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Thread: dealing with defiance

  1. #1

    Default dealing with defiance

    Lately my 7 year old daughter (Alexa) has been very defiant, disobediant, and disrespectful....I have tried spanking, punishing, taking things away, etc. And nothing seems to phase her....is this just a phase? Any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    I dont know, but theyre nice and they let me out on the weekends
    Age
    37
    Posts
    425

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    Hello Tiffy, Firstly, welcome to Cmoms! ...

    Secondly, is this sort of behaviour completely out of character for her? Is there a possible reason behind her change in behaviour? That is just something to consider. When my dd's were nine (they are twins and are almost 13 now) we had some major upheaval in our lives with moving and her bahaviour changed radically almost over night. It was definately a shock to MY system. And to be honest, we're still dealing with a very strong willed individual here with her.

    I can only give advice based on my own experience. What this phase in our lives has taught me is to be patient and consistent. Being the calm one, being patient and showing patient firmness goes a long way. For my girls Ive had to be an anchor, Jesus is, but motherly speaking, I had to play that role in their lives. I had to be consistent and firm with boundaries. If spanking isnt helping, dont use it as a tool. Gentle firmness and guidance, communicating that speaking to you with disrespect is utterly unacceptable. We are FINALLY beginning to see the fruit in her realising how she can be disrespectful. She is finally seeing ways of changing her own behaviour, she seems to find it a challenge but she is thinking before she speaks to me and what she ends up saying is lovely (she doesnt realise that yet, lol, she's still thinking cheeky disrespectful thoughts, but she's thinking more and what comes out is just right). Somethings in parenting you will have to dig yourself in deep because the 'battle' is a long one, you have to be prepared to look at all the tools in your arsenal and choose carefully which ones to wield at the right time. Im saying this may be a long battle if you have a strong willed child.

    I said all that just to sort of get you thinking. Im open to discussing more with you about this subject, its one thats become sort of close to my heart .
    Last edited by GenLovesDen4ever; 04-26-2012 at 04:30 AM.


    From lifes first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

    I wasnt born again yesterday..

  3. #3

    Default

    This behavior is slightly unusual, but it progressed slowly...like I'd say over a years span of time....thank you for your thoughts...I need to pray for God to help me with being the calm one...I was #1 not raised in a Christian home and #2 if I disrespected my mom I got the daylight smacked out of me...so when she started this behavior it stung me. I thought, Christian childen don't go through this! Lol ...ok I was naive and wrong!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Carlisle, IA
    Posts
    422

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    I have daughter who turned 8 in Dec. And 7 was a VERY hard year to begin with. I think it's a rough age because my ds went through the same thing. They aren't a "little kid", but they also aren't very mature yet. Dh and I started taking our dd on dates. It was things as little as going to the grocery store by herself with me and getting an ice cream cone, or running to the store with dh, but those times drastically changed her. She was getting 3 things that she desperately needed - individual attention, she was being HEARD, and she was getting praised for her character and value as our daughter. She changed from a little tyrant to a girl who is eager to please, very sweet, and extremely helpful. I know I as a Mom contributed to her behaviour by really only "seeing" her when she mis-behaved. Yes, the naughtiness was disciplined, but that daughter inside wasn't getting nurtured. I try to be much quicker to compliment the things I see her do that are so sweet and firm, but not frustrated towards her with the other. Shower her with love, while being consistent, and I really think you'll be surprised.
    "If all you had today was what you were thankful for yesterday...what would you have?"
    Married to Andrew since 2001
    Mom to 4 Precious Kiddos

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