So, of course, as with every other thing in life, people have opinions. There seems to be two extreme viewpoints on potty training, and a lot of views in between.

I have been told that the best way is to not even try to do anything until they're 3+ years old and then they'll do it on their own.

And then on the other end of the spectrum, yesterday, someone informed me that if Hannah tells me before she goes in her diaper, then she knows what she's doing and knows that it's "wrong" and should be punished if she doesn't tell me in advance (after one grace warning, I think) when she needs to go.

Does not potty training when she's showing readiness signs constitute disobedience and mean that I'm letting her rule the roost? That was kind of unsettling for me. I don't want to fight and battle with her and punish her for not using the potty and on the other hand, I don't want to wait until she's 3. Is there some happy medium in between?

Please share YOUR viewpoints and what has worked for your family.

Thanks!

I struggled with my youngest from the time she was 2 until 2 weeks before her 3rd bday. I had all the conflicting info too, and was so frustrated; but I'll tell ya what, when I eased up on her, she did her own thing. I stopped pushing it for about 5 months; and lo and behold she got up on her own one day, and said " I need to potty". I fell over!!!!!!!!!!!!! And she has been doing great ever since, minus an accident here and there. I never punished her for not going, and tried to keep my frustrations hidden from her. Sometimes they have a real fear of the potty, and punishing them could hinder things. :-D I don't know if this helps, it can be a difficult thing, I know. Hang in there!!!

If she can tell you she's going to go, she's ready for you to TEACH her. If she doesn't tell you and you HAVE NOT TAUGHT her, she doesn't know it's wrong. You can't punish a child for something they don't know is wrong.

With ours, once they are trained, however, if they don't take the time to stop playing or whatever to go, and they pee their pants, they do get a spanking. but they've already learned to go potty and they KNOW it's wrong, and we tell em' all the time "don't pee in your pants, if you have to go, you can come inside or you can pee outside". We also warn them, "if you pee in your undies, you're gonna get a spanking".

Hope that all makes sense, I'm kinda not awake yet, but there's my opinion.

I agree with Kana that you can't punish if you haven't taught her and have found that at first the harder I pushed the training thing, the more they refused it...they had to want it. It sounds like she has good cues to start the process--words and telling you and not wanting to be in a soiled diaper--expect night training to take longer for a lot of kids too. We don't spank here, but also after they were supposedly trained for several months--becuase at first accidents DO happen, that's part of the process!--they lost the item they were playing with if they willfully just didn't want to stop and go, now if they realized too late and ran for the potty to catch themselves, we didn't punish!--
and I will add this.....
1. she is still young, so teach her, but let HER lead and if she acts disinterested, DO NOT push it.....
2. it's harder when there are siblings on the way, especially the first and EXPECT the possibility of regression....I purposefully showed it all to my oldest and and let him go when he wanted and didn't push him and didn't really start training hard until about 2.5 due to the new baby...waited a couple of months after the baby to really train to skip the regression. It's all normal and okay!

Just let HER direct the timing and expect ups and down and all arounds....regression and accidents are normal, just hang on tight and let her drive the timing! It will save you both a lot of stress! Good luck!

I have been told that the best way is to not even try to do anything until they're 3+ years old and then they'll do it on their own.


I've heard that too, but I don't belong to that camp personally. IMO, if I was potty trained, gently, by the time I could walk, and so were my sisters, then I'd guess that most kids can be gently taught before they turn 3...not all, but most.

And then on the other end of the spectrum, yesterday, someone informed me that if Hannah tells me before she goes in her diaper, then she knows what she's doing and knows that it's "wrong" and should be punished if she doesn't tell me in advance (after one grace warning, I think) when she needs to go. Now I don't know about you, but IMO, and in our family, accidentally peeing your pants is NOT a sin. Sin deserves punishment in our house, not things that are normal and completely developmentally appropriate for a child to do. Especially considering that your child is still in diapers! I mean, a diaper is there specifically to catch the messes, so I actually kind of find it shocking that someone would suggest punishing a little toddler over using a diaper as it was intended to be used.

I also have never ever punished my boys for having accidents, even if they got busy playing and didn't make it to the bathroom in time. I would NEVER spank them and punish them for something like that, that is NOT a sin. There is nothing wrong about having an accident. There is no commandment that says "Though shalt not play too hard and wait too long to run to the bathroom to pee" or "Or thou shalt not inconvenience your parents by being a child and having an accident." It's an inconvenience, but it is NOT wrong.

