Augh. It's not a problem when I'm playing with her or reading to her. But when I'm doing housework or on the computer or other things, it seems like I'm always hollering at her to not touch something or put something down or not mess with something. I feel like a bad mother and don't want to scar her for life because of always being negative.

For example, I go to clean the bathroom and she tries to help. In the midst of helping, she's also pulling toilet paper off the roll. In the midst of helping, she is spraying more (expensive) spray cleaner on the toilet, when it doesn't need any more. She's trying to go get more paper towels off of the washing machine when I don't need more. I don't want to go through my expensive cleaning supplies twice as fast (or even my cheap ones for that matter, lol).

Or I'll catch her in my mailing box, pulling out my labels, stamps, or envelopes. Or she's trying to plug in the electric heater after she's just jumped out of the bathtub. (think water + electricity = ACK!)

Sigh. What can I do? I know that she's trying to be helpful, most of the time. Any way that I can redirect some of the behavior that's not useful or safe at the time?

Payton is much younger but what I do is give him something to do that relates to what I'm doing so that he feels he is helping, such as handing me hangers when I'm putting away laundry or giving him his own towel when we do dishes. It works for now, don't know if it would work with your dd with her being older. I think it helps to give them specific things they CAN do and to praise them when they do that and express that it REALLY helps, KWIM? Sometimes it takes me a bit longer to get things done but at least it is getting done and Payton is learning to help. :)

ETA: Aren't you having that baby yet?! I want pictures ;)

ETA: Aren't you having that baby yet?! I want pictures ;)

LOL, I haven't mailed the eviction notice out yet.

Thanks for your helpful advice. I'll have to try to redirect her to using what I want her to use, while we're cleaning.

Hi I too have this problem and have had it for some years as I am not consistent with Sinead. Although I aint saying this is the problem with you, just trying to explain why Sinead is still like it lol.

Any ways what I was told by a family link worker is instead of saying No, tell the child what they can do. So if the child was chalking on the wall, then you would say Hey we chalk on paper see and show them.

I had to smack Sinead with relation to the electric socket as I once caught her pouring water onto it.

I do not know if this is the same with your dd but mine plays up when I am doing things to get my attention. I try not to give attention to bad behaviour but it is very hard when she is playing up. I tend to get over wound and make a huge deal out of a naughty situation which I think has made things worse as now her behaviour is very challenging.

Ruth, I know it sounds hard, but well first of all you are just about to drop arent you. So you might be feeling stressed, I know I can shout more when Im stressed. Also what I was going to say is that I am the same way. However, I have made a commitment to myself and the kids and God that it would be something I work on. One day I had God asking me 'Gen... Do I act like that with you?' And that was it, I was convicted about my anger ...problem. Now that was atleast three years ago... And Im still working on it. I just stop, sometimes even mid shout, but its just something to work on, iygwim.

First off, I understand. It can be hard to get anything done with your little "helper" around. But I find it's much better if I try to involve Timmy. So when you're cleaning the bathroom, give her a dry rag and tell her to "scrub" the bathtub. (Or something else where she feels like she's helping, but she won't get dirty.) Make it fun, have cleaning contests. Count your scrubs and have her scrub at the same time. Make it your goal to make her laugh while cleaning, that'll make you laugh too, and before you know it, Volia, not stressed anymore! If you try you can find all sorts of stuff that they can "do".

Hi, Ruth! :mrgreen: Oh goodness, haven't we all been here? :lol: I agree with what's been said about giving her something to do. When I found myself saying no a lot, I looked at it like I was being 'reactive' instead of 'proactive'. Even when she's not helping and you need to get into something that doesn't involve her, I'd get creative first and come up with something that'll keep her busy while you're detained.

Also, establishing a few boundaries in this area isn't a bad idea. For example, having her room or a room in the house set up as a play room, and then saying it's 'room time' for her while you do your mommy stuff. My kids knew they would have a little room time every day while I got a few things done. Their doors remained open, and they could talk to me from their rooms, but they needed to stay there until I was done. Boundaries and obedience have served them very well over the years. [OKOK] Room times and quiet times have been truly invaluable for me; especially when the kids were younger. For Justin, too. Sometimes, in order to preserve my sanity and to keep me in alignment with the Holy Spirit, I've needed to 'know' I can step away for a few minutes of quiet to hear the Lord and pull myself together. We created these boundaries as soon as the kids were old enough to toddle around. Honest and truly, it's 'how' I've kept a good attitude with the kids. Happy, centered mommy, or tired, frustrated mommy. The choice was easy.

Blessings, dear sister! [hug]

(P.S. Add me to the list of those excitedly waiting for your next little punkin to arrive!)

[lovingsmiley]

Joy [welcomewave]

Hey Ruth,

Sigh. I am right there with you. Totally. I feel like nap times and other rest times are like rejuicing my batteries. Don't really have any advice for you. But, I know what you're experiencing. Think of it this way, if you teach her to clean the bathroom now, then in few years she can do it and you won't have to do it until she moves out! [claploud] [halo]

I just agree with everyone else... I try to get katherine involved. It is a little more time consuming to do chores that way though. That's why I end up doing chores in the middle of the night while everyone is sleeping. LOL...

