Sisters and friends...

[GenLovesDen4ever]

Yesterday, I invited a friend of Sophie and Julie's to come over who they havent seen from school in a long time. Sophie was pretty excited but when she came over and the friend started playing with Julie, Sophie wanted to play on her own and in the end was crying because Julie always takes her friends away. I think Sophie is intimidated (or something, help me out) by her sister's outgoing personality that she draws herself out of the situation and lets Julie have the reigns. Anyone experience any of this with their kids or with their sisters. They are twins and both are gorgeous but I bet Sophie thinks Julie is prettier. Or this is something I would face as they get older. Julie is good at doing cartwheels, runs faster, is amazing at gymnastics, and Sophie is a bit jealous I think. How should a mom tread in something like this? I am already attempting to focus on what Sophie is good at. We talk about the fact that - Yes Julie is good at ... and maybe you're not, but you are good at.... I dont know if that is any consolation to her. She has a wicked sense of humour and she is very clever, she gets the jokes when julie doesnt.

anyway... talk to me. you ever deal with this?

[GenLovesDen4ever]

IMO you're doing a great job and she'll become more secure in herself in time.

Yeah, thats what I thought. Im doing a great job.... jk, she will become more confident I can see it happening. I was thinking the other day or week or something that she will be one who takes a while to actually feel comfortable in her own skin but she will get there. Yesterday was just really bad. She has been like this all her life. Since being a baby. She was walking later than Julie. Dh thought she was slow, but she was watching to see how to do it right, lol. Bless her cotton socks, she is such a sweetie! My little sophie, my little blessing!! She is just lovely!

[stephwhiz]

I think it is normal for children to compete with each other and especially twins. I have noticed with twins there is always one that is more outgoing and more self-confident than the other. I think you are doing the right thing by stressing what each is good at and encouraging them that way. Stephanie

[PATTIPEANUT]

I have a sister who is 2 years older than me and when we were little, I was just like your daughter. I constantly felt in the shadow of my sister and was not nearly as outgoing or confident like she was. However, I eventually came into my own and now can say I am a confident, well-adjusted adult. But boy where those years miserable for me. At the age of 5 I had to start wearing glasses so many of the kids made fun of me which made things tough. But knowing I had parents at home who loved me ( I was especially close to my mom and am still close to her today) helped out alot. I will be praying for your girls and your situation.

[justmeNmine]

I agree with what the other ladies have contributed here. One other thought or memory I had of being a kid was that when we had friends over, we usually each had someone to play with (me and my two brothers). Would it be possible for two kids to join your two so there isn't the third wheel thing going on?

[stephwhiz]

I agree with Andrea--there's a third wheel when there are three kids. I would invite 4 kids and maybe things will go smoother next time. Stephanie

[crys]

I absolutely agree with the other moms. You are doing a great job. Even that you notice and try to balance things is a triumph.

One thing I try to do is offer public complements specific to that child. At the library I love to tell the librarian, "Carley sure loves books! She's a girl after my own heart." Carley grins but isn't expected to do anything with that comment. When I left Sarah at camp I told the cabin counsellor that Sarah is the biggest helper she'd ever meet.

I guess what I try to do is to reflect different facets of their personalities back to them, through impartial eyes.

Your girls look like they are full of love and life. What joys they must be!

[GenLovesDen4ever]

Thanks ladies. My girls are doing much better. Sophie is actually gaining confidence as time wears on. Since taking them out of school we've had our ups and downs but things seem to be starting to pan out nad they are actually doing much better than they were.

[mamaroo]

Oh how my heart aches for you Gen, and your beautiful daughter! I too was a child hidden in other peoples shadow. First my older sister, then a close friend in highschool. Some people just radiate a certain energy that draws people in. My daughter is like that, so now maybe I hide behind her strong personality.

What helped me was studying personality traits. There are quite a few books about personality types by Christian authors...These books helped me understand my strengths and weaknesses. For instance, I'm much more likely to keep quiet if I'm upset, so I have difficulties with communicating with people when I know I need to be assertive about anything. On the other hand I'm sensitive to others emotions and boy can I keep a secret!

By encouraging your Sophie's strengths, you are giving her a tremendous boost. Its so easy to lose sight of our own special gifts when we are focusing on the wrong things. She's very lucky to have such a caring and supportive mom.