Sitting Through Church?

[MomFromCanada]

Hi All,
I apologize if this topic has already been talked about, but just wondering what your thoughts are on getting kids to sit through Church, e.g. my dd is 18 months old, and we try to get her to sit as long as possible but then when she becomes disruptive that is when my dh and I will tag team taking her to the nursery. There are people there who will care for them during service but I've noticed most mothers just stay with their kids anyway.
I would like my dd to learn to sit through Church, but it is so hard to pay attention and get anything out if it. We try to bring quiet books, and snacks.
Should we just leave her in the nursery and later on when she is older get her to sit through Church or just start now and deal with it? I like to think starting young is better but I would love to get more out of the service. I was just wondering how everyone else deals with this.

[jwright]

We would leave our boys in the nursery and then around 2 - 2 1/2 yrs. old we would have them sit with us for the first part of the service (singing, offering, etc.) The closer they got to 3, the longer we would keep them in the service with us (unless they got disruptive of course). The "rule" for our church nursery is that at 3 yrs. old they are "too old" for nursery.

hope this helps some.

Janell

[~Tara~]

I'm a believer in teaching kids how to sit in church from the get go.
I say, keep up what you're doing. Quiet Bible story books, coloring books with crayons (if your child can handle them appropriately..some 5 yr olds can't LOL) And most of all, patience. Yes, it is hard for mom and dad to be fully engaged in the service, but that's why you trade off. One week one parent takes the child out as/when needed, the next week, the other. And the idea is not to just take the child out to go play in the nursery. Not the way I see it anyway. You try to quiet the child in the service. If it doesn't happen, then promptly take them out to the lobby or other such quiet area. Settle them down (if it's a younger having a fussy time or whatever) If older, talk to them, say 'ok, we can get a drink/use restroom, then let's go sit back down for church'
If you continually take them out of church to play in the nursery, they will *quickly* learn to "squeak" in order to go have fun.
There's honestly no reason why a child cannot sit through a service. I've done all of mine this way. That 18 months area is *the* hardest (for my boys anyway, girl wasn't *as* bad), next to the 9 months range hehe But dh and I just take turns tending to the 'baby'. Going out and preparing the child to come back in and sit nicely. Persistance and consistency are key.

[mamallama]

I say it is entirely up to you and your preferences. What we do is this: Both children stay with us for worship/singing, tithing, announcements and then they dismiss the children. Our one-year-old goes to the nursery and then our three-year-old goes upstairs. They have Sunday School while the adults stay in the auditorium for preaching/teaching. It is really hard to get the spiritual "food" that you need while trying to care for two young ones (or even just one for that matter) and keep them quiet during the entire service.

[Jackay]

I say it is entirely up to you and your preferences. What we do is this: Both children stay with us for worship/singing, tithing, announcements and then they dismiss the children. Our one-year-old goes to the nursery and then our three-year-old goes upstairs. They have Sunday School while the adults stay in the auditorium for preaching/teaching. It is really hard to get the spiritual "food" that you need while trying to care for two young ones (or even just one for that matter) and keep them quiet during the entire service.

This is exactly what we did too. :D

[wesleysmom0604]

My church has a wonderful childrens program and I use it. I can't expect my son to sit in "big church" with us. It is boring for them. It was boring for me when I was a kid. They are better of in a classroom where they are teaching them about God at there own level and that way we can get what we need, along with the rest of the adults, out of the "big service" insead of being distracted. It actually really bothers me when parents have their kids in service with them. Unless the kid is sick or something, then that is understandable. You don't want to expose the other kids.


Our church doesn't do Sunday school before service by the way, we only have it for the kids and it is during the adult service. So, the kids are in one and we are in one. They don't join us in the big service till they are teens.

[SpiritFilledMomof2]

My church has a wonderful childrens program and I use it. I can't expect my son to sit in "big church" with us. It is boring for them. It was boring for me when I was a kid. They are better of in a classroom where they are teaching them about God at there own level and that way we can get what we need, along with the rest of the adults, out of the "big service" insead of being distracted. It actually really bothers me when parents have their kids in service with them. Unless the kid is sick or something, then that is understandable. You don't want to expose the other kids.


Our church doesn't do Sunday school before service by the way, we only have it for the kids and it is during the adult service. So, the kids are in one and we are in one. They don't join us in the big service till they are teens.

I agree. It's not fair for the child to have to sit through an adult service if they are just too antsy. If your church has a program for children then utilize it. Childrens programs are designed to teach the Word to children at their level so they can understand it. When I was forced to sit through church as a child it set me up for a negative outlook on church. I left when I was old enough and by the grace of God I found my way back. Not only is it unfair to the child, but it takes my focus away from the sermon when I'm dealing with my child. I end up feeling more stressed out leaving then when I did going in. If you are concerned about them learning to respect a service and sit still, that will come when they are older and more mature.

