me that even though in my mind I thought have forgiven someone, I still harbor negative feelings toward them. Everyday I feel the burning, the anger and resentment...I haven't truly forgiven them. I still speak ill of them on occasion. I certainly haven't been praying for them. Give it over to God...I never quite grasped how to turn my emotions over to Him.

[stephwhiz]

It's easier said that done, to forgive and forget. I know that anger only hurts me but I still have a hard time letting go of it. I pray for that "release" but then the devil will start reminding me of it just as I am about to "let it go". I just try not to take things too personally and just remember that others are only human too and make mistakes. Stephanie

[jamma]

I really don't think we're supposed to forget. Yes, we are to forgive, I mean, look at our forgiveness! But, if we didn't remember what happened, then we wouldn't learn from it.

I think remembering while forgiving is important, otherwise we'll forget the lesson that we were supposed to learn during the incident.

The forgiveness comes when you can honestly wish the person well. Pray that they will be blessed.

Just my opinion though!

[maria]

I really don't think we're supposed to forget. Yes, we are to forgive, I mean, look at our forgiveness! But, if we didn't remember what happened, then we wouldn't learn from it.

I think remembering while forgiving is important, otherwise we'll forget the lesson that we were supposed to learn during the incident.

The forgiveness comes when you can honestly wish the person well. Pray that they will be blessed.

Just my opinion though!

You know, jamma, that does make some sense. Forgiveness is one of my very weak areas as a Christian...and the forgetting part...uhmmm- even worse! I would think it is okay if you don't forget as long as the "remembering" doesn't cause you to still get upset about it and harbor ill feelings.

I would love to hear more on this.
Maybe we could have some scripture reference to this subject. I'll look into it too.

[maria]

I've just read Romans 4:5-8. Maybe I didn't comprehend it well but I don't see much on forgetting.

[imported_rachel]

Maybe the 'impute" part? You might have to ask Lara/MomsofFaith to expound once she re-registers. She's been having a lot of computer problems. Seems many christian mom sites got hit by some sort of cyber tsunami!

[Madre]

"Forgive and forget" is not necessarily in the Bible. I would generally go with "forgive", but don't "forget". However, after looking at these verses, I think a case can be made to forget as well. After all, if the Psalmist asks God not to remember, then perhaps, we should ask Him also to help us to forget


Gen. 41:51
And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house.

Ps 25:7
Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O LORD.

Ps 79:8
O remember not against us former iniquities: let thy tender mercies speedily prevent us: for we are brought very low.

Isa 43:25
I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins

Isa 64:9 -
Be not wroth very sore, O LORD, neither remember iniquity for ever: behold, see, we beseech thee, we are all thy people.

Phil. 3:13
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

[Madre]

Ok, as Fagin would say, "I am reviewing the situation." I definitely don't think we should revisit our hurts over and over until we forget that we have forgiven, but perhaps memory is valuable. The very fact that God is able and willing to forget our sins is wonderful, but shouldn't we remember out of wisdom?

Scenario: Lucy holds the football for Charlie Brown so he can kick it. However, every time she pulls it away just as he is about to kick it and he falls on his back. Definitely Charlie should forgive her, but should he continue to go back for more?

Scenario: You're in grade school. Every single day as you walk down the hall to your room the class bully knocks you down and steals your lunch money. You forgive him, but if there is an alternate route you can take, wouldn't it be wiser to take it?

So, memory is a gift from God. If you keep touching a hot stove and getting burned, you don't kick the stove; you quit touching it.

Anyway, just thinking out loud. Anyone else?

[imported_rachel]

I've probably had 100's of "fights" with mom and dad, siblings, etc., which we made over and forgot (at least, it would take truckloads of coffee and therapy to remember them!) But it's harder when the fight is about something extreme, or when it's not family or friends that you've loved most of your life. Maybe that is why we're asked to bless, pray for and speak well of people who've hurt us? If we act in love, we could eventually feel enough love to.. perhaps... forget, or at least not hold it against them and not dwell on it.