Not wanting to drive?

[Reneemomto5]

My son will be 16 on Christmas, but has no interest in learning to drive, really none at all.

We have checked with his therapist regarding my sons learning difficulties and she agrees he may just not be ready for the responsibility that requires. But she said it should be up to Bobby.

Its funny is this like potty training you think, use their cues? We have been lovingly giving ideas to him, like the drivers ed book, him and his dad looking for a truck for him together but he has no desire. Doesn't bother me much but I can see his Dad really wants him to want to learn to drive.

Trying not to be the protective one here, but if Bobby isn't ready I'm not pushing it, just will continue to as we drive togehter discuss driving with him, talk to him about it with no pressure, where hubby tends to be more blunt.

Hmm just not sure how to look at this. I know not many moms are "here" yet but just thought some that are or soon will be may have some ideas here. I won't even go into the inlaws, they are just so bothersome bugging Bobby constantly on him having to drive now. Which bothers me, but Bobby says I shouldn't worry he never feels bothered by them, and I should know that about him. He isn't a peer pressure kid at all.

Thanks

[JoyLynn]

Ya know, Renee, I think it's another case of homeschooled kids being a little different than kids in school. I think they feel much more comfortable to move forward at their on pace. My kids have no idea what peer pressure is, and they're in no hurry to grow up too quickly. Actually, this is one of my most favorite byproducts of homeschooling!! [lovesmile]

Scotty is almost exactly the same age as your Bobby, and he's not been in the biggest hurry to get his license either. His interest waxes and wanes daily. One day he'll be raring to go, and the next he'll be sort of dragging his feet.

Here's what Scotty and I did; We went to the DMV and picked up the drivers manual. Then we made it part of his schoolwork every day to work in the book. He was more than okay with this, and I never told him I'd be taking him to take his written test as soon as he finished the book, so no pressure! :-D

He read the book cover to cover first, highlighting as he went along. Then he went through it again, taking notes. I made it part of his curriculum, working on it for half and hour a day, at the expense of another subject if need be. I felt pretty good about doing this since most kids take drivers ed in school as a subject. It's kind of a no brainer. heehee!

Anyway, Scotty was pretty excited while he was studying, but once he had finished the book and memorized his notes, he started dragging his feet a little. :lol: In fact, it's funny you brought this up today because Scotty 'just' came to me today, and for the first time actually asked me if he needs to get his license right away. [rofl]

I felt total peace saying he didn't need to just now, and that we'd play it by ear for now and talk more about it as time goes on. He was relieved. And then I told him I wanted him to keep reviewing his notes for 15 minutes a day until the time comes for him to take his test. This way he'd be more than prepared and he won't need to do any backtracking or relearning.

In the meantime, I have a feeling that just regular exposure to the material will make him much more comfortable with the idea of driving. And Scotty has been very excited at different times recently. I think he just sort of freaked out as D-day closed in on him! [rotfl]

My plan, as with every single other thing we do here, is to seek and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in this. I'm sure there would be a time, if Scotty never came around on his own, that I'd start applying more pressure to gently ease him out of his comfort zone, but based on my understanding of Scotty, I think he's putting pressure on himself right now and is working it out as quickly as he's currently able. He's a wise and sweet young man. [heart]

Ahhhh... aint it so much fun? :-P

[loveflag]

Joy [welcomewave]

[gamommyto4girls]

Well, I don't have any parenting advice my oldest (12) is already anxious to drive and now pays much more attention to cars :-). But I did want to chime in and say that I was one of those teenagers who did not want to drive.

I guess I had lots of reasons... fear and worry of the dangers of driving,fear of failing the driving test (I was a highstrung A student and was afraid I wouldn't excel at this), prefering to spend my limited personal funds on clothes and entertainment, and realizing that mom and dad were not in a position to buy me a cute little car like many of my friends at the time had. My parents seemed happy to let me put it off and there wasn't much discussion of it.

