My younger sister broke off her engagment and announced that she was homos*xual about 2 1/2 years ago. Up until that point she was a very frequent visitor at our house and used to spend many weekends with us. Since this was right before we moved to GA we did not discuss this with our girls. Plus they were younger at the time (9,7, and 4) so it didn't seem necessary or appropriate.

Since then we haven't spent much time with her during our trips north. She's kept her distance from most of our family (her choice, said she needed time to 'find herself'). My girls have missed their aunt, but I've easily explained that she's been busy and since she lives so far away we just don't get to spend time with her the way we used to. This is quite true of course.

She's been emailing and calling lately and would like to spend some serious time with us when we visit later this month. She is now in what she considers a serious relationship with a woman who also happens to have an 8mth old son. We've seen her briefly these last couple of years, but she's never had a significant other with her.

I'm at a loss as to how to handle this with my girls. I miss my sister dearly and would love to reconnect with her, but am not sure what to do. I know that my sister will not come and visit us without her partner. It probably is time that I explained all of this to at least my olders anyhow. I guess that I'd hoped and prayed it was not a permanent choice for her. I honestly don't think that my children understand this whole topic in general, they've been quite sheltered.

Not that it matters persay, but my sister was always a very positive influence in their lives before all of this. She happens to be a middle school teacher and is very stable and together in general, though sadly lacking a relationship with Christ.

Of course, I've had my whole own set of issues with all of this. It's been painful and disappointing for me and I often feel as though I've lost my only sister (we have 3 brothers as well). Others in my family also don't share our faith so they don't truly understand some of our feelings about this.

If we decide to visit with her, what should I say to prepare our girls? I guess I want to get the point across that we love her (and as Christians should love everyone) but at the same time that we view this as sinful? How do you think you'd handle a similiar issue in your own family?

I hope this isn't too controversial of a question. Not looking to start a debate, just hoping for some good advice. Thanks!

We have told our older kids that some guys want to marry other guys and some girls want to marry other girls. They thought about it for about 1/2 a minute and said thats gross. We explained that it was a sin and we should still be nice to people like that but that we just don't believe that God wants them to love someone that is the same sex as them. We have recently had to talk about transgender people as well due to a man/woman that is out walking every Sunday as we go to church. We have explained that everyone sins but sins that involve your body are harder to live with and accept because we are made in Gods image and the sin is against Gods image as well. We also told our oldest this includes doing things before marriage. We have told them that God doesn't just make up rules or try to ruin peoples "fun" but that God made us and knows what is best for us. I don't know if I explained this well in the post, hopefully so. It really seemed to help the kids understand when we talked about it.

One point I always try to drive home with kids, when explaining sin is that, we should still love people and also that we are ALL wicked people and the only reason any of us are going to heaven is because Jesus died on the cross for us and we accept His sacrifice... and it's not because their sin isn't as bad as ours.... and that many people are still lost because they haven't started trusting Jesus. Or something like that. Yeah. lol - goes a long way though since you don't want kids to become self-righteous about stuff when they grow up thinking they are somehow *better* than others because they didn't do x, y, or z.

I can imagine the pain your family has gone through during this time. This is not an easy thing to deal with, and it is very hard to explain/share with children.

If I were in your shoes, I would take the honesty road. This is a great time to share salvation with your children. To speak in terms of sin language, but to express God's unconditional love for his children and that we are called to do love the same. I would also help my children to see that no sin is greater than another, sin is sin and it disappoints God, and that we are all sinners. I might even have my children think of some of their sins towards you as a parent and the fact that you love them regardless of their sin to give them a concrete example.

As a final note, as long as your sister is comfortable, I would allow my children to ask her questions about her lifestyle and what that means. But, I would tell them that they are not allowed to hurt her feelings and teach them things that they shouldn't/can't say to your sister (i.e., You are a bad person and other things that kids might say to someone that might be inappropriate). After your children talk to her about things, debrief them, clarify things, and reinterate God's unconditional love.

Your family will definitely be in my prayers.

Beth, I will pray for you and your sister. I was replying earlier but was called away. We do not deal with this issue personally but we do in our line of work, well everywhere and everyone does to a degree I guess. And thus far my second boy is the only one that has questioned it. At one point earlier this year we had a couple (female) working for us and this raised a concern for me with the children, but they soon left and it raised no questions.

Thank you for posting this as it is a concern of mine as a parent regarding how to handle this issue with my kids. Thank you for opening this line of communication with others.

Hugs

Thanks for the support and advice ladies. Dh and I probably have a harder time with it than perhaps our girls will. I'll let you know how the conversation goes. I'm waiting for an opportunity to arise within the next couple of days or so.

This is just me, Beth, but I don't think I would encourage your girls to query their aunt as to her lifestyle. I'm sure she would be discreet, but I can't see what that would accomplish. If you choose to address this issue with your older girls, I would keep it simple and biblical.


Romans 16:19 For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.

We are in a really similar situation to you Beth - except my kids are too young to have had to discuss it with them yet. Dh's sister lives with her female partner - and usually they visit together. However, at the moment they are overseas for a few years. We love her dearly and she is fantastic with the kids. I am also looking for a way to talk to the kids about the issues eventually without hurting their love for their aunt.

I was thinking that we would probably talk about how God has called us to live - his best plan for our lives. That this is how we honor him in our lives, our bodies and our choices. I would probably talk about sex before marriage at the same time. That some people do not believe in Jesus - they do not feel called to live the same way that we are called to because they do not know Jesus yet. That all sin disappoints God. We should love people unconditionally, as we are all sinners. We can tell these people about Jesus and pray for them to know Him – we mourn when their lifestyle hurts them. But we need to accept that people who do not know Jesus will not feel the need to live like they are Christians – and we should not have the false expectation that they will. They need Jesus to convict them – not us to condemn them.

