I need some advice regarding an ongoing thing we got with one of my dd's. How to word it?... Ill give you an example of what she did today. Nothing too serious but... We have this juice, like cordial, its super concentrated and you dilute it with water to taste. You will need 1 part juice to 8 parts water, maybe. She'll use half and half. Or I swear today she drank it 8 parts juice and 1 part water. She's 9 and she'll be sneaky about it. She has been told time after time. She'll do that sort of thing with all sorts. Its not that she's using it all up, to me, its the total disregard for what Ive told her, the sneakyness of it. I dont understand why she does it. Is it something you wouldnt bother with? What kind of consequences would you put in place for this kind of behaviour. I hope Im explaining it right?

Wow... I don't know what I would do... But I would just definitely do something mainly because of her kidneys... there is a reason why you have to dilute it... so I hope you find a way to deal with this... probably explaining that there is a reason for all those things and telling her what you just told us.... about not being worried about the "juice" (or whatever it is) to be over but being worried about her ....being obedient and following instructions which are always for her good....

:) ... I hope you find the right way to deal with this...

Paloma.

Gen I have this with Sinead and it drives me insane, my dad once caught her stood in the sink in the downstairs toilet.

I try to ignore the behaviour but not sure if this would work with an older child. Could you put the lid on tighter. Or you could get a juice dispenser and put some diluted in there.


I really do not know what to suggest, I really hope you find the answers soon.

My middle child is my "sneaky" one. And I just truthfully try to limit his sneakiness by not making it an option. If the sneakiness is punishment worthy and is a bold lie he is punished. But each child as you know Gen is soooo different. We as parents know how our particular child learns their lesson best. With this son its not a smack on the butt, he actually would rather have that than a punishment in his bed. Spankings are of no bother to him. So we are leaning how best to discipline our strong willed child.

The others, each age and personality varies so greatly that I have no one consequence for all the children. Some its TV removal, others they aren't allowed to go to work because they love working......

I understand that its hard to bother with some of the instances but address them non the less. Even if its in conversation at bedtime, that you noticed...... today with said child so they don't think they pulled a fast one on mom. I always do this because we are sometimes out and about and I can't always discipline if I'm talking to someone, paying in line for something, etc.

Sneakiness is something that can get out of hand and for some children its seems like every 5 minutes they need to be reminded of this it does get tiresome I understand but be vigilant if you can. Sometimes one of the kids will not understand why I can't trust them when I say I can't. I restate to them that if they are going to try and be sneaky, or try a white lie there will be consequences and this is it.....

I need different tactics with my 3 year old as opposed to my 15 year old.

If it were me Gen I would just not give her the option of adding the water, you just do it, let her know until she can be trusted to do_____ you will be doing it and each time she tries to not do it, than again you will take over the said task. With my one son like I said I just leave the sneakyness option not to be there if I can, forcing honesty with that child of mine is a must. And we read stories why lying is bad, or we read a story and I ask Logan "now what did that boy/girl do wrong there Logan" knowing full well what the story was going for.

A bit rambly there but I hope I came across the right way. You are a great mom Gen, just tweak things as needed.

I just woke up and I dont knwo if this will make sense but I wanted to make a response bc dh is off work today and I wont get a sniff of the computer, lol.

Paloma, Everytime I read a post of yours I think 'She is so CUTE!!' I mean what you said is spot on. But I just think 'She is so blinking CUTE!!!'

Zoe, Im so daft. When I read what Sinead had done I thought 'Well... whats wrong with that!' My kids do that sort of thing to be silly often, now if they did it in public... thats different. My son will be told seven hundred times not to jump down the stairs because at the bottom of the stairs is a massive door with a glass pane in it. It might hold up if he smacked into it but it might not.

Renee, I knew I had to address it. After I posted this I was so ... flustered and kind of shocked that she would do that so I prayed. Now I was telling her that its the sneakyness more than anything thats wrong on top of the fact that I told all the kids I wasnt buying anymore juice (a luxury at the moment) so lets make it last. And she got about half in one go and no one else got any. Her punishment is that she wont be allowed any juice all week, it was meant for school. But Im thinking Im going to stick to not buying anymore, no one will be allowed any juice then, and when I buy some next week, she wont be allowed any all next week. Then I will be pouring it for her. I dont like to be a bible thumper with my kids, and as I was talking to her about it, of coarse I was convicted of all the things I do that I shouldnt do. That will keep me humble in disciplining, but it wasnt going to keep me from disciplining. I wasnt heavy about it but as far as the sneakyness is concerned I mentioned the fact that (I know it might sound wierd but it was appropriate) the wicked think there is no God and that they can get away with anything. Now I know it was just juice, but its the sneaky behaviour she has. I wouldnt say anything like that to a younger child, but she's nine and it was a chance to reinforce some things we've talked about. That often happens where there are natural opportunities to reinforce things we have learnt in the bible. The other thing I said was that she was already forgiven. She was upset and sorry and crying so I made sure she knew she was forgiven. I, with myself being convicted, I told her that there are all kinds of things people do, myself included, that we shouldnt do but I dont hide away doing it, I want you (her) to not be sneaky about things, be open. I think this can be an opportunity to either bring things out into the open with her, being that she is nine and nine is the new pre-teen, as opposed to being too hard and punishing inapropriately, reinforcing the bad behaviour.

