I'd seen a few of these before, but they are pretty funny! Some of them I had to read more then once to get it! [claploud] [halo]


They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church
services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house.
Bringyour husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
and, Say "Hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their
school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -
prayer and medication to
follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is
invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan.
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

These were hilarious, Kate! This especially tickled me! :-D


Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -
prayer and medication to follow.

Those are great thanks for the giggle :)

Thanks for the laughs. Needed that.

Ok that was funny - some of those had me[rofl]

That was very funny just what I needed today.
Thank you.
Andrea

Thank you for the laugh, I loved the Jesus on water one. :-)

teehee...like you I have read some before...but they are all still funny! :D