[BornInSeptember]

I believe that the correct time to start discipline is from birth. I don't mean that you should take your newborn into Church and then spank them when they are making loud noises. I mean that start taking them from birth, work with them slowly and they will learn that Church is a time for sitting still and being quiet. Eventually they will be at an age where they can listen, and since they have been taught to be attentive from the start, it won't be a huge step to start listening. Most people where I go, bring coloring books, books, crayons and a doll or a few soft toys for their kids to play with during Church. Anything that isn't loud (no metal cars, markers that sqeak, dolls that cry, toys that make electronic sounds etc.) Keep them in the chair. My friends that let their kids play on the floor or walk around in their row have a lot less success at keeping their kids quiet than the ones who keep the kids in their seats.

[Rach]

momfromcanada,

I totally agree with Julie and Karin! Even some adults have a hard time sitting through a service sometimes. Each child is unique and especially having a special needs child (4), he just doesn't understand how to sit still and be quiet.
I am a firm believer in letting kids be kids and showing them the way, at an appropriate pace.

With the other 2 boys, we pretty much do what Janell does... Aiden (6) stays for the whole service 95% of the time. He really likes the singing and bucket brigade and childrens' message.

With Bobert (18 mo.), we keep him for the initial round of singing and then take him to the nursery for the rest of the service (luckily it's during the greeting time so it's not disruptive to the service.)

Corporate worship is only one hour a week and I like to focus and devote my attention to worship. We have plenty of other opportunities to practice sitting down and being quiet. Every family is different, so try out some things and see what works for you. :)

[Godzgirl]

We have a children's ministry at church which is awesome. Each age(grade) has it's own class and they have worship and a teaching that is in their level (something they can understand). We have our kids go their so that way we are feed and so are they. I do want our kids to go to the main sanctuary when they are older so they can see how it's like and how to act but i do like them going to their classes so that way they can learn at their level. I don't think my 2 yr old would understand anything or pastor says, kwim? Anyhow, that is my 2 cents and as a teacher i have talked to kids and they have told me that they like going to the classes much better because they don't understand the teaching the pastor gives. They were like it's for adults. Kids! :lol:

[kymommy]

We did nursery until 3, then at 3 the girls joined us for singing, anouncements, etc, then went to children's church during the sermon from 3 until about 7. Now they are 7 1/2 and 10, they both sit through church with great behavior, Praise the Lord. In our case, not starting at birth didn't keep them from learning to sit through church. In fact, they always wondered what the grown-ups were doing, so they were excited to finally find out. I've never had to leave a service with them. They know that if they have bad behavior myself or daddy will take them to sit in the car for the rest of the service. Thankfully, I've never had to do that. Hope you find what works for you.
kymommy

[7thHeaven]

Hi! I have a 20-month old dd. We're visting churches right now so she goes to the nursery, but what we used to do with Sam is keep her in the service for the P&W and announcements and then take her to the nursery before the preaching started.

[jengrant]

My church has a wonderful childrens program and I use it. I can't expect my son to sit in "big church" with us. It is boring for them. It was boring for me when I was a kid. They are better of in a classroom where they are teaching them about God at there own level and that way we can get what we need, along with the rest of the adults, out of the "big service" insead of being distracted. It actually really bothers me when parents have their kids in service with them. Unless the kid is sick or something, then that is understandable. You don't want to expose the other kids.


Our church doesn't do Sunday school before service by the way, we only have it for the kids and it is during the adult service. So, the kids are in one and we are in one. They don't join us in the big service till they are teens.

Our church does it the same way.

[Cristina]

Ds was great in church until about 9 months, when he started to get mobile; so that's when he started staying in the nursery. Since about 13 months old he is aftraid of the nursery though, so I usually end up staying back there with him. Personally, I don't expect a toddler to sit through church any more than I expect him to sit in one spot for an hour at home; that's torture for a curious little one!

[love2bmom]

Posted: 20 Sep 2006 12:35 pm Post subject:

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My church has a wonderful childrens program and I use it. I can't expect my son to sit in "big church" with us. It is boring for them. It was boring for me when I was a kid. They are better of in a classroom where they are teaching them about God at there own level and that way we can get what we need, along with the rest of the adults, out of the "big service" insead of being distracted. It actually really bothers me when parents have their kids in service with them. Unless the kid is sick or something, then that is understandable. You don't want to expose the other kids.


Our church doesn't do Sunday school before service by the way, we only have it for the kids and it is during the adult service. So, the kids are in one and we are in one. They don't join us in the big service till they are teens.




This is how we run our services. My son is being taught things on his level. And my DH & I teach/maintain the 0-2 room. It is a great atmosphere for the children. I believe you are not only taking away from your spiritual growth, but noisy children can be a disruption for others. Even if we are to keep our eyes focused on the Lord.

