All of a sudden my 4 year old son thinks that everything has to be a competition. He hasn't been like this before. I am assuming that this is a normal phase. How does everyone else deal with this sort of behaviour? I started out basically ignoring it - but I think that I need a better way to approach it with him. It goes from everything from being the first to get dressed in the morning to being the first to wash their hands for dinner. If he happens to miss out on being first at anything he complains about it. He is beginning to taunt his little sister regarding things that he is faster or better at (or things that he just happened to get to first). Thankfully she is too young to even notice the taunts yet (and thinks that he is the best anyway) - but I hate to imagine the chaos when she does notice.

The other related issue is refusing to believe that he could ever lose at any game or be worse than his buddies at anything. Thankfully he is not a child that tends to give up if he doesn't succeed immediately. However, his style is to just refuse to believe that he could ever be lose or be less than perfect. If he is the loser of a game he simply refuses to believe it. At what age should I expect him to accept that sometimes he will lose a game and sometimes other people will be better at things than him? I have tried to talk to him about people having talents in different areas and games only being fun if the same person doesn't win every time. But he hasn't paid much attention to this.

Hey!
I don't think it is so much a boy issue, than just the older child issue. My dd was a little like your son when she was about 5-6 yrs old. My ds is 4 years younger than her and when we would all sit down to play a game, or have a race outside, she would pout if she didn't win, in her words, it was always, "unfair" if she happened to lose.
After she did this a few times, we would send her to have a time out and would explain that she can't always win everything, that games are "chance" and that it is more fun when other people get a chance to win. She grew out of it almost as fast as she grew into it. One of the best lessons she got was from her cousins who refused to play anything with her and they told her in no uncertain terms that they didn't like to play because she cried and whined when she lost....so I think they had more of an impact on her behavior than her dad and I.
You could let your son know that people might start feeling that way when he does it.
Dd is absolutely over that now, and has been for a very long time(she's 16 1/2 now), so don't fret too much

We started playing Candy Land with our kids. 6 and 3. Both of them want to win so badly that they get upset when they lose. The only thing I can suggest is what we're doing, which is high-five the winner and congratulate them (we force them to do this ;)) and keep playing games with them and eventually they'll get it after they've won and lost a million times ;).

I had this with my first born as Becky said. It got to me so much that we stopped playing board games. I mean I let him win most of the time but when he did lose, he didn't he said. I did most likely what you do over and over, its okay we all lose sometimes its the fun of the game, its not a race all the time...... Than when little brother came of age to give him some real competition oy he always had to be on top. Even today with 4 younger siblings he still has to crush them all to prove his superiority of birth.

Some of it pertains to his ADD and dyslexia I realize that too but a lot of it, if not most pertains to him being the oldest.

Till this day-- dare I say it hate-- board games. I am not a board game mom as it is and put in there fits with the kids, nope ain't happening. I'm lets color, paint, draw, read, play doll house type of mom.

Just keep doing as you are Jo. You may be blessed with more patience than I in regards to games and such. I just tried and try to make things as non competitive as possible but that's children showing their place I believe somewhat too, normal. You'll be surprised at how many ways you come up with to stop something before it starts. Moms are pretty handy that way in seeing a situation approaching and our ability to unfuel the fire so to speak.

I think Timmy gets his competitiveness from me. Whatever you do, do not *let* him win. He needs to learn that sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses. Everyone does. Me and Timmy do puzzle races sometimes, and it use to make him so mad to lose. And I told him that whenever he loses he needs to say, "good job, you did it really fast that time." Or something else that was nice. I told him everyone loses sometimes, and that's okay.

i agree. don't "let" him win.
I also think it's a normal stage of development. My soon to be 6yr old is very competitive and wants everything to be a game--that HE wins! LOL!
but my soon to be 5yr old wants to win too. they go at it sometimes, and i will have to step in and ref! LOL!
5 minutes later they're best friends again. I think a little competition is healthy. try to explain that it is only a game, and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. There will always be people out there better/worse than you.
I have to repete this mantra to them often. It still has not sunk in! LOL!

I have a nine yo dd like that. lol. I didnt think of her as competitive, she just doesnt like to lose so she'll go as far as to cheat, blatently, in your face and demand that thats how we should play the game. She'll change the rules so that she always wins. I find it quite funny myself, the ingenuity of it sometimes. I think its part of their personality showing that needs a good mommy to prune the bad bits and encourage the good bits of having a competitive personality. The bad bits we know but the good bits could be that they have a good sense of personal best, or could learn it. To compete with their own personal best, to be a gracious loser, sometimes too. I would say things like 'She's very clever, your sister, isnt she, she figured it out all by herself. Lets congratulate her'. Not those words exactly but something to that effect. There wont be one size fits all as in anything, with regards to how to foster or discourage what needs to be so, but understanding that it can be a natural personality trait (possibily) and something that can grow into something good is helpful.

Thanks for all your comments. I think that, as it has been said by some of you, it may be an older child thing where he is just asserting his place in the family. I think that it is something that he is doing particularly within the home and with his sister (and of course there is the normal hyper-competitiveness with his little buddies at kindergarten which is probably very normal and healthy for little boys). He is generally an easy-going and amiable little boy. I suppose that is why I was so surprised - it seemed out of character. We are still getting some tears when he realises that his little sister has beaten him to do something. I am just telling him that he cannot be first every time and then letting him deal with it. When he seems to be taunting her with being last I just suggest that she might get to be first next time - and he seems to be accepting that.

I have since watched him playing games at kindergarten. I was glad to see that the teachers were playing games with them and modeling the correct way to act when you lose. He seemed to be coping really well. When we were at home I asked him out of the blue what he would do if someone else won a game against him. He gave a beaming smile, said "Congratulations!" and clapped his hands. It was so cute...and it put my mind at rest a bit.

I am just now seeing this post, but had to chime in. As a former preschool teacher (and a mom of girls only) I was often astonished by the competitiveness of my older students ages 4-5. I didn't so much see it with my younger class (3yo's). One year I was struggling with a class of 12 boys and only 2 girls. It was way out of balance! I had attended a seminar and was told that testosterone peaks at two points during a boy's life, one at 4 years old and again around age 21. That fact just amazed me and seems to explain a lot!

So yes, my students had to be the best, the fastest, the smartest, etc. I'd even hear them saying my dad is ____ than your dad, etc. In my experience it's much more pronounced among boys and is a way that they establish their social place.

I wish my boys had some of that. They don't seem to care to do well or want to win, and it makes me :oops: sometimes.

That's very interesting about the testosterone peaks!

I have since watched him playing games at kindergarten. I was glad to see that the teachers were playing games with them and modeling the correct way to act when you lose. He seemed to be coping really well. When we were at home I asked him out of the blue what he would do if someone else won a game against him. He gave a beaming smile, said "Congratulations!" and clapped his hands. It was so cute...and it put my mind at rest a bit.

Aren't situations like that just THE BEST! When we see our childrens behavior without them knowing, and we see a glimpse of them for who they are. I love opportunities such as that. It helps bring things to light. You are doing okay Jo, more than okay, great! Just remember those times you saw at school, and when you asked him and he had the perfect response for when he has to race to brush his teeth first, race to put his shoes on first race to the door first, in the big picture you're doing great!