Well I just wrote the second email to everyone asking that only immediate family visit while I'm in hospital and that other family wait until we are home. And that non-family wait until the next week and that everyone phones and arranges visits first.
I hope they can understand...

I can't believe my due date is only 3 days away :shock:

WOW Renne, the clock is ticking! Have you lost your mucus plug? I guess that was a little personal wasn't it :lol: ...but I can't wait until your precious baby is born. Best of luck! Stephanie :D

Ha Renee... I just asked you if you were overdue in my PM.

Good on you for stating your rules too.

Since most of our rules relate to DH's side of the family, it's up to him to address them, particularly with the "DO NOT invite people to our house" and "We are not having a congregation over, or a big family gathering"

WOW Renne, the clock is ticking! Have you lost your mucus plug? I guess that was a little personal wasn't it :lol: ...but I can't wait until your precious baby is born. Best of luck! Stephanie :D

Hey I don't mind! No haven't lost the mucus plug. I didn't lose it last time until I was induced and my waters broke... I lost it at the same time. So it will be a new experience if I actually go into labour on my own this time... :shock:

Ha Renee... I just asked you if you were overdue in my PM.

Good on you for stating your rules too.

Since most of our rules relate to DH's side of the family, it's up to him to address them, particularly with the "DO NOT invite people to our house" and "We are not having a congregation over, or a big family gathering"

Well I hope he gets the message to them! I don't know how well Paul will do with this... I've written a list of names of people to phone and let know when Sophie arrives and at the bottom I've asked that he doesn't tell the whole world LOL and that anyone that isn't family is to wait until the second week to visit. I will explain it to him tonight. Wish me luck! LOL

So excited for you Renee! Definetly keep us posted on how things are going. :D

Will do :) I bought red raspberry leaf tea and black licorice last night. Starting tonight I'm going to shove myself full of the stuff and hopefully it will speed things up :wink:

Anyone actually used castor oil before? I've been told that it's dangerous to use it as it can make baby pass meconium into the amniotic fluid and then inhale/swallow it. But I do know a couple of women who have tried it and it never hurt and it did work.

Any day now, huh? God bless you and your family, you will be in my prayers.

Wow, your so close :) Pretty exciting!!

Thanks! :D

You are braver than I am. I have yet to declare the house and hospital off limits. Then, yesterday my MIL calls to inform me that she is leaving to come over as soon as we call and tell her Dainyah is born. That is after last week she said she could come out right away or wait for two weeks for when Peter is back at work and it was MY decision.

I am envious of not only your backbone, but that you are so close to having Sophie. I keep reminding myself that this can't last forever, right?

You are braver than I am.

I am envious of not only your backbone, but that you are so close to having Sophie. I keep reminding myself that this can't last forever, right?

Hey I don't know where it's come from :lol: I never used to be like this. I would just shut my mouth and smile and then stew over it later... KWIM? Or put up with things until I snapped. :oops: So this is all new for me LOL I think it's because I know what it's like now and I really want breastfeeding to work and I know that stress isn't good for that... so I am trying to limit the amount of stress in my life.

When are you due? No, it can't last forever! I'm sure your time will fly by and you'll have a baby in your arms soon! :D

I'm due Sept. 20th. Just 27 or so more days. I am praying she comes a little early. I don't think I can stand being pregnant much longer. Just six more days and if I happen to go into labor, they won't try and stop it.

Well, after the mess with my MIL yesterday, I would tell her no, but she would just come out anyway probably. Oh well. I can just snap and enjoy the entertainment that may bring. Or, maybe, I can convince my mother to come out when the baby comes. My MIL can't stand my mother. That could make for some entertainment too. Granted my mom drives me up the wall too, but to watch her and MIL trying to one-up the other one, and then them fleeing back home because they can't stand each other......bad, evil, twisted thinking I know.

I go to the midwife tomorrow. Peter can't go with me because he has class at that time, so I might ask her how to go about getting a no visitor thing set up or an approved visitor's list or have the nurses have to ask if I'm up for so and so to be in for while I'm in the hospital or something. Want to cover my back, just in case.

I'm due Sept. 20th. Just 27 or so more days. I am praying she comes a little early. I don't think I can stand being pregnant much longer. Just six more days and if I happen to go into labor, they won't try and stop it.

Well, after the mess with my MIL yesterday, I would tell her no, but she would just come out anyway probably. Oh well. I can just snap and enjoy the entertainment that may bring. Or, maybe, I can convince my mother to come out when the baby comes. My MIL can't stand my mother. That could make for some entertainment too. Granted my mom drives me up the wall too, but to watch her and MIL trying to one-up the other one, and then them fleeing back home because they can't stand each other......bad, evil, twisted thinking I know.

