Hi ladies. My 3 1/2 year-old son is showing disrespect towards us. We use time out, taking things away as well as spankings when necessary. Earlier this year we saw our pediatrician about his behavior. She suggested using a rewards system. She said to make a chart, give stickers when good behavior and reward w/ doing something special that he would want. Have any of you tried this? My husband and I are stressing out about this. Is this just his age? Three's have definitely been harder for us. Thanks!

We did the reward system but a little different. We took a small glass jar and some marbles. Good behavior, marbles went in the jar - bad behavior, marbles came out of the jar. Once the jar was full, we got to do something really fun...like the zoo or a movie or buy a dvd or game or something.

We've used charts and stickers as well, and they were okay but the jar worked best for us...

Praying for you!

I wanted to say on the flip side of things to maybe take a look at what he is eating. Does his behavior change after he eats a particular food, does it change before he eats?
I know there are times when food isn't always to blame for behavior but sometimes they can be linked!

I really like Jeanine's reward system idea, my ds is in special ed. and they use something similar in his classroom!

Hope this helps!

Hi ladies. My 3 1/2 year-old son is showing disrespect towards us. We use time out, taking things away as well as spankings when necessary. Earlier this year we saw our pediatrician about his behavior. She suggested using a rewards system. She said to make a chart, give stickers when good behavior and reward w/ doing something special that he would want. Have any of you tried this? My husband and I are stressing out about this. Is this just his age? Three's have definitely been harder for us. Thanks!
Could you describe how he's showing disrespect? That might help us come up with some more specific suggestions for you.

I have been working extensively with my two children on attitudes (their own as well as mine :)) I find my ds responds well when I tell him how his talk/behavior/disrespect makes me feel and encourage him to do the same. When he yells at me to do something for him for instance, I say something like "It hurts my feelings when you speak to me that way." He has been catching on in the past couple weeks and wuill sometimes correct himself before I say anything. In turn, when I have raised my voice out of anger, he will tell me that it affects him in a negative way. i'm trying also to have him and my daughter approach each other in this way. It would be helpful to knwo more specifically what types of disrespect you are experiencing. When my ds was quite a bit younger, I began to teach him what it means to have respect. i had found myself saying "you are going to respect me" or "You may not be disrespectful" but he didn't even know then what those things meant. I have frequent conversations with both my children about the importanc eof respect and regard for each other and other family/people. I have also introduced the idea of priority, in that I put my children on the top of my priority list. I give (or try to give) utmost regard to their needs, activities and feelings and expect that they do the same for me and each other. I have sung R-E-S-P-E-C-T more than once :) I have had issues of my own with anger/ineffective parenting, and found myself having to face the fact that to be respcted, I must be respectable. I am not suggesting that you are int he same category :) but that has been my experience. We also have a new saying "the first time" that came form an almost 4 yo in my son's class. My son and I were having a moment one day while I was workign in his class and this little guy piped in "my mom says I have to try to listen the first time." And one last thing, this is from wikipedia

Respect is taking into consideration the views and desires of others and encorporating it into your decicions. When you respect another, you factor in and weigh others' thoughts and desires into your planning and balance it into your decision making.

An example would be: respecting someone's opinion. You may or may not agree, but you place it into consideration, and it may ultimately influence your decision (even if partially).

Respect can also be applied to taking care of oneself or the environment. Respect adds general reliability to social interactions. It helps people get along with other people.

I hope you find the help and support you are looking for here.

Thanks ladies for the suggestions. He is just showing a bad attitude as well as a hateful tone of voice at times. I have thought about his diet irishmum. I will continue to check that out.

We did the reward system but a little different. We took a small glass jar and some marbles. Good behavior, marbles went in the jar - bad behavior, marbles came out of the jar. Once the jar was full, we got to do something really fun...like the zoo or a movie or buy a dvd or game or something.

We've used charts and stickers as well, and they were okay but the jar worked best for us...

Praying for you!


Ditto - we use the marble jar. They get to choose a reward themselves, so it's something they want to work towards. Because of his age, you could also try drawing a couple lines around the jar and as he hits each line, he can choose something (maybe pick a few treasures up at the dollar store or something). Then when the jar is completely full, he gets his big reward (some ideas: eat at McD's, go out for ice cream, take him to a movie, a picnic, something special. Doesn't have to cost a lot.)

Thanks ladies for the suggestions. He is just showing a bad attitude as well as a hateful tone of voice at times. I have thought about his diet irishmum. I will continue to check that out.

Well, for a disrespectful tone of voice, I've had the most success by stopping my son immediately, at the moment of the disrespectful tone, and calmly asking him to stop speaking, firmly but calmly told him he was speaking disrespectfully to me, and explained why it was disrespectful when he was younger( in case he didn't connect his tone with why it wasn't ok), and then I'd say something like: "You will not speak that way to me, please repeat what you said nicely."

My DH will also step in immediately if he hears them disrespecting me even before I can stop it myself, and tell them they're not to speak to me that way and make them try again.

I think part of the reason it works, is that we've always been consistent and never allowed any disrespectful talk from our kids, and we make them repeat what they said in a respectful way. That might not work when they're teenagers, LOL...but it certainly works when they're young, because the realize pretty quickly that we're not just going to sit back and let them speak disrespectfully, we interrupt them and make them do it over...which they don't like.

As far as bad attitude goes, honestly, we all have a bad attitude once in awhile, just like we all slip up and have a poor tone of voice once in a while. No, you can't just let it slide, but it helps to remember that even as adults, we do the same thing, even now. We work really hard on teaching our kids that its ok to be angry, but not ok to sin in the midst of being angry. (Be angry and sin not, basically) So if a bad attitude pops up, we work more on talking out how DS is feeling that he's acting out that way, explain how we feel the same way somtimes and discussing with him that its ok to be angry, but that its not ok to hurt others when you are angry.

If he's in a particularly bad mood, we'll give him the option of going to his room to cool down, or the option of sitting quietly with a toy on the couch, in an effort to help him learn to control his emotions and give him some space, while at the same time, not letting him continue to disrupt the household, if that makes sense...

We do the same as Mo2b1d. I also use "try again" when they ask in a snotty or rude way.

We do the same as Mo2b1d. I also use "try again" when they ask in a snotty or rude way.
We use "try again" for lots of things! It's awesome!

It's the absolute most effective thing to get a child who gets angry and throws toys to stop doing that, IMO. My 2 year old DS#2 will lose his temper and throw toys, and nothing stops him quicker than me NOT losing my temper, but physically moving him to the spot where the toys are and having him pick them up and put them back where they go. He hates it, but its gentle and very effective.