My feeling is that there is danger in allowing the girls themselves to query their aunts lifestyle because it could come across as very confrontational, the girls could find themselves well out of their depth and it could damage all relationships involved.

I would not how to handle it hunny sorry, I have quite different views and do not see it as sinfull.

All I can suggest is to pray about it hunny, I have not read all replys but I hope you find a soloution.

My dh's 2 siblings are gay and lesbian. We were honest with our children that these were personal choices. As Christians we believe that their choices are a sin, but they are family and we love them anyway. We had to do the hard thing and tell the siblings that we do not approve of their lifestyle, and could they please be discreet with our children and us. They responded well and respect our position. We visit frequently, hangout together, eat dinner together at least once a month, and generally foster the relationship the same as if they were straight. Jesus tells us to love everyone. This is your sister, and that is important. Would you would still be a part of her life if she was living with a man outside of marriage? Sin is sin, we just seem to be more uncomfortable with the homo*ual issue, than with any other sin.

My dh's 2 siblings are gay and lesbian. We were honest with our children that these were personal choices. As Christians we believe that their choices are a sin, but they are family and we love them anyway. We had to do the hard thing and tell the siblings that we do not approve of their lifestyle, and could they please be discreet with our children and us. They responded well and respect our position. We visit frequently, hangout together, eat dinner together at least once a month, and generally foster the relationship the same as if they were straight. Jesus tells us to love everyone. This is your sister, and that is important. Would you would still be a part of her life if she was living with a man outside of marriage? Sin is sin, we just seem to be more uncomfortable with the homo*ual issue, than with any other sin.

That about sums up our feelings about this. My only frustration with my sister is that she seems unable to do anything apart from her partner of the moment. My dh and I have been married almost 13 years and we are certainly not inseperable! It would be easier for us if she were interested in spending more time with the girls personally rather than insisting that everything is a package deal.

We did have the conversation with our girls. We spoke with our oldest on Sunday apart from her sisters and the others yesterday. Our 10yo (who honestly has a closer relationship with Christ) took this news very hard. She is also our most sensitive child. It was hard to explain to the girls that we firmly believe that this choice is wrong, yet that we should continue to love my sister. We talked about the fact that everyone sins etc., but I just think that they find it difficult on two levels... scripturally the older two know it's clearly wrong and they all just think it's plain weird and uncomfortable. As girls they can't relate to it. I'm not really any help there as I explained to them that I can't either, that IMO it's not the way that God made us. I think I finally successfully explained that if Christians were to cut off people who were living apart from God's plan, the Lost would never see the light and the love that we have as believers.

I asked them to be sure not to say anything hurtful or accusatory to their aunt, but indicated that we could visit only briefly if that was their preference. My 10yo was up late last night though and just doesn't understand why she shouldn't try to talk to her aunt about how wrong this is. She insists that if her aunt doesn't change her course she'll never make it to heaven and that's heartbreaking for my little one.

So, although I knew it was past time to tackle this issue here, I'm a little sad about it all today. I don't know how much time we'll spend visiting with my sis.

I think I finally successfully explained that if Christians were to cut off people who were living apart from God's plan, the Lost would never see the light and the love that we have as believers.

I asked them to be sure not to say anything hurtful or accusatory to their aunt, but indicated that we could visit only briefly if that was their preference. My 10yo was up late last night though and just doesn't understand why she shouldn't try to talk to her aunt about how wrong this is. She insists that if her aunt doesn't change her course she'll never make it to heaven and that's heartbreaking for my little one.

So, although I knew it was past time to tackle this issue here, I'm a little sad about it all today. I don't know how much time we'll spend visiting with my sis.

[huddle] Beth first hugs sweetie, you did a great job talking to your girls. I have yet to discuss this issue in depth with any of my children. But what you wrote will help me have the words to explain, just beautiful wording! You are such a great mom, and I know the situation is disheartening because we really don't know what happens regarding sin after death. I think so anyway I am not a bibilical scholar by any means.

I often tell my children when the see or hear of a sinful action either family, they see on news, or friend has done. I tell them we pray for everyone, no matter what we pray, and also we are not the final judge only God is. I heard a quote one time saying "you may be surprised by who all gets into heaven." And that took me a moment to practice that and remember that, thankfully its not our concern who gets to heaven (is that bad to be relieved of that) but it is our concern people know the Lord and we try to lead them in that direction. Did that make any sense? I am not the best one to write responses sometimes, I stumble all over myself.

I asked them to be sure not to say anything hurtful or accusatory to their aunt, but indicated that we could visit only briefly if that was their preference. My 10yo was up late last night though and just doesn't understand why she shouldn't try to talk to her aunt about how wrong this is. She insists that if her aunt doesn't change her course she'll never make it to heaven and that's heartbreaking for my little one. .

This is hard, but we need to remember, if she is a Christian the sin of homosexuality will not keep her from heaven. No sin will, or none of us would get there. She will have to answer to God about it, just as we all will about our individual sins. The big thing to pray for is salvation.

Here is a link to some articles that you may find helpful.
http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/getting_started/

This is not an easy time for you I know. Hugs and prayers for you and your girls!

This is hard, but we need to remember, if she is a Christian the sin of homosexuality will not keep her from heaven. No sin will, or none of us would get there. She will have to answer to God about it, just as we all will about our individual sins. The big thing to pray for is salvation.

Here is a link to some articles that you may find helpful.
http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/getting_started/

This is not an easy time for you I know. Hugs and prayers for you and your girls!

Yes, we will continue to pray for her salvation. She professes not to be a believer. My older dd's feel (and I agree that this makes some sense) that the lack of a relationship with Christ is the reason that she's made these lifestyle choices. Thanks for sharing that link!