Hi,
Our dd recently has not wanted to sit with us at the table. We don't know whether to make her sit with us or not. It has just been sudden. We try to make her sit but then she has a tantrum. We give her a choice also whether 1) to sit with us and eat or 2) she must have supper to have a snack before bed. If she is hungry later then she gets the supper that she did not eat earlier again, rather than a snack. We do not believe in deprieving her of food either, but if she is hungry, she needs to at least eat supper before she gets a snack. So should we make her sit at the table or ?

MomfromCanada, can I ask how old your daughter is?

Okay I found out with your other thread she is 3.5 like my daughter.

Well you can insist she sit at the table but really demanding that of a 3 year old can result in just a worse tantrum. Can you maybe somehow involve her in the actual meal process so feels some pride with it. Like she helps you set the table or make rolls each night or she helps make dessert. I find instead of constant rule review over and over finding a positive way for discipline to come across is much easier and everyone is happier.

Maybe is she does help her knowing this and you saying "wait till daddy see...." she may just think meal time is again fun and not a reason to test the boundries.

Maybe have her make place mats or get a large paper for her to design a table cloth runner, something real fun, real involved. If my daughter makes the rolls she gets so proud, props herself at the table like she made them from scratch herself ready for all the boys to say how good they are. Or if she makes brownies and we say wait till we all eat our supper and taste your delicious brownies Mandy.

Kids sometimes feel a loss of control or connection sometimes. Or they can just be testing. Kids like to feel important and pride for things they do and that helps their self esteem grow, their importance within the family grow so they don't have to search for a way to find that. I am not saying you are not paying attention or don't care just trying to look at things from a different perspective.

I in no way want to tear you down momfromcanada just offer some suggestions to make life easier.

We also at times make a list of the rules with pictures and hang it on the fridge, so the kids are reminded of the rules of the household and I don't have the need to sound like a broken record.

hugs

we had this issue with my 3 yo( she'll be 4 in Dec)we got her totally involved in meal prep and setting the table, now she comes and sits and eats no problem. also in our house if you do not make a good effort to eat supper, then it becomes the before bed snack as well.

(sorry, nak)

now see i don't see this as an 'option'

its mealtime...you SIT and eat or you go to bed, that's it

if you want to scream and throw a fit you get a spanking...such behavior is NOT tolerated in this house..it will be met with a swat each and every time...no one's ever tried the tantrum tactic for an extended period because of this consequence
and only a very few times has anyone gone to bed without supper...but you know what...when they did, you better believe we did not have a repeat of bad behavior the next night

we have not had this issue with our 3.5 ds because he still sits in a booster...hard to wiggle out of when it's pushed into the table. Although he's quite tall for his age, he still needs one to be positioned at the table correctly!

I tend to agree that you should insist that your little girl sit at the table with you. I wouldn't make that an option. However, I think that you have to have your mind made up that although dinner may be kind of unpleasant for awhile, you aren't going to give up. The Lord will help you! It's amazing that such a strong will can come in such a small package, isn't it? :-D

I agree with the Tara and Madre. Sitting at the dinner table is not an option for us. You either eat with the family or you don't eat. Period. I don't feel that it is harsh because 1) I am giving them a choice (to eat or not to eat) and 2) they do need to stick to the family rules. I don't allow a snack either if they don't eat their meals. I can only think of one time where my oldest refused to eat and went to bed without. She has never done it since.

Ditto what Tara, Madre and Butterflykisses said. We don't give an option at our house either. You sit with the family during dinner until everyone is done eating. We too have only rarely had to spank and send the kids to bed. The only difference at our house might be that if they calm down after being sent to bed, they get *one* chance to rejoin the table.