Up in Arms!

[MomFromCanada]

Hi,
We have been having a lot of difficulty with our dd lately, she is just not listening at all it seems. She is 3.5 yo, going on 4 in April. It just seems like every little thing sets her off and she will carry on with just about everything. We have tried timeouts, spanking, consequences (e.g. if you don't do this, this will happen, e.g. take toys away), etc. It is getting very wearing on my dh and I, and we are doing the best we can but just getting exasperated in the process. We sure hope this will pass. We are putting our foot down and being firm with her, it just seems she is really exercising her will and being stubborn lately about not wanting to listen. (Phew -that felt better already!). Has anyone else is/was going through the same thing and what did you do?
Thanks in advance,
M

[~Tara~]

You have to pick a consequence and stick with it for quite a while. You can't try spankings, time out, revoking privileges all in one day. Or even one week. Shoot, probably not even within the same month. Decide on a discipline method for it and stick to it. Consistently. For a month or so to see if that form is the right one for her. If you see no change for the better, then try something else...again, consistently, for a month or so.

Yes..it IS tiring. That's parenting. That's call Get Off Your Butt parenting. That's your job. Do it now and you have less work cut out for you later. Other things may need to slide as you deal with this behavior. You HAVE to nip it now. Don't let it slide. Every time you let it slide or brush it off, the worse it will be. The harder it is to get on track. The more 'edge' she has. The more she 'wins'.

BE the parent. Don't be afraid to make and enforce rules. It's because you love her that you are doing such. So show her how much you love her by insisting she follow your rules.

You have to let her know that not listening is NOT an option. You tell her to come...she comes. If she does not...you go grab her by the arm and repeat "come" as you bring her back to where you were "You come when I say 'come'" She does something she's not supposed to, you say 'no', she continues...you go GET her, MAKE her stop "I said 'no, stop doing that' that means STOP, NOW" And mine would get a spanking for such disobedience...and at 3.5 - 4...oh yes, that is deliberate disobedience.

[teelee]

DH and I are going through some of the same w/ our 4-year-old DS. Although he is mostly jealous of his 1-year-old brother. We have started a chart as advised by our pediatrician. One side is good behavior and the other misbehavior. He loses game time w/ Daddy at night if there are so many misbehaviors. He enjoys playing kid appropriate games on Nintendo Wii and Playstation 3. So far it is working for us. In fact yesterday, he asked if he could get a green (good) mark for helping his brother. I did give one because that's a rarity in this house. We still do timeout and occasionally a spanking. I was raised w/ only spanking. I want that to be a last resort for my children.

I get weary too. I'm sure if you've read some of my other posts, there are days I'm not sure what to do. If this doesn't work I've thought about going to the pediatrician and ask her to recommend a child psychologist. I've been praying more and the moms on here are very encouraging. Most of them have been through this before or are going through it now. Praying for you!

[Rach]

I was thinking the same thing as Tara - you should let more time pass to try to get a system down. Be consistent, and don't give in! Kids will test you! Once you get the boundaries set, it's much easier to 'get them to listen'.

we've been through it, too [flagsurrender]. Stick to your guns!

[MomFromCanada]

Thank you for your support. Tara, I completely understand what you are saying, and that is what we are trying to do. We are not giving in or backing down, and are standing our ground. We are doing the best we know how and are continuously praying about it. I know that over time it will get better and eventually like people say, "this too shall pass". We know it is worth it to do it now rather than letting it go and having more to deal with in the future.
We will continue to stick to it and over time I know it will get better.
Thanks again,
M

[~Tara~]

Just keep keeping on then. It can be quite difficult at times. We all know, we've all been there to one degree or another. Just keep praying and hanging in there. It will be worth it.

Some just take a little longer than others too. My #3 has been a 'different duck' all along. He takes longer to learn lessons and often learns them in different ways. He's been my handful. Then my now 2 yr old is a handful in a different. He keeps me busy. :)

[irishmum2boys]

Just wanted to say hang in there [lovingsmiley] You've been given some great encouragement and advice!

[babylove]

I agree with Tara. You need to keep going on the same path you've decided on. Always being consistent, it can be hard.
Some days you will think this is not working and want to give up. If you stick to your guns you will be truly loving your dd and doing what’s best for her. Just keep going. Pray and get your strength from Gods Word.
God bless
Andrea