OK, I dont know how it started, cause we did not do it with ds and he falls asleep on his own, but somehow we got ourselves into having to rub dd back or pat her bum to go to sleep. I think its been going on for about 1 yr now. maybe it started when she was upset and went from there. BUT I dont want to have that a habit now. especially with the new baby coming. I dont want to leave the new baby in the livingroom while I take 5-10mins to put dd to sleep.
I have been telling her she is a Big Girl now and can go to sleep like her brother does ( they share a room) Sometimes it works, other times she throws a fit a cry for a while or keeps coming out of her room.
i told her tonight that i cant keep doing it cause when the baby comes I have to be with her. I felt bad about that cause I dont want her to think I am replacing her. Not a great pick of words i realized after, although she went to sleep on her own after talking with her brother for a while ..DS falls asleep within a few minutes.
Any adice on the right way to word it and ease her out of this habit before baby comes. ?? thanks

Maybe instead of stopping altogether you could make a deal that you rub her back for a set amount of time, like 25 seconds. Then count as you rub her back. A great way to start teaching her how to count and she gets a back rub, but you aren't in there for 10 minutes or completely giving up the end of the bedtime routine from which she gets comfort.

I don't know how old she is. But I agree with Amy. Maybe slowing cut down on the back rub. You could eventually phase it out completely if that is what you want. Just start doing it for 5 minutes instead of 10, then 3 instead of 5, etc. Explain to her that she is a big girl and needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. You do other "quiet time" things with her before bed right? She still needs some sort of calming, quiet time with you or daddy before bedtime to ease her into sleep.

When my dd was younger, I used to read to her and then rock her and sing to her. Then I moved it to her bed and read the story, then just sang to her. Now she is older so we read a book or two, then say our bedtime prayer and it's lights out.

Hope this helps some.

AMYB's idea is great - I am the meaner kind of Mum who'd just prepare the child and say "we aren't doing this anymore" and deal with the fall out, but Amy B's solution was much kinder.

We had - not the same problem but a problem with the kids and getting rid of their pacifiers, I put it off because I was pregnant and sick and couldn't deal with kids crying over paccies and being sick - but when we brought Matilda home - DH just said "no more, you are too big for the paccies - " they carried on for two nights (not all night) and DH had to sit with them and sing them off to sleep as they insisted they couldn't sleep without something to suck - then he has weened them off "singing" them off to sleep and now they go to bed on their own, no suckie, no singing.

I am so glad he was home because i was worried I'd cave under the pressure of their crying and moaning! It is a hard thing to face, but I am glad we have dealt with it.

I know how you feel and how hard it is - so don't worry honey.

Praying for you!