Hello Ladies:

I too now am having a 17 month old who tantrums with everything. I feel like I am going to go crazy. Lord help me......

Joel tantrums because, his teeth, over tired, can't get the toy to work the way he wants it, can't go and do what he is not allowed to do, frustrated because he is still not talking, much or pointing to us and we don't understand him, doesn't want his naps, doesn't want his meals, wants to do it himself but he doesn't want to do it. you know the routine. I have check out what some other moms do for tantrums but some of them had, FAS, autism, or other factors. We don't.

One thing I am struggling with is how to stop him from continueing on with his tantrums, how to dissapline. We have had to deal with false concerns with the Childrens Authoirty, which we had to start saying we would get a laywer to get it stopped. So I have alot of fear that they will come after us again for no reason. Actually I am down right paranoid with it now. Joel is finely walking PTL for that, so much easier. but he keeps falling and if he gets hurt or a bruise, someone will accuse me wrong again and then the Children's authoirty thing again. So that is a concern.

I see how others, have suggested to put him in a safe place and walk away until he is finished. we are trying that. But oh you just want to yell and tell him to stop it....eeeee. Yet i know it is normal. With this stage I sometimes wonder if I am going to make it....

I sure don't want him to get worse and we really want to help him to learn. so we use baby sign langage but he doesn't use it himself yet but really understands it. He has eight top teeth now and two more trying to come then the bottoms last two and done.... can't wait.

But my goodness, how do you deal with the constant tanturms and when will it stop? When will he start to listen to us? How do we disapline with out getting into trouble when we haven't done anything wrong the first time this all started.

Any Thoughts would sure be appricaited, also your prayers would do a world of good.

Thank you again, I am so so glad and blessed to have this place to come to.
Chris

I only have a sec., but I just wanted to encourage you and remind you that this will pass and your child will won't be in the tantruming stage forever.

Also, try and remember that the reason for the tantrums is that your baby doesn't have the verbal tools to express his feelings any other way than the tantrum. When you teach him how to deal with anger and frustration and all of those other big emotions, it WILL get easier and tantrums will get less.

I'd also encourage you to work on eliminating the tantrums before they begin, versus punishing for the ones you can prevent, if that makes sense. For instance, if you know your child is hungry, or tired, or in pain from teething, try to keep on top of those things with a snack, a nap, or a teether toy or whatnot so tantrums develop less often. When tantrums DO develop for those reasons, try to figure out the reason, and fix the problem causing the tantrum instead of worrying quite so much about punishing for it at the moment. At 17 mos, a child won't be able to control themselves to avoid a tantrum if they're hungry, in pain, or tired. You should let them know their actions aren't appropriate of course, but a punishment for acting out when they're tired or hungry won't mean much at that age iykwim.

For the other tantrums, the kind that aren't due to something like being tired or hungry, being utterly consistent with whatever discipline you choose, like timeout, and teaching them about their emotions and how you want them to express anger and frustration will really help.

I only have a sec as well....

To help with the verbal frustration...use signs. Sign language for simple things like 'eat' 'more' 'drink' goes a long ways. And *give* him the words to show his frustrations. Say he gets mad because you won't allow him outside 'yes honey, I know you would like to go outside but we can't right now. it's ok to be upset about that but you can't scream like this. you have to settle down. when you settle down we can find something else to do for the moment, ok?'

Give viable choices 'would you like the red cup or blue cup today?' Giving that bit of 'control' over situations helps. But too many choices can overwhelm and lead to meltdowns/tantrums.

When in the midst of a tantrum, go to him. Get down on his level, look him in the eyes and sternly, yet gently (no growling ;) ) tell him 'no, no screaming, no fits, you cannot behave like this. this is ugly behavior and you need to stop. settle down. you can TELL me what's wrong. we can TALK nicely about the problem. but you canNOT yell and throw a fit' holding their arms to the side often helps. It's not restraining, not holding that harshly, just holding them down, still, helps focus, connect and calm the child. Then again with helping him with the words to express his feelings.

Part of verbal frustration is that they just can't MAKE the sounds yet. Other part is they don't know that connection between words and feelings. We have to teach that to them. It's not difficult to teach. It's simply talking. :)

Express your feelings through words more often as well so he can see it in action. "Aw man, it's raining today. I didn't want to go shopping in the rain. But we need to go shopping. It will be ok. That's just kind of irritating that we have to trek in the rain now" (sorry best example I could come up with at the moment)

Instill time-outs when he tantrums. After getting on his level and speaking with him tell him he now has a choice to settle down or he can go to time-out. It's his choice..and that you hope he makes the right choice. What choice would God want him to make right now? Throw a fit? Or settle down and obey mommy?

I hope that helped a bit. Sorry if it seems kind of scattery. I really wanted to respond but realized I was pressed for time here. I need to finish gathering my crew and get out the door for church. :)

Great advice that I can use too! Thanks!

Well that is one thing we haven't done too much of. Helping Joel understand his feelings. I know he is frustated with the talking thing or the lack of it we have been using the baby sign, and words. he understands but has not used it himself yet. Now to figure out how to help him understand his feeling... we try and not disapline when he is tantruming because we know that he is trying to understand his feelings. We only want to displine when we really have too for sure. We don't want to undermind his feels at all. We will try the feeling part of it and see if this helps. thank you for your ideas. Please do continue to leave us ideas we really appriciate it lots.