Joy, I love your idea of room time! As it is now the only time I escape is nap time. We did lock them in their room while we were moving but our little guy didn't take too well to it, he screamed and screamed and just hung off the baby gate for nearly the entire time (i suppose it could have had something to do with the fact we were in a new place). I have it set it with just their playpen, crib mattress on the floor for katherine and toys, so the room is totally safe so maybe I will try to get them to have some time in there on a regular basis.


Another trick I have found that works is spend about 15 dedicated minutes playing with them with their toys, and then I have found I can slip away for up to half an hour while they continue playing with their toys.

Hi, Ruth, I've BTDT too. I have 3 kids, 7,5 and 2 and another due in May. I have found that I can choose to yell or not. Seems like a simple choice, but it takes a lot of work. I had to remind and kick myself over this just this week. It's much easier to just holler at them to stop something while I'm still doing my thing, than to get up, go to them and take care of the problem. However, if I am consistent with GOING to the problem and taking care of it in a quiet, firm way, the problem tends to not come up again nearly as quickly. I also either do cleaning, computer stuff, or "mom" things while the youngers are sleeping and ds is doing his schoolwork. I don't let mine help clean except for vacuuming and dusting. Ds does Windex the mirrors now, but I've always been really leary of the chemicals. I don't know what you use to clean, though. I know, particularly when I clean the bathroom, it is off limits to the kiddos until I'm done. They have to find something else to do. :-D Maybe you could have a little box with some special stuff in it that she only gets to use during cleaning or "mommy" stuff that you need her occupied for.:-D Hang in there!

You need to send the eviction notice today, overnight it ;)

Personally, my guess is that you're "nesting" right now, and you have this internal alarm going off that says everything needs to be clean and ready for baby. Who knows, maybe baby is just a day or 2 away! I'd guess you're a little more on edge because of your daughter's "help" because of that fact...the fact that you feel you need to get your nest ready for the new baby.

However, if you' felt like this alot when you weren't about to give birth, then I'll let you know what helped me when I felt the same way. K?

All the extra "help" from the boys in those kinds of situations used to kind of stress me out too.

Some things that helped me, were:

1. If they want to help, I let them. If they want to clean, I encourage them to help. Even though it's uncomfortable for me because there is sometimes extra mess.

2. I bought spray bottles at walmart, and filled one with a vinegar/water mixture for cleaning windows, and one with a vinegar/water/dishwashing soap mixture for deeper cleaning of counters etc. The safe cleaners are the only ones the kids get to use.

3. Child size cleaning tools help too. Fred has his own real dustbuster that he runs around the house sucking up bits of cereal and glitter and bits of paper with, as well as a broom.

4. I splurge on cheap size small rubber dishwashing gloves too once in awhile.

5. I had to relax and realize that it was more important for me to make the whole cleaning experience a happy educational one for them, than it was for me to stress about them getting in the way and making a mess of it while helping. It is hard to look at streaky windows, but YK, at least I have an excuse if my MIL asks me about it, LOL....and I can always "help" them finish up too, to avoid that.

My children actually have their own chore charts. They love it! Each week they pick (with help) five chores to complete each day from Monday to Friday. (Weekends are for resting and family time.) This lets them feel helpful and it teaches them responsibility too! Here are some of the things they help me do:

- carry laundry to washer, help measure/dispense detergent and fabric softener, move clothes from washer to dryer, help sort and fold their own clothes
- wash windows and mirrors (I love Mo's idea of the homemade cleaning supplies - super safe that way! Mine have their own bottle of Windex with just a little in it. But I supervise the whole time!)
- make beds (They both started this at age 3.)
- pick up toys
- help wash dishes
- water plants (Spritz bottles work great here.)
- feed/water the cats
- dust (We use Pledge grab it cloths.)
- wipe cabinets/knobs. (Clorox wipes)
- sweep floors (They have their own size broom and dust pan.)

Well you get the idea! Be creative and don't stress if she doesn't do it just right. If you get into a routine, she get better at it as time goes on! Make it fun, mom! ;)

The fact that Hannah wants to help is wonderful. Even though it may not be perfect right now, by finding ways that she can help will teach her responsibility and to help out around the house. It is never too early to be productive. With that said. My little ones have a spray bottle of water, rags, duster, and a little broom and pan that they keep in a basket. That way they can help Mommy out. I have found it is better to redirect on a positive note, "Thank you for wanting to help Mommy with cleaning the bathtub but why don't you help Mommy by cleaning the sink instead." By doing this they can help out and not be in danger (if you use cleaners with chemicals). You can always go back later for a wipe down.

I think us moms just have to realize that we will be saying "NO" a whole lot more than we say "YES". Just part of parenting.