what unrealistic expectations did you have and how did those change after the baby came?

Here's some of mine:

1) Baby's crying is largely preventable. I can have a perfectly happy and contented baby if I am forever anticipating her needs and meeting them before she cries.

Truth: Babies sometimes cry for any and no reason at all. It's not always possible to have a "perfect" baby that virtually never cries, regardless of how good of a parent you are. Your baby's crying is not necessarily a reflection of how well you're meeting his/her needs. Sometimes a baby has a very sensitive temperament and is more prone to fussiness.

2) Co-sleeping is the biggest answer to parental sleep deprivation. If I have baby sleeping next to me, I can just roll over and nurse in my sleep.

Truth: Co-sleeping can be very helpful, since I don't have to get out of bed, go down the hall, and pull a screaming baby out of the crib. However, it is not a magic fix for sleep deprivation. Babies are not born automatically knowing how to nurse in the dark without waking up. It takes practice and patience to learn how to be an effective nursing team.

3) Breastfeeding will come fairly easily since I've prepared and planned ahead of time.

Truth: Breastfeeding was difficult and there were unseen variables such as a baby born with thrush and severe difficulty latching on. Breastfeeding did succeed--but not without much work and perseverance and support.

4) Since fast labors run in my family, mine will probably go fast too.

Truth: Every woman produces a baby at her own speed. After many hours of puttering contractions, and many hours of active labor (From Saturday night to Monday afternoon!), and quite a bit of pushing, my daughter came into the world.

5) Letting my baby ever cry herself to sleep is horrible and I can't do it.

Truth: Violently crying herself to sleep is not a good idea. However, sometimes I can nurse her, rock her, comfort her, etc. and in the end she has to fuss for a couple of minutes and settle herself down and then she'll fall fast asleep.

6) Baby wearing will go great and be so wonderful! The baby will love being snuggled close to me. I'll be able to get tons of housework done while I'm carrying her around.

Truth: The baby hated the sling most of the time at first. It took patience and practice to get her used to it. Also, although sometimes I can get more done while wearing her, it's not a magic cure for housework.

Co-sleeping is the biggest answer to parental sleep deprivation. If I have baby sleeping next to me, I can just roll over and nurse in my sleep.

Truth: Co-sleeping can be very helpful, since I don't have to get out of bed, go down the hall, and pull a screaming baby out of the crib. However, it is not a magic fix for sleep deprivation. Babies are not born automatically knowing how to nurse in the dark without waking up. It takes practice and patience to learn how to be an effective nursing team.


So are you still co-sleeping?
My 8 mo. son sleeps with us. And it definately helps with nursing at night. Especially in the beginning because I had a c-section, and getting up in the middle of the night was a struggle.
But I agree, it's not a magic fix. You still lack sleep because you worry about rolling over the baby.
And now I can't get him out the bed, forget the crib he will not sleep in it.

Thanks for sharing about your expectations. [thankssign]
GOD IS GOOD!

Yeah, I'm definitely still co-sleeping and we love it! However it was quite a disappointment to me that the baby couldn't latch on in the dark! LOL. I hated turning on the light and often even sitting up to nurse her. I'm hopeful though that someday she'll catch on! As far as being afraid of rolling on her, the first night that she slept next to us I was so afraid of rolling on her that I stayed awake the whole night and stared at her! However, you can only do that so long when you're sleep deprived. Eventually I did go to sleep and I developed confidence that I wouldn't roll on her. However, some nights I do want to relax in the bed and not worry about blankets getting too close to her, so she sleeps in her bed.

As far as being used to sleeping elsewhere, we have a Graco Pack 'n Play for her right next to our bed. For the time being, that's where she sleeps when she's not in our bed. When we need to move her out of our bed, that will be where she will go.

It's a hard question to answer Ruth because when you are having your first baby you don't really think of them coming early, and you don't generally think - when I have my first US I am going to find two babies and not one LOL! etc as is what happened to us, so the whole thing was un-anticipated in what having two pre-terms meant (as in having to clock feed 2hrly as they needed to put on weight - set alarms at night to wake ourselves up to make sure they never missed a feed!!!) - I think more or less, I listened to heaps of advice from a lot of friends and the majority of it I couldn't have lived without (particularly how to routine...)
I never invisaged pre-term labour, bed rest, being drugged up to the eyeballs or emergency caesarians LOL... oh dear!

