older moms of teens please help!

[luvmy4sons]

So...my 17 year old just left. He headed out to buy some jeans at Steve and Barry's in Newark, to eat at Red Lobster, and see Flyboys...all by himself. I had asked him this morning to pray about taking his 12 year old brother, as the 12 year old endures football practice three nights a week and would love to go out to eat with him and see a movie( he could pay his own way) But he told me he would take him to see a movie next week and he needed a night out to treat himself. So...off he went.

I find it so hard. I don't want to be suspicious. I don't want him to think I don't trust him. I want him to be able to have some alone time. I mean as home schoolers we tend to do EVERYTHING together. Not that I think that is bad, but it isn't wrong to want to do things without the family! But seeing a movie and eating dinner alone? I told him I expected him to be alone and stay alone.

I lied so much to my parents. They were very restrictive. Had good reason to be, but it never stopped me. I can't think my son is of the same mind set. He has been raised so differently. I feel I have no right to distrust him at this point. It will be different if he proves himself untrustworthy, but he hasn't ever done so and really hasn't had opportunity to be in situations such as this that requires a different level of trust. You know? :?

I know that God will refine his faith and that I must sometimes just watch as the Lord does so and deal with things as they arise. I find this so unsettling. :shock: I find myself praying A LOT! I must trust that He who began a good work in my son will be faithful to complete it. Does this ever get any easier? :(

[AmyB]

Our "oh so wise one" will not be able to comment for a few days (and she is the experienced one), but I suspect as our children make more wise choices than not, it will get a little easier.

But you are doing the best thing we can do as we let go of our children. Pray and know that they will be in God's hands no matter what.

[hug]

[JoyLynn]

Oh Leslie... :( I'm not quite there yet. I've told my kids (with a sense of humor cuz I'm always acting silly :lol: ) that I'll definitely be checking up on them, doing whatever it takes until I know they can be trusted. I've joked about them sitting in a restaurant and looking over at another table and seeing daddy and I hiding behind menus. They laugh about that. I've told them that the most important thing to me is that they make it to adulthood safely and with their integrity in tact. Doesn't bother them in the least cuz I don't act suspicious of them or like they're doing something wrong. I could see popping in on Scotty while he's dining out or shopping and giving him a big hug and telling him I'm proud of him. Then slipping away. I'd rather my children realize that someone's always watching and to stay accountable at all times. I am, why shouldn't they be?

I don't know what the right thing to do is. God will have to show me when I'm there. But, I can totally see myself checking up on the kidlets from time to time in a non-accusing way. Our attitudes as parents are really everything. Checking up can either be hurtful or a sign that you care and approve of what they're doing. Who knows... maybe I'll change my mind before we get to that point. A lot can happen in a few years.

A little side note... Dr. Dobson talks about letting your kids know from the time they're little that you have your eye on them and will til they're adults. :lol: I'm not saying that's the best thing to do. I'm no expert. :wink:

I'll say a prayer for you, friend, that God gives you peace and discernment. Yah, following the Holy Spirit is a great idea! [OKOK]

[hug]


Joy [welcomewave]

[luvmy4sons]

Thanks Joy and Amy! :P This is just so weird to be here! Get this...he calls after the movie and tells me everything he did after he bought jeans before the movie. Tells me where is going to eat and what he is going to eat. Calls me right after eating to tell me he is on the way home. I asked him if his day turned out like he thought it would...you know indulging yourself a little and he says:

"Yeah. You know if you don't do that every now and then what is the point of having a job? " At 16 he worked 40 hours a week all summer long. And now he schools at home and is working 20 hours a week too. He is a good boy and I have no reason to distrust him. I didn't have time with football to go sit behind a menu at Red Lobster. Crack me up! LOL! [rotfl] But it did run through my mind to ask one of his aunts to go over there and check on him. :? But my spirit told me to trust him and I did. I think this time it was okay. Whew! It was easier potty training! LOl! :lol:

[Cristina]

Aw, it must have been so hard to let go!! We're quite a few years off from the teen years, but when I'm apart from ds for an hour I smother him and get all mother hen :lol:

[Madre]

It's pretty neat, Leslie, that he made himself accountable to you (without you asking, right?). I can completely relate to you and how difficult it is to begin to let them flap their wings (when you want to clip them instead :lol: ). I think you can take comfort in the fact that your son has a good foundation in the Lord from your husband and you. I also think it's good to remember that trust is earned by observing the choices that are made. You're right; up til now you really didn't have to do much trusting because he was always there under your eye. Now it does require a new level of trust (in God, mostly) and letting the rope out a bit to see what your son does with it. You can always reel it in if necessary.

[Robynn]

My sons are not quite there yet (13 & 11) but they will take off on their bikes sometimes, go to their cuzin's or to a friend's house. I still worry a bit, but I think the relationship is the most important part. With Mac i can look at him and say 'Who are you talking to??' and he knows that if he is real with me, I will be real with him. All my kids know that they cannot hise a thing from me, the truth will be revealed!
And I have to trust that I did a good job. I listened to God, followed Biblical standards, raised them to have a relationship with Christ.

That said...it will all change when they get cars!! I am sure!!