While I agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to force him, I do wish that my parents had helped me to do a bit of research and really discuss it further. In my home state of Mass. insurance rates were based on 'years of driving experience' and not age. So when I ultimately did get my license (20 I think) I paid much higher rates for those first 6 years. Also I went to college at 17 across state and was without a legal ID. My student ID only worked on campus and I could not get a state issued ID until 18. So in retrospect I wish that I had thought of getting my license even if I didn't intend to drive regularly. It would have saved me significant money as the 'clock' would have been ticking even if I didn't drive a vehicle and when I finally NEEDED my license the whole process was much more high pressure. Also having access to an legal ID can be important in some instances.

None of these may apply in your state, I know the rules here in GA differ some from those I described in Mass but perhaps you could do some research and just make sure your son has all the info. available to make this decision.

HTH,

[Madre]

Our kids were all different, Renee. A couple of them got their licenses right at their 16th birthday. A couple of the others were over 17 when they got their licenses. We didn't push them, but let them take their time. I think we finally applied a little pressure to one of them.

Some kids just aren't ready for the responsibility and 16 isn't some kind of magical age, you know? Plus, when they get their license, they will be bugging you to drive your car (until they get their own).

[Reneemomto5]

Thank you soooo much Joy, Beth and Madre for your replies. I'm just wasn't sure what to make of it as there are no other moms for me to talk this over with besided here on cmoms. Great advice from each and every one of you thank you.

I love hearing what you are doing right now Joy, as I know we are "in" this together and me remember to pray over isssues like this for some reason doesn't always come to mind first. Like I need to handle some things on my own still. I'm learning though, thanks. Involving his drivers ed book as a subject is a FANTASTIC and will certainly do idea! love it thanks!

Beth, I was one of those drivers too. I got my liscense at 17 which wasn't bad, glad I waited a year as I was petrified and my father was the WORST teacher ever. Thankfully I met my hubs at 16 so he patiently taught me how to drive very well. I did fail my driving written test the first time and did fine with the driving part. Neve thought that is what Bobby may be worried about, failing and not knowing what happens, thank you so much for reminding me I need to talk with him about that.

Madre, love ya! Thanks for your thoughts, I look forward to your replies every time when it comes to my teens. Love ya!

[Mo2b1d]

I got my license when I was 17. I could've gotten it alot earlier, but I was a little scared to be driving. It's a big responsibility, and the car feels alot bigger and heavier when you're actually in control of it. Plus, my behind the wheel teacher was a FREAK, and humiliated me almost every day I drove with him. He actually made me cry one day, and I actually was doing a good job...he was just acting like a jerk.

Anyway, I've seen kids who were like me, who were leary to get their license out of fear, and I've seen kids who just didn't feel they needed their license, because either they didn't want to do alot of outside activities or because their mom and dad cheerfully took them wherever they wanted to go and were cool about it.

Do you know for sure your son is actually scared about it? Or could it be that he just doesn't see the need for it yet? I remember you saying that your family wasn't full of uber-social kids, so is it possible that he's being logical so to speak and just doesn't see where he'd need his license yet? Is it possible he just doesn't know where he'd go or what he'd do once he got his license?

I remember when I finally got my license, it was in part because my job was 30 minutes from our home, and it kind of stunk to have to pay the parents for gas money to and from work and have them complain about driving me there too :lol Also, I was a Senior when I got my license, so I had plans for college the next fall, and I knew I'd need to drive to get there because there isn't public trans. here. I think it was seeing the necessity of getting my own license and car and seeing the new privacy and freedom I'd have too that finally spurred me to do it. I found it was really nice to be able to leave for work when I wanted to, and to stop and shop if/when I wanted to and go out with friends if I wanted to.

Does he have a job? That might pique his interest in a car, if he has a need for one.