I find this baby, I am so all the more relaxed about night feeds, it's actually a joy because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am generally sitting up in bed in the wee hrs giggling at Matilda's antics - besides I am not getting up every 2hrs, woken by a horrible alarm clock telling me to FEED FEED FEED so the twins won't end up in neonatal care in hospital!

Matilda sleeps in a cot RIGHT pushed up against my bed because over here the SIDS association does recommend "rooming in" but not "co-sleeping" we went through a spate last year of a horrendous number of babies being rolled on and smothered during co-sleeping and knowing me, I would be soooo paranoid in light of that information I WOULD NEVER SLEEP !!! (that's certainly not a criticism of anyone elses choices, I am merely telling everyone what we chose, so pleasssee no one be offended :wink: )

We keep Matilda in our room as we are afraid the twins might try and play "mummy" to her and attempt to lift her.

That's great that things are going so much better this time around, AussieMum!

As far as where baby sleeps, that's a totally personal decision. If you don't feel right with Baby in the bed, then that's not the right arrangement for you. I did tons of research and also looked up the safety recommendations for co-sleeping before we did it and we feel comfortable with it, but it's not for everybody (just as my other lifestyle choices such as homebirth aren't for everybody).

In the end, it's whatever works best for the individual.

Ruth I have really enjoyed reading this post! What you have said is SO true!

I now share my experiences with my pregnant friends who have no children just to let them know that there will be some challenges but that all moms have been through them and things have always worked at well.

And about co-sleeping...I would have not had it any other way. Both of my babies slept with me and it was a very wonderful and precious experience.

Thanks for sharing!

Stephanie :D

Well, you're kind of (at least I was) made to think that a lot of problems stem from inconsistent parenting. For instance, if the baby doesn't go to sleep well on her own, then you aren't doing exactly the same routine every night, therefore causing problems. And of course, sometimes, the best parents have rowdy toddlers, in which case, I've seen (haven't had to live through...not yet anyway) the best parents end up with great older kids, even though they were hardheaded their first few years. To me, that's a better judge, I guess you can say, of a good parent. Not how the kids are now, but what they become.

I thought I would never co-sleep, but we were all too exhausted to avoid that. The worst thing that happened was my big 4 month old falling of the bed onto pillows. It seems by the time they were ready for their own bed, I definitely was ready to get rid of them. :lol:

I also thought I would pump alot so I could have other people feed her. But of course, I didn't do it enough at first, and my first one wouldn't take a bottle at all after awhile.

And after wearing my 2nd one, who was preemie, I never thought a little 5 or 6 pound baby could get so heavy. It was still a life saver while I was trying to take care of my older daughter at the same time.

The main one I guess was I thought that I would be sad when my children get older. Although my oldest is not even 3 yet, I absolutely looove watching them grow up. I enjoy each stage even more then the one before. I'm not crazy about newborns like other sweet mommas are. I love when my girls could sit up and put food in their mouths by themselves. I'm lazy, I guess.

Yeah inregards to co-sleeping we never did because my dh didn't feel comfortable with our babies sleeping with us. What i have done though is have them take naps with me on my bed. It's fun. :D

That's so true Ruth, that is why I was careful to say "that's our choice".
After the way I have been treated by MIL I am very cautious how I come across and speak to other parents :wink:

I certainly don't look down on anyone who does things differently to us, I am more like "Great, if that is working, and you feel confident, thats excellent!" :wink:

So true, Aussie_Mum. :)

Vanessa, that's what my daughter and I do also. We take a nap together and each morning and she nurses all she wants while we're napping. It's fun. :)

I'm not crazy about newborns like other sweet mommas are. I love when my girls could sit up and put food in their mouths by themselves. I'm lazy, I guess.

:lol: me too! I do LOVE newborns but I am not good at doing night feeds.
It's so much easier once they are sleeping through the night. :oops: :lol:

for those middle of the night feedings (co-sleeping) I leave a light on in the hall or something Enough to cast a wee bit of light into our room so I could see what I was doing I would also often sit up in bed long enough to get latched on then we scoot back down and snuggle in bed The hall (or in our last case, bathroom with door slightly ajar) light was just enough, unlike nightlights in our room which were too bright for comfortable sleeping (not to mention, I hear night lights are bad for your eyes anywho)

I'll come read the rest later..baby nursing :)

Kerina - I know what you mean totally but I am enjoying Matilda a lot - I mean in the sense I am looking forward to finding more about "who she is" as a person, what kind of personality she is going to have - and looking forward to seeing her taring around the house with the other kids.

I am also looking forward to her being more robust, so I don't have to be so paranoid about my other two touching her.