[rofl] :twisted: LOL

I go to the midwife tomorrow. Peter can't go with me because he has class at that time, so I might ask her how to go about getting a no visitor thing set up or an approved visitor's list or have the nurses have to ask if I'm up for so and so to be in for while I'm in the hospital or something. Want to cover my back, just in case.

I hope everything works out for you! Be strong and just tell people how you feel. If you aren't up for visitors just say no! If they can't understand then that's their problem not yours. :wink:

I'll try. I think I may be having a talk with Peter again tonight about it. I have decided that I am feeling threatened by his mom. She is a take charge sort of person who loves to tell her opinion and the way she thinks would be better. Whenever I mention how bad the heartburn is, or when I'm with her and Dainyah kicks me in a weird spot and it hurts and I comment on it, she is always so quick to remind that she had never felt better in her life than the two times she was pregnant. And I think to myself, and what were you on during that time? And if you felt so great during them, then why did you only have two (it wasn't medical issues that stopped her and late FIL. It was the risk of twins which run rampant on both sides of the family)

I guess maybe I need an appt. with my therapist (haven't been since June before I went out for MIL's surgery, just haven't been back since.....) and see if maybe I'm not nuts over this or something. And then, maybe he'll back me up and tell Peter too. I know that Peter would do anything the therapist would suggest would help me. Peter is always asking me if there is anything he can do to help me not feel so pregnant, feel more loved and stuff like that. I guess I can broach him from that angle.

Guess I am going to have to force my backbone to get a little more bone in it instead of cartiladge.

Oh, and I personally do not know of anyone who used castor oil. It is a laxative. I wouldn't try it. There are a ton of other things you can try though. Nipple stimulation, walking, walking and more walking (though, I know you are probably in a lot of pain by now), I've heard sex helps speed things up (not like you really want that one, I'm sure) But hey, if it might work, may as well try it. I do know someone who went out and push mowed an acre of land on her due date. She went into labor that night.

Crystal if all goes to plan with your dates we will be having our babies on the same week (I know I am definately having mine then).

Perhaps don't tell your MIL straight away once the baby is born?

I totally understand how you feel because my MIL is the same and will want to "take over". I am hoping DH's parents won't show up the day I have her like last time and I was vomiting after the caesarian so it was embarassing for me to have them in the room.

My parents are actually coming over to mind the twins while I have the section, so will see me the same day - which I guess may seem a little hypocritical to everyone but I want the twins to see their sister and so it's the only way of doing it.

I can understand how hard it can be to even bring the issues up with your DH! As it is one of his sisters is travelling to the city for her 30th next week and I do not want to see his family, nor do I want to have to go along to a family do at his other sisters house and spend my time coralling the twins away from them so they can enjoy themselves (too big and too tired for this sort of thing now).

I have made it clear to DH I don't want his sister visiting our home because it is largely unfinished and we have a bunch of stuff which needs to go to the dump and goodwill and I would rather not have his family walk in and see that we've torn the house apart etc. It's a bit embarassing, besides the fact I am not up to cleaning the house from top to bottom... the garden is full of weeds... you get the picture.

Most of all I just think in general I don't want MIL and one of the other sisters around being negative. DOn't need it at the moment.

Hope things work out for you Crystal!

we're going through similar issues with my parents... they live far enough away that when they come they will need to stay over night. DH and I want to have some just the three of us time during the first week. I am unsure as to how "enjoyable" their stay would be for any of us (considering hormones, lack of sleep etc.) if they came right after the birth. Time spent with my mother is not usually relaxing and enjoyable so with past behaviour as a solid predictor of future behaviour- I suspect that a short stay will be in order. So anyways, we are going to ask them not to come until DH goes back to work after birth (1 week). Not too sure how this is going to go down.

My in-laws liive in South Africa, so we won't have them on the door step either.

The other visitors will be friends from in-town and we can post a note on the door that if they stay longer than xx min they have to vacuum, dust or clean a bathroom. They'll all be bringing food and all that anyways- those ones can stay longer. :)

Danou - I think I asked you yesterday how far you were and I didn't notice it was on your avatar LOL - hey girl, we are a week apart!

Both sets of our parents live an hour and a half from us but in opposite directions, so it's not impossible for them to go back home -

It's a shame Danou that you don't have friends your family could bunk in with under the pretext of you have a NB you don't need sleep overs as well :wink: ??

My friend in the US wanted to come and stay a few weeks after the baby was born and it would have been so lovely to have her and her husband just under different circumstances. In the end I had to tell her no.

