Problem with DS

Ds will be 9 in Feb and is in the 3rd grade this year. We are having a problem with him wanting to come home from school. He will tell the teacher he is not feeling well and they will call for us to come and pick him up. He gets up and goes to school fine, but after he is there about 1/2 the day, he gets "sick" and has to come home.

Today dh was home and had to go pick him up. He called to tell me that they were back and when I asked how ds was, he laughed and said that he was doing his work he would be missing today. He said that ds asked if he could go outside and play after he got his work done. Dh told him "no".

I'm concerned that something is going on at school for him to want to come home so much. We have been having a problem with his teacher and finally got the principal to have a parent meeting about her. The problem is supposed to be getting addressed. I'm not sure if this may be a part of the problem or if it's something else. Ds will not talk about it with either of us. Last year you couldn't get him to not talk about school. This year he wont say anything about what is going on.

I pray each morning that God watches over him and protects him from anything that the enemy may try to send his way. I feel that I'm at a road block and I don't know where to go from here.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? How do you approach your kids when they are unwilling to talk about something?

[mamallama]

Weeellllllll, I don't think this is exactly what you are going through, but...

My nephew (he was about 17 at the time) got to the point where he would go to school and then call to be picked up either mid-morning or halfway through the day. Turns out he was having severe stomach pain due to stress. Sometimes he would actually come home and throw up. I think the school system was really hard on him as a whole. The teachers wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. He likes to skateboard and everyone (authority figures) put a 'bad kid' label on him. Even the principal would make up excuses for him to be in trouble. (ie: One day he was being silly during lunch break and leaped over a picnic table. He got put in Saturday school for that. :roll: :( He had just had a horrible weekend (a close friend's mother had passed away and he went to the funeral. My nephew was just blowing off some steam - not in an agressive or harmful way and got in trouble for it!)

[Rach]

I would keep talking to him. Explain that you want to help him.

I would also keep talking to the teacher. Ask to go and visit the classroom. My gut says the same thing as yours - there is a problem there. Can you switch him to another teacher?

We have a different problem of the same variety. Our 1st grader is quite often 'sick' in the morning and doesn't want to go to school. Well the reason is he wants to stay home and play video games or watch tv. (took me a long time to figure this out) so for a while we reminded him that sick children need to rest in bed all day and only eat toast and drink water. that helped for a long time. Now the rule is if he says he's sick and can't go to school he gets grounded for a week from video games. He doesn't realize that we KNOW when he's sick. He gets a fever, he looks bad, smells bad, maybe throws up.................. Anyway, this has really worked for us. We have also explained that he can feel a little bad in his tummy when he's nervous, and I tell him that I do believe his tummy hurts, but he's not sick.

Another time in preschool, for a whole week he would scream, he didn't want to go. I talked to the teacher and she was concerned that all he wanted to do was play with cars, so she put the cars away and encouraged him to do other things like the centers, arts, crafts, drawing........ after I called her, she said she'd let him have time with the cars again, and she went more slowly to phase him out of always playing with cars. After that, he was happy to go to school again.

Hope that helps! Listen to God, listen to your gut, keep talking and thinking about it. You'll figure it out!

[DianaLynn]

It can be really hard to figure kids out. I wonder if in the afternoons his class is working on a subject that he isnt very confident in? Or could it be a bully in his class? Maybe he doesnt want to talk about it because he doesnt want you to know he has a weakness. For example math, or science? Another thought could be maybe it is music class and he has been made fun of for his singing? I am not saying any of these things are the problem as I dont know your son. But I have learned with my oldest dd who is 11 that kids are horribly mean and it starts earlier than it did when I was in school. A lot of times she didnt want to mention what was going on because she was afraid to. I hope you get it resolved soon for your sons sake and your peace of mind!

[Donna B.]

I have a third grader too. And he seems to be very emotional this year. A kind of "the whole world is against me" type of attitude. I remember when I was in third grade I had similar feeling, and developed "stomach aches" to stay home from school. You didn't elaborate on the problem with the teacher, but if it was significant enough to meet with the principal I would guess that your son has been affected by this situation. Surely that could cause stress.

How do you get your child to talk when he doesn't want to open up?. I struggle with that same thing. Prayer is the only sure-fire thing I know I can do. I did just checked out a book at the library entitled "Boy Talk: How you can help your son express His Emotions". By Mary Polce-Lynch. I can't tell you about the book- since I haven't read it yet, but maybe check your library for some books on Boys and see what's out there. Dobson has the Bringing up Boys books too. That may have a chapter on this sugject, I can't remember.

I think I tend to hover over them until they talk to me, and I'm not sure that's effective :) Maybe, take a drive. I find my boys tell me more when they are in the car and don't have to maintain eye contact. Sometimes, I start talking about something really trival and light before jumping right into the issue. My friend just told me that her son will talk to her husband much easier than her. Maybe your husband could approach hime while playing ball or something. I'm sure not an expert, so if you find something that has worked, please share with the rest of us who are struggling with the same issue.

I'll be praying for you.

[Dede]

When my son was in kindergarten, he was having headaches all the time, counldn't figure it out, then over the summer I found out (from my older son) that his teacher was calling him a cheater in front of the class, and putting him in time out, she didn't like me, and was taking it out on him....said he was cheating on spelling and he never missed a word....she could have tried to move him or something....anyway....she always said everything was fine and what a good student he was....since then I found out from other parents that they had problems with her too....needless to say we homeschooled him for a few years after that........is doing fine now (8th grader)....anyway....is still like pulling teeth to get him to talk, he does talk to my dh better... but I find out more from my older son, who he talked to more.....dd

[breezykc2]

I've taught grade school in the past....this age group....talk to him about who or what is happening at school about lunch time....lunchroom problems, afternoon recess, a difficult subject after lunch, etc......I've seen this a lot and almost always there's a root cause somewhere that's causing it....it's also a transition time it seems with kids and clingyness can occur too....but my first guess is that it is triggered by something happening in the afternoon at school....investigate!