I'm posting in here? Question about friends

[kassismom]

This is so weird. I should be posting over in the babies and toddlers section.....where has the time gone!?

DD started kindergarten 3 wks ago today. She hasn't made any friends. We had one incident with a little girl. Kassi asked could she play with her and the kid said "No way YOU can play with ME". Hmph. Glad I wasn't there to hear that :evil: Besides that, nobody has been mean to her. They just kind of ignore her. It hurts me, but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. I talked to the teacher and she was very gracious and willing to watch dd closely and keep me updated. She says that when they're at recess, dd usually says she's hot and asks to sit with her. She didn't think anything of it before (because it has been in the 90's for the last two weeks) but says it could be a cover-up. The teacher says she sees my daughter "around" the other kids, but not really playing with them much. She also complimented us on how well behaved, kind, and friendly dd is and said she's sure that Kassi is not the problem here (see me grinning LOL).

A lot of these kids I think were in pre-K together. There are 18 in her class. DD is fine playing by herself and has an awesome imagination- she acts like she could care less, but she also loves other kids her age....so this is kind of weird.

I try and encourage her and tell her that it doesn't matter because she has a BEST friend and that's more special than a hundred playmates. Her best friend unfortunately goes to a different school, and she's going through the same thing.

So far, dd loves school and gets excited about going.

Should I be concerned that she hasn't made friends yet?

[stephwhiz]

I wouldn't be too concerned at this point. Kids are funny and have different "best" friends each week. I would encourage her to just kind of go up and start playing with them and I think they will play with her too. I sub alot and have a kindergartener and see them playing outside all of the time. There are some "loners" but usually they just kind of all play together.

Stephanie :D

[danou]

When parents ask me about these issues- I often suggest some role playing. She is probably insecure about being rejected and needs to build some confidence in approaching others.

I would discuss the "incident" and ask her why she thought the other girl said what she did. Say something like: "I bet that hurt your feelings when she said that. or Sometimes it's hard to ask kids to play after someone has responded like that."
Explain that not all the kids are going to respond like her and that sometimes other kids are shy to ask as well (and insert lesson on grace, we all have bad days and say things we regret -in particular to that one girl). Get into some role play and pretend that you're a child in class. You may want to suggest that she ask and open ended question- ie: "What are we playing today?" That helps close the door to "No you can't play." Help your child take initiative to start a game- "Hey, let's play dress up- it'll be fun."

Another suggestion is to invite a child that she'd like to be friends with to play after school for an hour or two. Maybe it could be on the playground while visiting with other mom or something casual like that. This would help build some connection and confidence between your child and another.

Hope that wasn't too long winded. The jist is: give them words (tools) and practice scenarios (projects to develop skills). Many kids need specific teaching in social skills and as adults we seem to think that they get it all through osmosis. (oops that's another thread)

[kassismom]

She is probably insecure about being rejected and needs to build some confidence in approaching others.

She has never been insecure and never had a problem making friends wherever we go. She goes right up to children and introduces herself and asks them if they want to play. That may be the case with some children, but not with mine. So......I guess there's something else going on.

Another suggestion is to invite a child that she'd like to be friends with to play after school for an hour or two.

I would like to do that, but I don't know a single one of the parents. The staff there is very kind, but to be honest with you, the parents I've seen won't even speak or hardly look your way. They keep their nose held high in the air while they drive off in their SUV's ( :roll: ). Hopefully I can find one mom who will speak back when I say hello. I like the school, the education, and the staff......but I'm not sure if she'll be going back there next year.

Thank you for the suggestions!

[meg]

How's it going Amy? I've been praying for you and for Kassi :lol:

It can take some time for friendships to be sorted out. Our youngest son started school in Feb., and is still finding his feet with regards to friends. He's got lots of kids to play with at recess and lunch, and is quite happy, but he hasn't really "clicked" with anyone in particular yet.

Our eldest son was the same in kindy, and he's now in Yr 2 (oh good grief, where oh where are my babies?!). He's developed a really good set of close friends, and has lots of other kids he plays with during the day too. [highfive]

As long as Kassi is happy, I'd try to relax. I know, I know, it's easier said than done, and she's your baby :lol: Did you ever imagine that watching your children's friendships would be even harder than managing your own? :lol:

Praying for you both! [hug]

I wouldn't be concerned my daughter (Alyssa) went through almost the same thing when she was in kindergarden, don't get me wrong it was hard to see her have to deal with issues so early(she was being bullied at first by another class mate.)eventually we got things taken care of with the bully, and after a while she got to know everyone in the class and wasn't so shy anymore around her classmates. she ended up making some good freinds and had a good school year.
This year Alyssa is in first grade and her teacher just asked me if she has self esteem issues. I said no why do you ask? she said because Alyssa is really quiet and doesn't participate. this is only her third week of school. I had to explain to her teacher she is very shy, but trust me when she feels comfortable she will shine through. It sounds like our daughters have a lot of the same qualities (well behaved, friendly, kind).
I pray that everthing works out for your daughter and she has an enjoyable year. :D