[justmeNmine]

I just wanted to chime in that my 18 yo neice just got her license a couple months ago, no real reason, she and her parents just didn't see a huge need for it, so she just waited until she was 18 and moved back to the states (her parents have immigrated to Canada as missionaries) for her to go to college, and now there is a need for it... I agree with all the pp about the social pressure being a big part of why 16 is "the age." I like Joy's ideas about beginning the study of it even if it is not quite the time to get the actual license. Glad you are feeling better about it!

[BlessedMommy]

16 isn't a magical number. My husband got his license at 17. I got mine at 18 1/2. We're both good drivers today (despite the fact that I failed my road test twice, lol). :D No worries, you won't be still driving him around when he's married. :mrgreen:

[PianoMama]

No worries, you won't be still driving him around when he's married. :mrgreen:

:-D Wellll, no personal experience stories here, but I do know of people that don't have their license when they need a job or get married and other people have to drive them everywhere. Makes it kinda hard to get a job, but I don't think you're in that sitch yet! Love the idea of making it a subject for school.

[NZMummy]

I didn't get my license until I was about 19 (and dh didn't get his until he was 25). There was just no desperate need to do it any earlier. And it was probably a good thing. In New Zealand teenagers can drive at 15 - but many are hoping that the driving age will soon be raised to 18. Driving is a huge responsibility - some teenagers are just not ready for it at 16. I think that it is a very wise teenager that knows when they are not yet ready for this particular responsibility. Why are your in-laws pushing so hard for it?

[Reneemomto5]

Why are your in-laws pushing so hard for it?

In Florida its 15 to drive we just discovered. Not that it changes anything but we thought it was 16 everywhere.

My inlaws, well let's just say they like to get under out skin any and every way they can. Since this cousin and Bobby are so close in age they CONSTANTLY compare the boys. Bobby struggles academically/socially because of his LD's and this cousin is very, very bright. I hate when they compare it just makes me grimice. Anyway basically to snub their nose at us.

Thanks ladies all of you for your thoughts and experiences.[loveyou]:-D

I see now that in due time this will come. Most likely within the next year. Being in the family business with driving trucks frequently, traveling as we do I know this can only benefit Bobby. It has already made a positive difference with directions, vehicle care, filling up fuel...

Thanks again.

[Madre]

You can get your permit here at age 15, but you have to have so many logged hours of daylight/night driving before you can qualify to get your license at age 16. Then there are restrictions until you are 18. (It's complicated.)

With a couple of our kids, they weren't allowed to drive on their own for awhile even though they had their licenses. Passing the written/driving exam doesn't necessarily mean you are ready for the road. They didn't like our restrictions, but they all eventually drove away on their own (without Mom or Dad instructing from the passenger seat). :-D

[krazee4jc]

my oldest is 20 not interested in driving at all!
my 2nd daughter started driving at 16 so its been 2 years now
my son 16 has his permit taking his hours now
my baby is 11 she can't wait to drive
BUT IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE....I DIDN'T DRIVE TIL I WAS 23
If someone isn't comfy on the road like my oldest, I feel it's safer for everyone to keep her & the other like her off it :)
THERE ARE LOTS OF RULES NOW FOR THE DRIVING

[kanaclark]

I don't know what SC laws are now, but I got my permit the day after my 15th birthday and went back the following week and took my driving test and got my regular licsence. been driving ever since. BUt, I grew up in redneck podunk-ville, so I was driving trucks out in the field and on back roads when I was 13, LOL, so I knew how to drive, it was just gettin' it legal.

I think now, tho, they have to have their permit for so long, so many hours driving, take drivers ed, etc. I do know that it's nothing like it was back when I got mine.

[Beth]

We are very far from being there, but I have had several friends that their teens really didn't care about getting their license. Some kids don't care if they don't have their own car to drive and others I think are nervous about driving on main roads. I'm like Kana, being that we lived in SC at the time I got my permit and license pretty close together.

You could see if he would like to drive like down the street and around the house and stuff. He may just be nervous.