child won't keep hands to himself

[teelee]

Today is the third progress report from DS (who's 4) preschool. They continue to say that he won't keep his hands to himself. Any suggestions? I do discipline him when he bothers his brother or any other child when we're out at the park, zoo, etc. Is there a way to teach him to play w/ friends? I talk to him especially on school days about sharing, using a nice voice and keeping his hands to himself. Thanks for any help.

[~Tara~]

Now I've not had to deal with this one. Mine's always the one backed into the corner being mauled, til they finally get to the point they yell for someone, or more likely, just fall apart crying.

Boo has been my only one even remotely close to the other side.

I would just continue to talk to him, use the words 'personal space'. Letting him know that it is rude to go into someone's personal space like that. You can play with someone from an arm's length. Since he has a sibling that helps you lay out those boundaries at home. You can practice :) Tell him about the other person's feelings when he invades their space. "and I know you don't want to upset him/her, right? so you need to remember to not touch, they will still play with you..it's when you touch them that they don't want to be with you...so be nice, remember that everybody else doesn't want you all over them" something like that.

Just as much supervision as you can..with siblings/friends..correcting behavior asap, before the other child even has a chance to react. And even if some kids are ok with it, don't let him get by with it. He has to stop it with ALL kids, regardless oh their preference.

How does he react if someone gets in his space? Like I said, Boo is my only one who is even remotely 'there'. He still shys away as someone enters his space, but a few weeks ago was playing with a girls hair and hugging a boy he had never seen before. My others never would have done that..ever...even now! LOL Anyway, he was a bit quicker to go into someone else's space than he was to graciously accept someone into his. So, I can use that angle with him "you don't like when people get up in your face, so don't do that to others" sort of thing.

But if folks barging in on him makes no difference, then I'd say the kid just has a smaller personal bubble and you'll just have to tell him not everyone is like that. He needs to be more considerate. :)

HTH

[irishmum2boys]

When they say he won't keep his hands to himself, is he hitting, or just touching, getting into the other kids personal space? Is he just touching things?
Kids learn by touching! But of course there is appropriate and inappropriate touch! How does your ds repsond when you tell him not to touch?
E had an issue with that too with touching and we remind him to keep his hands down. You can work with him using picture stories, esp. if he seems to not respond very well to you talking ot him about, some kids respond better to visual learning rather than auditory. I am really not sure if htis helps, but I can understand your frustration! I htink if you and teacher get on board with this together you can probably work at it and get rid of this issue pretty quickly :)

[Reneemomto5]

Teelee, just throwing something out there. Can you meet with the teachers and work this out. Sometimes when the teachers really know the parent is trying they will try that much more too. And know you are working on this. I think sometimes teachers feel this may fall on some parents deaf ears, not meaning yours by any means though.

I would start with that personally, the teachers are trained and can maybe offer some advice you haven't thought of since you do both deal with the same child type of thing. I also think children act differently while at school too so this can be difficult if the teachers aren't willing to work with you. That would just be sad because you are both after the same results.

hugs mama it will get better.

[Rach]

from a special needs angle (my experiences, I'm not implying anything about your child), maybe he's craving sensory input and he's getting that through touching. If that's the case, you need to provide other experiences that will satisfy this to decrease the unwanted touching (along with the other great ideas already in this thread.)

sample activities:
finger painting in shaving cream or pudding
putting scented lotion on (I make Willie lotion my legs! LOL.)
rice table
bean bin
koosh ball
sandbox

if you think that might help and need more info there's stuff on the web or you can pm me.

[teelee]

Thanks for all the input ladies. I did call his teacher today. He is hitting others and taking toys away mostly. His teacher says he has little angry outbursts as well. Today for instance he yelled at her and told her no he didn't want to go outside. I told her we had spoke to the pediatrician, were using time outs and a chart for good/bad behavior. At the end of the day if he has so many misbehaviors he doesn't get special game time w/ Daddy. I do spank him but only when necessary.

I'm just really sad, frustrated, worried and at a loss. I don't know why he hits. I never wanted my child to be a bully. The teacher said another child came up to her today and says DS hits. That upset her to because she doesn't want him labeled like that either. He is at a Christian preschool and she said they mostly redirect him and talk to him before time outs. She told me he is not always this way and does have a sweet disposition. Apparently though he does get into trouble at least once the 3 mornings he's there.

[Reneemomto5]

Teelee, that is great you have an open line of communication with the teacher. I am sure that will help. Like I wrote above, I think also a meeting may be a good idea to talk face to face.

Also Teelee, if you feel really uncomfortable with the situation there is always the homeschooling option. Which I highly recommend, but also realize its not for everyone. I believe certain children flourish with it. I speak from experience with an extremely shy son who suffered from severe migraines because of regular schooling, he had a social anxiety. I thought if I pushed it would be okay, school is what he "needed", if I pushed he would learn to adapt, and everyone said the same. Until I did homeschool him, went with my gut and I was simply amazed at the difference I saw in my children. He is now my most charming social child.

I am in no way saying this has to be your option I am just throwing ideas your way. I know you are at a loss and just hoping for something to work to help your son.

Hugs