Bed Time

[MomFromCanada]

I feel like lately all I have been doing is asking advice about my 3.5 yo dd! Honestly I have been so discouraged and feel like such a bad mom, I'm doing the best I can, we just moved to Ontario from PEI and it has been a hard month dealing with the transition and also with our dd.
Ok, so bedtime. She does not nap anymore, her bedtime is 7:30-8:00, and she will carry on with "I need a drink of water, etc. etc. etc." until sometimes 10-11 pm. The only time we let her come out is when she needs to go pee. Otherwise, no. We don't give in to what she wants but she is in for the "long haul" and will whine and fuss. This makes evenings no fun. We get no peace before we even go to bed ourselves!

[Reneemomto5]

First hugs, I forgot you posted a while ago on your move. That could be a reason for many of the difficulties with you dear daughter currently. Change is very hard for some children, especially a move.

First allow you and your family time to adjust, not meaning go soft hearted but just understand there "is" a reason for most of the testing of boundries she is showing. She may be looking for these boundries in her changing world. Kids flourish with discipline and routine somewhat. But they also need understanding. I say somewhat because my and my husbands and childrens lives are always different because of our work and traveling but some children deal with it differently better/worse.

Just stick to your guns, if what you are doing has worked for you in the past. She may be trying to figure out what has changed a bit, if her whole world is changing, what is the same, will it change again without her knowing it..... Give her the extra cuddles she may need and encouragement right now because of the recent move.

Things may just take some more time to iron themselves out. Your daughter is just adjusting best she can-- like you and your hubby just not verbally able to tell you.

hugs and prayers sweetie!

[~Tara~]

Like Renee said..just stick to your guns. Remember my previous response to you? ... It's called Get Off Your Butt Parenting...it's a job. It's real work. It takes time and discipline on YOUR part. It WILL pay off if you are consistent. Don't give in to her every whim. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. "No! You are not getting a drink you are not this you are not that...no..it is bedtime, now go to bed and hush" Remember that any time you give in...you've shot yourself in the foot. You are now back at ground zero. So...stand your ground, be consistent. And just keep hanging in there.

No one ever said being a parent was an easy job. It's not. But it IS a very rewarding one. Just hang in there. You are in the training period right now...it WILL get better.

[JoyLynn]

I couldn't have said it better myself, Tara. :mrgreen: That's how we dealt with boundary testing in our house and it paid off 100% of the time. I like your "off your butt, parenting" description. heehee! That's exactly what it is. It takes a ton of work every time they start testing in a new area, but it always pays off. Kids need to be able to predict with 100% accuracy that you aren't going to back down. If there's even half a chance in their minds you'll give in, they'll push you to exhaustion waiting for it.

A little side note: Parenting is so much more fun when kids KNOW their boundaries and respect you. You can spend your days peacefully enjoying them, and the kids are so much happier!

[lovingsmiley]

Joy [welcomewave]

[~Tara~]

Amen to that Joy! It IS more fun and they are a joy to be around once these boundaries are established and respect is shown.

It's just a hard road to get there...sometimes moreso than others. (like....11 yr old boys :p )

[PianoMama]

sigh - we are having this issue with our ds - except we didn't just move! The discipline will work for a while, then we'll have to change to a different one and that will work for a while. When he sees we're "for real" with what we're saying then that works best.

First discipline - spank. This worked for a while, then it stopped working. We'd spank him and he'd still get out of bed.

Then we told him we'd take his blanket away - this is his special sleepy time item. That worked for a long time.

Then we told him if he stayed in bed he could watch a movie or a show on TV the following day. Worked for a while...

Now if he gets out of bed, I've told him I'd take his CD player out of his room. He uses this every nap and bed time to put on his "sleepy time" CD. I haven't had to take this yet...so it's currently working!

Find something that is motivating - knowing it may have to change. He has a night light and small lamp on in his room and the hall light on. So the afraid-of-the-dark thing doesn't fly here. He is able and allowed to use the bathroom when he needs to. THAT.IS.IT.

No drinks. No extra hugs. No nothin'!!

Make sure you spend enough time before actually turning off the light and closing the door talking and listening and reading a book or something so your child doesn't feel alone or 'abandoned' not that you're really abandoning - but she may feel that way! Try to "get in her brain" so-to-speak. Why is she getting out of bed?

Anyway...I think I'm rambling!

Hope you find something...wanted you to know I can relate!

[Blessed 2 B Zoey]

Hi,

I hold my hand high here and say that I too can relate and I have not also been the get off your butt parent. Sinead is 5 and I still have some problems with her with regards to sleeping.

This method works for us it might work for you:

Run a shallow warm bath and dunk lol literally put you dd in wash her take her out wrapped in a towel. From here take her into her bedroom with the lamp on so that its not bright in there. Get her ready for bed and only use low tone calm voice. Tuck her up into bed and read a story, say prayer with her and tuck her in. I say to Sinead in this low tone "night nigh, see you in the morning, love you"

If she does get out of bed nagging, take her by the hand no eye contact. Put her back into her bed and say in low tone again Bed Time. You will have to do this quite a few times but it will be worth it in the long wrong if it works.

HTH

[Madre]

I think you have to have a firm resolution as to what you want. Once you've decided i.e. I want to be able to put her to bed and have her go to sleep (without countless requests), then you can go from there. Like you said, she is in for the "long haul" and you have to be in for the long haul, too.

Just an aside. You mentioned that your dd doesn't nap. However, you might try giving her a "rest time" during the day. This could be another opportunity to work with her on staying in bed/in her room. She doesn't necessarily have to sleep, but she has to look at books quietly or play with quiet toys in her room. Make sure she's fed and watered first, though. :-D