[MommaBear]

Gosh! I'm with Julie on this one. Our church has a great children's ministry and each children's group is divided (Babies in one room, walkers to potty training, potty trained to 5 in another...) This is part of the reason I choose this church. I wanted the kids to learn at THEIR level, not mine.

If yours does not have this then I'd probably just keep doing what you already are. Sounds as though it is a good system so far. With consistency I'm sure your little one will be fine. ~Kerri

[jen1981]

Where we go there is no nursery or childrens' program. We have Sunday school Sunday mornings when they go to their own classes, but other than that they are with us. We have a 4, 2, and 4 mo. old. The kids know what is expected of them and they do a great job. We have church on Sunday, Tue. and Thur. We always bring some books and quiet toys for them to play with. It is really surprising how much they listen and understand even though it is on an adult level. They are also learning that when we go to church it is an important time to learn about the Lord, and not just a place to play. The kids rarely complain about sitting and enjoy having the one- on -one attention from us. Yes, we don't always get a lot out of it, but the most important thing is being there, and gleaning what you can.

[mumof2boyz]

Same here Jen... we have no nursery or children's program, but there's sunday school for the kids 4 & up as well as adults before the service starts. I think it's okay for the kids to learn to sit through church, but I don't expect perfection when they're antsy little toddlers. Snacks & small quiet toys or books help, but by age 2 1/2 ds was doing great without anything. And I agree they do get a lot out of it even if it is more on an adult level. Ds comes home and repeats a lot of what's been said or sung. And some days I wish I could get more out of the service, but I feel like I'm doing the right thing right now.

[Twinsandmore]

I think it completely depends on each child. We wait until 6 months or so before we put them in the nursery. My oldest has very profound ADHD, so he stayed in nursery/Sunday school until he turned 6. Now he goes to SS when we do, and than goes to service with us. He is now on medication, so it is easier for him to sit still. I have a "church bag" that I always have in the car. It has puzzle books and bible books for him to read during service. He does fine.

My twins do not have ADHD, and will start going with us to service when they turn 4. They will each have a church bag too.

I think you need to look at each child and decided what will work best for them. I also know that I need to get something out of church, and trying to keep my children quiet makes me too distracted to enjoy the service.

[LaDonna]

Most of the time our youngest dd age 2 goes to nursery. Sometimes we have taken her with us but it doesn't last long. Our oldest 3 1/2 goes to church with us. She stays for the singing which she absolutely loves announcements and tithing. After tithing all the little children go down to the front for the children's message after that all the children go to choir practice which then leaves it to where the parents are able to hear the sermon. Our nursery only takes up to age 4 but Mady has been in big church since a little before she turned 3. It has worked out really well this way.

[danter]

I have to say we've raised 3 kids like Tara has. We tried different approaches and found the best was just to keep the kids with us unless they were teething or had a problem that wasn't contagious, then one of us would stay with the undertheweather child in the nursery, for the benefit of those around us in church. Contagious children stayed home with one of us, not with us in the sanctuary where many elderly could catch the bug and get seriously ill.

We visited a Presbyterian Church in Elkhorn Nebr., by Omaha, that had printouts of rules for parents that we found we used the rest of the time our children were small. They believed in keeping the children with parents and provided appropriate activity bags for different age levels. They had advice such as, if your child has a question during church, promptly respond in a quiet voice so the child can move on to the activity they are doing, and don't need to keep trying to get your attention. It's amazing how much kids question about what is being said and done in church! There were about 12 items of advice that really spoke to both kids needs and needs of parents, but I can't remember them. If someone happens to know of a list such as this, please speak up!

We found our children learned quickly to be quiet during church, even the one with ADHD. We gave him activities that kept his fingers moving, such as a keychain Etch aSketch, children's toys that involved manipulating but didn't have lots of parts, as well as the usual Bible books, coloring books, and a few small foam cars with trailers. Other parents with similar issues had a Noahs arc complete with people and animal figures that kept their children quietly occupied and thinking. We sat in the area with other parents of small children and allowed my son to be on the end of the pew where he could stand to watch and listen without disrupting anyone else. As a result, they all listened and remembered things from the service that spoke to them and what was going on in their worlds. They also learned that Moms and Dads have to follow rules, like being quiet and paying attention to other adults speaking.

I do have to make a point that hasn't been brought up. We left a church here where the pastor's preteen children used the leftover stack of bulletins during church to make and fly airplanes, where it was common to have the children playing electronic games like gameboys, or looking at inappropriate books and magazines during the service, playing boardgames on the pews, while not participating with singing, reading along with Scripture and being disruptive by loudly fighting with each other. We can only assume they were always allowed to do as they pleased during the service with no thought about what God wanted them to do or what effect they were having on others in the church.

I'm a believer in teaching kids how to sit in church from the get go...Persistance and consistency are key.