Not at all sure if this came out right, if it makes sense. I feel like I handled it right. Im going to have to be vigilant and intentional about it, like you said Renee about not letting being sneaky be an option.

Renee, you have a big family, do you ever find yourself having to ration food? I have had to do that and I feel bad and Im afraid it will turn into something subconcious in them. Will they turn around and horde food in the future? I dont know. Another subject I guess. I think i need another cup of coffee.[teaorcoffee]

Hey Gen, I haven't had to deal with this yet...but if I were to deal with it, I would probably say no juice unless you can make it properly. She is disobeying you and therefore disobeying God. Right now it is a minor offense, but you want to take care of the issue now before it becomes a major offense!

I would be very matter-of-fact with her. "Honey, you can't make the juice right, so you don't get any juice today." We'll try again tomorrow. Maybe tell her you want to be able to trust her, but you can't right now.


I dunno...I just woke up...still early here...

I agree, either I would make the juice for her or she gets none. I find that with mine, I better sit on the minor offenses or else. And when you lay the smack down (saying, not a beating), suddenly, after the weeping and gnashing of teeth, things get way better.

Yesterday, after lunch, we told the boys to lie down for a while. Then we would go for a bike ride. Now they share a room, with bunk beds and they were giggling and talking and not staying in bed. So after calling in there a few times, I moved over and sat in their room. They still didn't stop. So that was it, now we weren't going biking. The tears started, the weeping and gnashing of teeth, and kicking and grunting and all sorts of unpleasant. "If i stop can we?" Um, no! I'm trying to teach behaviour the first time, not only when you think you can get back in good graces. That's our fault though. So anyway, finally he accepted his discipline (which is key to me) by stopping his behaviour and acting as he should have at the beginning. Then after a while, they got up, but we did not go biking. Don't know if that will help at all, but the minor things become major and fast!

Gen, I didn't want to come across as know it all there, I just wanted to say you are doing fine, and that is just what I do. Each child is so different and each family situation is so different and we find--yes how they can be used to help the child learn and grow.

As far as rationing food, sweetie hugs, no we haven't had to do that. Probably like you when things get short, the mom always eats last. We haven't had too many times with food at a shortage, being in the food business there is usually something I can find in our times "our off months" thankfully. The hardest of times I use our coins in a coin machine and that is rare, but I gather coins non the less just in case.

I have no idea how rationing can affect children, maybe they really understand and can understand the entire family is struggling, I am sure it builds amazing character. But I can also see where hording may become an issue. I am so sorry this is something you, any mom should have to worry about. Feeding our kids shouldn't have to be a luxury in our times.

hugs, I think I'm going to send you a pm.

Sorry I've not read through all the responses...I have to jump up to tend to chores now that the baby is done with me. So, this will be quick and quite possibly redundant. :p

Disclaimer out of the way....

If she's sneaky with it, she doesn't get it anymore...period! She can't be trusted to do it correctly, so she has none. That would be my first course of action..taking that privilege away from her. Once it is allowed again, I would premix the stuff. Get a big pitcher or something that will hold it and pre-mix some stuff to the proper ratio. And even with that, I would be sure that she only gets it X times a day, with everyone else..if she sneaks, she has thereby brought upon herself the consequence of having NONE for mom's determined amount of time. Continued sneaking from there you are seriously going to have to dig into that heart issue and come up with further punishment.

hth

thank you all so much. Renee, I didnt think you were being a know it all! And anyway with five kids to my three I would expect you to 'know' more than me, lol. We arent struggling with essentials anymore, its all coming thru this week. The Whole Lot!! lol. We tend to get into situations where we struggle for a few weeks, then it all comes thru and we can get back on track.

Okay good, just wanted to clarify Gen. You are such a great mom, we all do the best we can and its nice just to bounce things off of one another here. I love hearing how other moms may handle certain situations on cmoms too. I kind of pull a little from everyone type of thing.

I'm so happy that things will not be so tight right now. Please remember I am an email away always!!

Okay off to take that walk with the kids I have been talking about. We have our 2 days off school, yeeeee!

Cute? Really? [whateh] ... interesting...

I wonder why... he he... but thanks !! ... :mrgreen:

Well... I am glad the rest of the ladies gave you advice with more experience :D

[lovingsmiley]

Paloma.