Once my kids are completely potty trained, we let the natural consequences of their actions teach them, along with us reminding them every so often to go try to use the bathroom. For instance, when George was little, he would get to playing and push that little urge to pee out of his mind. That's ok, he's a child, and it's normal for him to be like that because he is a child and reasons as a child does. I'd try to always remember to ask him to go use the bathroom every couple of hours, but if I forgot to remind him, sometimes he'd play and forget, and have an accident on the way to the bathroom. The natural consequences of that accident were the BEST way to get him to remember to go potty when he first felt the urge. I mean, NO child wants to have wet undies and pants and socks. It's gross, unnerving, and sometimes embarassing. Poor kids...

Anyway, after the accident, I'd help get him out of his clothes, have him finish using the bathroom, help him wipe himself off with a baby wipe and get dressed in fresh clothes. Then I'd wipe up the accident, though I admit, it is hard to do that without getting unnerved once in awhile though.

DH and I have never felt it was right to punish a child for being a child. God made them the way they are, and he designed them to reason the way they do. Their brains are still developing, and we can't make them think like an adult. God actually likes the way children think, even when it means they get SO involved in an activity that they forget their own bodily functions. In fact, God even says in his word that he wants us to be like little children. I bet that he would desperately LOVE it if we put that same kind of intensity into what he's called us to do that WE forget ourselves too.


Does not potty training when she's showing readiness signs constitute disobedience and mean that I'm letting her rule the roost? NO, it doesn't consititute disobedience for her at all. Remember, potty training isn't something kids know how to do from birth, it's LEARNED. However, if you aren't teaching her how to use the bathroom when she's showing the signs she's ready to learn, then you're not really doing your job very effectively. It's totally not a sin to not train your child when she's ready, but it could come back to bite you and make things difficult for her to learn and for you to teach her if you don't teach her when she's ready to learn from you. However, I'm currently in that flux of "I know I should be more actively working on potty training" but haven't given it 100% yet with DS#2. Which reminds me, we need to get on the ball and actively work on this for the whole day, instead of just bit by bit...


That was kind of unsettling for me. I don't want to fight and battle with her and punish her for not using the potty Then don't do it. It's not a sin. Teach her gently and go with the flow.

and on the other hand, I don't want to wait until she's 3. Is there some happy medium in between? OF course there's a happy medium!

We always started by taking lo to sit on the potty immediately after waking up in the morning, and then we'd just take lo to the potty to "try" every hour after that. Once lo figured out how to pee "on command" so to speak, then we'd lengthen the time in between reminding him to go. Pretty soon we were reminding him every couple of hours, and then every few hours if he hadn't gone yet, and then he was just going when he needed to go. We'd also remind him to go before we left the house and right away after returning.

Training for bm's just fell into place, as we could see his cues, and rush him to the bathroom to do it on the potty, or to finish on the potty, and he figured it out that it only went in the potty.

At some point, when he was dry more often than wet, we just ditched the pull-ups completely, and dealt with a few accidents for a week or so. Then he was completely trained, and we only had accidents every once in a while. Like when it's raining outside:lol: rain seems to bring on the accidents.

Honestly, two important things. #1 I would not punish for accidents. When she is curious about using the potty - not just telling you when she has - then you might start working with her. But I would go super slow. Let her guide you. If she has an accident, don't make a big deal about it. Just explain that our pee and poo belong in the potty, not in our panties. I think punishing kids during potty training can send the wrong message and even delay training. Just my opinion...

Also #2 I would not try to have her potty trained by the time baby comes. I wouldn't even push it. A lot of times (as mentioned) there is a regression period and it takes longer to train them in the long run. They see the baby getting lots of attention and may even go back to trying to be baby too for short while...until they learn their role. I'm speaking from experience here! ;)

I agree with Becca. As for the "wait until they're 3+" advice, well thats just silly. All kids are so different. Some show interest even before they're two. Your daughter may start wanting to wear panties in a month, it's just different for every kid.