Chris

I want to say hang in there, it will get better! I do have a ds with Autism, only diagnosed last Sept. he is now 5 but even with Autism we have been able to work through the tantrums too!! I know it is exhausting and we are going through the same with our 2 1/2 yr old right now in regards to tantrums, being strong willed etc. It is hard, but just stay consistent!! You have been given some excellant advice, help and encouragement.
Take care :-D

We are also experiencing tantrums with our 22 month old - largely due to her frustration regarding not being able to communicate the way she wants to. When we tell her that she can't have/do something she sometimes decides that we just don't understand what she is trying to say and throws a frustrated tantrum. Putting the feelings into words for her really seemed to help (e.g. I know that you really like those biscuits and want another one - but you have had enough biscuits for today.) She calms down quite noticibly when I take some time to do this with her. I think that it reassures her that I am understanding her but allows me to reinforce some boundaries.

Ethan is fifteen months old. You always hear about the terrible twos, but no one tells you how hard one year olds can be. For the most part he is happy, giggly, and content. He has always loved to make people smile and show off. But oh my, he has such a strong willed independent streak. He threw himself on the floor at the store when he was only 13 months because he wanted to go a different way. It is so hard because he understands "no" and simple commands, but getting him to understand that screaming and tantrums is not acceptable is so hard. He screamed for 20 minutes straight one night becasue he didnt want to sit at the table. So I just tried to talk to him and tell him I understood why he was upset, but he had to sit there. I go back and forth between wanting to laugh at his persistence, and cry because I don't know what to do. The worst is when he is teething and just yells from the pain. He hits and bites and screams, and I know he hurts, but I also know I can't let him act like that. All that to say I have no advice, but I know what you are going through. Honestly the terrile twos sound nice right about now!

Thank you so much Heather. it really really helps to know that you know completly what I am going through. I know the others do as well but you really did hit it right on with me. Joel is also teething, his last two molars on the top and the bottom. he is not quite 18 months yet but he already has 8 teeth on the top and bottom. they are coming so very fast. He has just started to walk within the last month and was running with in two weeks. He also just got over another ear infection which hit both ears, likely from the back molars. He is also very stuborn. he so much wants to be independent but he refused to walk, he could have earlier but he just didn't want to. Now the same thing with talking, he totally understands, he does understand no, and simple comands. he does understand the baby sign, but he would rather yell and scream and tantrum. It would be so much easier if he would tell me he would like a drink, or more, or no more, but oh nooooo he has to scream and scream and scream.EEEEEEEE I agree with you, I am also looking more forward to the days when he talks, more indepent and can tell me what is wrong with out YELLING AT ME. I hate to go anywhere with him because he could throw a fit and people will start to judge me again with me being a mother. Long story.. i would say just go look at my first prayer request when coming to this wonderful place. that explains it. I am also pulling my hair out with him damageing so many things. Today, my MIL's huge 40 +yr. old christmas cactus, beautiful plant, Joel keeps breaking it one way or another. he just can't leave it alone and it is very hard to find another place to keep it. My poor plant. It brought me to tears. Never mind the blinds, the drapes, the chairs, you name it he is poking holes, pulling things apart. he has lots of toys to poke and pull apart but our things are better in his eyes. Oh well. soon it will be all done. I can't baby proof anymore then I already have with out leaving only the four walls and a totally empty room. gee the thougth of a padded cell may work......hehehe. I am trying to find some humor in it.

So thank you so very much, you really did hit my feelings on the nose. we can help each other through it. I am hear for you too.

Chris

And then he giggles and it is all worth it. all the yelling and screaming is forgotten with those sweet baby belly laughs. I think God knew that one year olds needed to be cute!:lol:

Along with the constant tantrums we are finding the biggest thing is his teeth. He has 8 already on the top and the bottom. His last two molars are trying to come. Question for you anyone? How long does it take for the darn molars to finely come out? EEEE it has been weeks and weeks.

Thanks Chris

oy...there's no telling...honestly
sometimes some kids will cut them right through, other times, other kids take longer
it's like pg...it varies from one to another and one time to another...sorry :(

have you tried hyland's teething tablets for him? and we love our teething necklaces here (search here for a thread on it)

sorry, short posting this morning...busy busy ;)

Ethan already got two molars on top. They didn't seem to bother him nearly as much as the fourth tooth to come in on the bottom. I think that one took a couple months to FINALLY come in. He is doing good for now (by this I mean we had one good day :neutral:), but teething is the worst. I hate it and totally understand your frustration. Hopefully your little guy gets to feeling better soon.

My goodness, I didn't know this was such a hot item....

I thought I should update.

Joel's teeth seem to be finely coming with out pain now, he also had more ear infections all contributing to his tantrums.

We also got an assesment done and his tantrums are mainly because he is frustrated.....

he can't figure out how to get something to work, or it won't fit, so he gets upset and throws it. Also because is not letting us know things very well. He wants to comunicate but won't at the moment. Will not use the sign, point to things or nothing yet. He really does understand very well

So we are still working on it. We had a big battle during Thanks Giving Dinner of coarse the day we are to be soooo thankful... I put in a gripe on that one.

so far no more tantrums during meals. Yeah..... one start. it seemed to work that time. I am just waiting for the next time he thinks he will try it again.

thanks for all the prayers. It really helps.
Chris