Getting them to come when called!

[BlessedMommy]

Help! Please! Any suggestions? My DD is so disobedient when it comes to coming when called. I'm afraid that one day she'll kill herself by not coming when I call her. I've got to get a handle on this before the new baby comes.

Any suggestions?

[PianoMama]

um, well, this it totally important in our house! swift swat on the rear if not obeyed!

[~Tara~]

Yeah, what Kate said.
In order to train...you go get them..that means YES, you COME.

You call, they disobey, you go retrieve the child and mine would receive a swat to the rear for diliberate disobedience.

You can make a game of it at home. Having her practice doing what you say...without question...without delay.

But yeah, in short...around here, the child will get a swat and if they do not come, I go get them...grab their hand and walk them back to where I was repeating 'I said COME'

[Madre]

I agree with the drill idea. I would call her by simply saying, "Come". When she comes, make a big deal out of it and praise her. Then set her back in the same place and repeat. Also, I think it's good to wait until she is occupied and then tell her to come. I think this helps her to learn that your word is more important than what she is doing. Also, teach her to come without delay (no detours on the way).

You're right, Ruth. If she can learn to obey your word (rather than your tone) in simple, everyday times, then she will learn to obey in the crucial times.

[JeanineAnne]

Have to agree with the others on this one too. Not coming when called the first time is severe punishment.

We don't have much problems now that they are older. Also, now that they are older we realize that sometimes they are in the middle of something and a simple "on my way" gives them a couple extra seconds. But their response, whether by coming or calling is required immediately.

I guess we kinda did the drill thingy because once they were old enough to understand, I never went to them regardless. For several years we always made them come to us first. Its that training them up mentality.

[mama bronc]

I agree with what Tara said. It has worked really well for me and Braden (2 yrs old now). If I tell him to come to me and he doesn't, I'll walk to him, carry him to where I was and then swat his bottom. It really only took a couple of times for him to understand that I mean it when I tell him to come to me.

I have also gone to him after he has disobeyed me, swatted his bottom, and then went back to where I was standing and called him to me again. He got it pretty quickly!

Good luck!

Kendra

[BlessedMommy]

Thanks ladies! I will try that right away.

[RhysMom]

I agree with everyone else. Rhy is told to do something once and provided I know she heard me and did something else it is a swat on her rear.

[KansasMom]

Have you played Red Light Green Light...we started doing that so that they start to understand the stop and come but we introduced it as a game to begin with...then if I need them to stop I just yell Red light...and they stop or we play freeze...this has helped in that they at least don't run away until I can get to them or if a car is coming and they are out of the way but were headed into danger...it gets them to stop.

As far as coming...we did the practice thing where I would call "CHECK IN" and they would have to come check in immediately or loose the priviledge to be outside...I did this a few times and they realized that if they came to check in they got to play if they didn't then they had to come in and so they now come for check-ins. when I made them come in, I'd explain to them that if I couldn't trust them to check in then I couldn't trust them to be outside so they had to come in.

I don't know if any of that will help you but I hope so.

[PianoMama]

Love the Red Light/Green Light idea - definitely will try that!!!

[Godzgirl]

Ditto all the above! A swat in the rear is what we do here if they don't come when called.

[NZMummy]

Have you played Red Light Green Light...we started doing that so that they start to understand the stop and come but we introduced it as a game to begin with...then if I need them to stop I just yell Red light...and they stop or we play freeze...this has helped in that they at least don't run away until I can get to them or if a car is coming and they are out of the way but were headed into danger...it gets them to stop.

As far as coming...we did the practice thing where I would call "CHECK IN" and they would have to come check in immediately or loose the priviledge to be outside...I did this a few times and they realized that if they came to check in they got to play if they didn't then they had to come in and so they now come for check-ins. when I made them come in, I'd explain to them that if I couldn't trust them to check in then I couldn't trust them to be outside so they had to come in.

I don't know if any of that will help you but I hope so.

I love these ideas - sounds like it might be helpful with my kids.

[kalihi76]

We do similar things to what KansasMom suggested. We don't spank & it has never been a problem...

[irishmum2boys]

Love the red/light green light idea too!!! With oldest ds this is a major problem, so I use word pictures for him as this works so much better for him as he doesn't respond when call his name so playing that game I think would REALLY work with him! We have a couple of word pictures I use, "hold hands with mom", "no running", "stop sign", if after looking at these and he does not heed them then he gets a consequence when he doesn't obey the instructions!

ok with younger ds I explain the rules before we go outside as we don't have a fenced in yard, we have boundaries where they can and cannot go outside if he breaks that boundary, he goes inside right away!! It is a main road to a residential area and there is always traffic ( even at 25mph still dangerous) At the park, he gets put into stroller for not obeying in that instance!

Hope this helps! Your not alone!

[hsgreen]

When did you all expect our child to come to you when you called. I have a 16 month old who looks at me when I call him. Sometimes he smiles and turns away, other times he giggles and starts to run away.[whatheadagainstthe:
So I guess I know he hears and knows what I want him to do, so should I spank him? He seems so little, but I don't want a little terror on my hands either. He is extremely strong willed and Mr. Independent. So how early did you moms that do spank, spank? How did you discipline your 16 month old?

[~Tara~]

Heather..yeah it sounds like your little guy knows just what is going on. I would start with the 'retrieve and swat' training, personally.

Start with simply retrieving. If that is continually disobeyed, I would begin the swat.

Mine have gotten a swat from the time they were mobile.

[KansasMom]

My basic guideline is understanding...do they understand what you are asking of them...if the answer is yes then I discipline for disobedience. If they do not understand then I teach them or train them to understanding.

I guess that is how I feel the Lord deals with us. If we have knowledge of His will and we choose to disobey Him, He will discipline us to teach us obedience. If we do not have the knowledge of His will, then He brings people and circumstances into our lives to teach us what He desires for us to know and then we are accountable to obediece of what He has taught.

I do not think age is the determining factor...more the understanding of what you are asking.

[kalihi76]

There's a difference between discipline & punishment.. God doesn't punish us.

I highly recommend "Your One Year Old" by Ames. It will give you an understanding of child development.

As an infant grows the brains two hemespheres start forming connections- these connections make it possible to integrate information and create complex thoughts- these connections are not "mature" until the age of 7-10. So we can expect that until these connections are made- we a) need to expect that children won't always be able to access information we think they know b) WE need to be their connections for them by modeling and coaching

The A & B points are what I would ask you to consider in your 16mo old. He is not at an age developmentally to come every time , or at all, whenever you call him. You will have to do a lot of "Get off your butt parenting" (goybparenting.org) with that age.

Coming when called takes maturity more than anything & practice will help.

[hsgreen]

Thanks ladies. I appreciate your input. I believe that Ethan needs consistent discipline, not just reactive punishment when I am sick of his behavior. I just want to make sure that I don't let bad behavior go, when I can teach him now. Dh thinks that ds will not respond to spanking because ds has a diaper on. I think that is silly, but I figured I would ask y'all.
Tara, I figure if it worked for your kids it should work for mine :-D, so I will definately go with the retrieve and swat method.

[Butterflykisses]

Great ideas. I am going to have to try the red light/green light. And I love the check in idea. Although at this point I am willing to try anything to get my 3 1/2 yr old to stop running away from me. I have always used to retrieve and swat but she just doesn't care. :-(

[kalihi76]

A child will learn this whether or not they are spanked - because it's about maturity , not disobedience.