I have a very well behaved 17 mo old for the most part. But lately (over the last few months) I've noticed some of that toddler attitude coming out. For example, screaming and 'crying' when she doesn't get her way occasionally. I've tried spanking her, not hard, and she just screams louder, not a hurt cry but an attitude cry. I've tried getting in her face and stearnly saying "No (blah, blah, blah) Stop screaming" But she just does they attitude cry more and louder. Just wondering what I should use for discipline at her age. I was watching super nanny last night and noticed she used the 'naughty chair'. I have tried this a couple times and she just screams while in the chair til I take her out. Is that okay?? Should I make her sit there and be quiet?? Just wondering what I should be doing at this age. I really want to start something consistant and effective while she's still young before this escalades into a huge prob. Any advice??

With mine...
I would get at their level and sternly tell them "no, no screaming" (blah blah blah ;) ) I will hold their hands down in front of them and have them look at me as I speak. If I get an 'attitude scream' they get another warning..that if they do it again they will get a spanking. Follow with a couple swats when needed.

But we start with the stern 'no' talk. Always get their attention first. They cannot listen (*hear* you) if you do not have their attention. Get at their level. Have them look at you. Expect an answer when spoken to. Guide them in that as needed.

Repeat.

Repeat each and ever time. Be consistent. Never give in.

If going the 'naughty chair' route..set a time limit, expect that it be carried out. Do not give them attention while they are in time out. I guess you'll have to decide if you just want to set X time limit. If you expect them to be quiet the whole time. Or if you will allow them to scream or whatever...just not getting out of the chair until they are finished. Me...I would expect them to get their act in order. "you have x minutes in that chair. you need to change your attitude. if you scream, you get a spanking and MORE time. each time you scream, you get another spanking and the longer you will sit" that kind of thing.

I've never had such a thing go on for long. Thus far it's taken only a brief training period to nip such behavior. Just get after it, be consistent in your discipline.

HTH

Also, try talking very quietly to them or even whispering when they are screaming. They won't be able to hear you until they quiet down. For ds, he has to sit on the steps quietly with his hand under his bottom before I will call him to come appologize. You may want to try ignoring also, I do that with whining: "I can't hear you when you whine. When you stop whining I will listen to you."

Tara-thanks so much for the response... I was hoping you would since you have so much experience!!!

So, a 17 mo old can understand the concept of "stop crying or you'll get a spanking" or "If you keep screaming you're going to sit longer" (Don't think I'm stupid... I'm just new to this parenting thing.....:))

My dh and I are constantly amazed at how bright she is, how well she can talk, and how she remembers so much. So I guess I'm foolish to think that she can't comprehend discipline. She's actually probably smarter than I think and faking the whole "I don't get it" thing so I'll give in.

One more thing, when it comes to public/other people's houses.... do you implement the same discipline as at home??? I feel like so many people give me the 'she's just a baby' look when I discipline her in public.

When I go over to someone else's house I remove my kiddos from the room and take them somewhere private. I find it easier to resolve issues because when my kids throw fits and scream and cry they are looking for as much attention as they can get. If we go somewhere private I have taken their audience away.
When I'm at home I will put them in time out first before we go to spanking. I'll put them in time out and then make sure that I don't look at them. If it seems like I'm paying attention I have noticed that the tantrums last much longer. Both my girls seem to understand a lot more than they let so I always follow any form of discipline with a talk. Why they were disciplined and that I love them and that's why I discipline.

I think it's real important at this age to be in tune to why the behavior is happening. Toddlers cry a lot out of frustration because they have limited abilities to communicate their needs.
You need to give yourself credit for starting early with consistant discipline! With consistancy, you will be able to nip a lot of undesirable behaviors in the bud.

With toddlers, make sure the cries aren't attempts to communicate something (I'm tired, hungry, sick, or insecure). Try to be proactive to prevent bad behavior. (Don't attempt a major grocery run during nap time, or a major playdate while curring teeth etc)

Whatever your method, spanking, time out etc. Be consistant. when mine were little, I would put them in a playpen and leave the room if they had a tantrum. Never let the tantrum be a "success" and hopefully they will stop. If your little one throws a fit to go outside when it's time to play inside, and she gets her way, that reinforces the behavior.

Different methods work for different kiddos.
My two favorite discipline books are "Creative Discipline" by Lisa Whelchel, and Dare to Discipline by James Dobson! I highly suggest them.

Personally, with ones that little, if they're crying because they didn't get their way, I just ignore it. Even at 2-1/2, there are times when I tell Z "No" in a firm voice, or remove his hands from something, and he'll start to throw himself down and cry.....I just gently lower him to the floor and walk away. I've honestly found the less attention I give it the better- the sooner it stops. Mine are delayed talkers as well, and I feel like they need SOME way to express their frustration- as long as it's not hurting anybody, I just leave it be. Typically once they see Mama hasn't bought into the attention-grabbing behavior, they're up and playing momentarily.

The other ladies gave good advice too- it just depends on the individual situation. :-D

The other ladies gave more good advice.

As far as 'does she understand?' They're capable of understanding more than we often give credit for. She may not immediately understand fully what that means, but she certainly is not incapable of understanding. When she screams you say 'no screaming' that's making the connection. Then when you say you have to sit here because you were screaming, she will soon remember what 'screaming' is. She'll put it together very quickly. She can't ever learn it if you don't teach it though, right? Be consistent with your word choices as well as form of discipline. She'll figure it out. ;)

And when in public, I do as another mentioned...take them to another room to deal with the issue. That way I have their full attention and no unnecessary attention is being drawn to them. They would get the initial "no, no screaming" warning out there, but if it needs to go beyond that, they are removed.

Great questions and so glad you're working on this now. It really, really will pay off in the long run. You've gotten great advice so far. Each child is different, so feel free to experiement a little in the beginning but once something works consistency is the biggest key to whatever form of discipline you choose. Kids really do thrive on boundaries and predictability. It gives them a sense of safety and security. Keep in mind that kids learn to process language much more quickly than they express it. If your child can follow specific directions, ie come to mommy, get the book, etc. Then I'd venture it safe to say that she understands "no", "stop", "scream", etc. The idea of whispering to her when she's screaming is a great one. I've never tried it with a child that young but it works wonders with 2's, 3's, and 4's. That was my tried and true way to get a whole classroom of preschoolers to listen quickly. We have a real quiet tone at home here anyway we reserve loud voices for emergencies only and the kiddos follow suit (mostly). Also we model and practice little voices and big voices as soon as they are able to pray along.
Removing our children to discipline works better for us, even at home- but especially in public. We've done some spanking and some time-outs, different things were more effective with different kids. Again just be consistent. We ignore 'borderline' behavior such as whining sometimes. We've found with really littles it's helpful to train one issue at a time (such as hitting or screaming) and then move on to the next one. As they get older we also offer clear expectations for events ahead of time, such as what behavior is expected at the restaurant, party, grocery store,etc. We often share these reminders on the car ride over. But that won't be helpful for a little bit longer in your case.

Above all don't get discouraged. You are definitely doing the right thing by starting to enforce discipline now. Your child and you will be better off for it. It drives me bonkers that many have that whole 'he/she's just a baby' mentality. Some think poor behavior is somehow cute and stereotypical for a given age.

I think you might enjoy reading "Your One Year Old" by Ames. It is spot on for what a 12-24 month old is growing thru.. what they can & can't understand & what you can & can't expect from them...