I would however talk to her about it. Start showing her pretty underware at the store and say something like, oh when your a big girl and use the potty we can buy you some pretty undies! Won't that be fun! And maybe get potty training books and movies to help her start thinking about it. Maybe even have her sit on her potty when you use yours or get stickers and give her some every time she goes. Make it fun, and when she's ready she'll go.

I would definitely not punish her this early though. as many others have said.

Each child is unique & with potty training, there's no magic rule. It must be approached differently with each child, depending on their readiness.
If she is telling you she has to go or that she is going in her diaper, then that is a sign she is ready to be taught. I absolutely have no idea why someone would insert she should be punished... that's totally ridiculous to me.

Background info here: she has asked to sit on her potty and asked for paper and/or wipes, asked to have her diapers off, said "potty" while naked in backyard and then peed on command. She has stripped her dirty diaper off in the store and proudly said, "My diaper's off!" LOL. I put her to bed before, dressed in T-shirt, shorts, and a diaper. She woke up with just a T-shirt, she had taken her diaper and shorts off.

Yesterday, on a couple of occasions she said "Potty" or "Poopy" and I sat her on her toilet and she peed immediately.

That's what's making me think that she's ready to work on it.

Becca: Just to clarify what you meant, did you mean that if she wasn't showing readiness signs, not to push it? Would it work to train her before the baby comes if she's showing readiness signs? Or were you saying, regardless of readiness signs, don't try any training at all? I was a little confused at what you were saying and wanted to clarify.

It sounds like to me that she is ready to start learning if she can tell you before it happens in her diaper. She is still really young to start I think, however, girls do tend to start before boys. DS was over 3 when I would call him officially done.

I would not punish her unless she has learned and is on purpose having an accident. DS took longer to BM in the potty and he would go in his toy room and lay down and go so I started telling him untill he used the potty, no more train room and it took once and he was officially done, but he was over 3.

You could also start a sticker chart for when she goes, that may be exciting enough to get her really interested. We did that and marker stamps on the the hand and then everyone could see what a good job he was doing.

If only now I could get him to wipe better........ :)

If you wouldn't punish a child for falling off a bike then I wouldn't punish for an accident during potting training - kids have to learn to use their muscles to hold it until they get to the potty so in the beginning of course they might not realize they have to go until it is "too late" and they don't have the muscle tone/coordination to hold it even if they try at that point.
The only time I would consider punishment is if a child did it on purpose - I do know of one toddler who never wanted to go to daycare and would deliberately wet himself to delay going.

My oldest began training when he was 2 - he wanted to "pee-pee in the potty like mommy and daddy" - for a while he did both #1 and # 2 in the potty, when his brother was born he regressed briefly - he would still pee but only poopy in his pull-up at night. As soon as we stopped letting him wear pull-ups to bed (it takes a little while before they stop peeing in their sleep) he started pooping in the potty again. At first he tried to hold it in, but we could tell he had to go and was uncomfortable, so I sat with him in the bathroom and he was fine. Aside from the poopy regression I have to say that I think it was so easy because we worked with his body and not against it.

i agree with most everyone here. i would not punish a child for accidents or not using the potty even if they know how. your child is just learning. punishing will only lead to negative feelings about the potty. you want to encourage her to use the potty.
i have only trained boys. my boys were never interested in the potty b4 they were 3 yrs old. My first son was 3.5yrs old when he was trained, and my 2nd son was almost 4yrs old. My third son will be 3 in two weeks. I have introduced him to the potty, and he has on occasion went poop on the potty already. but if i sit him on there and say "go poop," he won't. he just sits there and screams at me that he wants to get off and doesn't have to poop.
I think he will eventually get it. I will certainly give him more encouragement once he is three.
I am so sick of diapers and pull-ups! after 6 years of them, who wouldn't be?
Anyway, on Jake's third birthday i am going to give him some big boy underwear and he will have to go in the potty. Except for when we are out and about. then i will use a pull-up.

Agreeing with most of the other ladies- please oh please don't punish for accidents. Not only can it make them afraid to go and cause constipation, but just because a child can go once or a half dozen times on command does NOT mean that developmentally/physiologically they have it all together to do it all the time.

I would definitely make a potty available and encourage her if she's that interested, which it sounds like she is- I wouldn't be shooting for 100% consistency anytime soon, especially since she may regress a little after new baby comes.

Good luck! :-D