I was going to talk to Peter last night again, but it didn't work out. Maybe later today. He's in class now and I need to get ready to go and get the group b swab.

I did call my mother last night and she said they planned on waiting a few weeks because she knows we need bonding time. And that came out of MY mother. I about peed my pants. I normally have to tell her how things are going to be. She was trying to get me to say that we would be out the end of October, but since Peter will have no time off, and school we won't be able to. I think she was trying to get out of coming over here. Oh well. I am not taking a month old on an eight hour car trip that time of year.

I am plotting ways to keep my MIL away. I have considered quarantine signs, running away, tons of stuff. None of it too good to do. Oh well, if she comes, I will just throw a fit. I know myself well enough right now to know that I DO NOT need visitors right away. Her excuse is that she's coming out to "help" and see Dainyah. As if I'm letting my baby out of my sight for any length of time in the near future when she's born!

Gotta get going now.

Crystal

Awwwwww, sweetie, I'm soooo excited for you! I hope I remember the next time around to state my rules before it actually happens! :roll:

Praying that Sophie arrives soon!!! :P

Love Ya' hun! :wink:

I was going to talk to Peter last night again, but it didn't work out. Maybe later today. He's in class now and I need to get ready to go and get the group b swab.

I did call my mother last night and she said they planned on waiting a few weeks because she knows we need bonding time. And that came out of MY mother. I about peed my pants. I normally have to tell her how things are going to be. She was trying to get me to say that we would be out the end of October, but since Peter will have no time off, and school we won't be able to. I think she was trying to get out of coming over here. Oh well. I am not taking a month old on an eight hour car trip that time of year.

I am plotting ways to keep my MIL away. I have considered quarantine signs, running away, tons of stuff. None of it too good to do. Oh well, if she comes, I will just throw a fit. I know myself well enough right now to know that I DO NOT need visitors right away. Her excuse is that she's coming out to "help" and see Dainyah. As if I'm letting my baby out of my sight for any length of time in the near future when she's born!

Gotta get going now.

Crystal

Yeah I felt the same way for a few months about Abby. I was so protective of her LOL She didn't get babysat by anyone until she was about 5 months old I think... And we both agreed from day one that MIL would not be babysitting ever.

Awwwwww, sweetie, I'm soooo excited for you! I hope I remember the next time around to state my rules before it actually happens! :roll:

Praying that Sophie arrives soon!!! :P

Love Ya' hun! :wink:

Thanks! :) Hey I was the same the first time... I had no idea what it was going to be like. I thought I'd be all happy and want to see everyone and show off the baby KWIM? But all I wanted was to be left alone and to rest. Now I know what it's really like to have a new baby ( :roll: ) I know what I need.

Crystal Hope you do get the talk in soon so you can have that added weight off your mind. Totally know where you are coming from on that one.

Jamie - the rule setting is great, I only wish we had've known about it first time around :shock:

After I had a HUGE crying fit last night, and Peter and I talked then and I spilled everything, and I mean everything (the feeling bulldozed about the choice of bedding, feeling like she is trying to control us, the constant reminders of how great her pregnancies always were, the way she keeps changing plans on coming out, all of it) he told me that he would call his mom this weekend and talk to her. He asked me about it again this morning (when I wasn't hysterical) and double checked that it wasn't just the crazy hormones of last night that made me like that and want that. He said he would call and talk to her this weekend. I think he is scared to. He mentioned that even if we said we didn't want her out, she would be here anyway. And I can so see her doing that......I did tell him exactly what I think I want. Like, she has to obey ward visitng hours. If I decide I want alone time, she's gone. She is only to be here one day or a day and a half, I do not want her staying in our house (she would clean it and then put things away where they don't belong. Last time she was here, she did dishes, it took me weeks to find everything) I told Peter that we will need the bonding time with Dainyah without any interference. That we need to get established as parents first. I am not sure he is totally agreeing with me, or what, but he is at least doing what I wish. At least she won't be in the delivery room with me. I did tell Peter that with how she keeps changing her mind about everything, I am just waiting for her to call and tell me she's on her way out to stay until after she's born in a week (she has a post-op visit next week that she has to go to for her back). The thought of that terrifies me to no end.

Peter did tell me to tell her to back off if I needed to. And that if he needed to, he will tell her to go home, to stop trying to take over and we are Dainyah's parents and to let us parent her. I was like, yeah, your mom will love that. She's a strong willed person. And he said he was strong willed too (he is) and I am learning to stand up for myself too and have shown that I can be strong willed. I told him I had done enough recently out of my old self, and I needed a break....

I need to get going. Talk to you later.

Is your hubby helpful and forceful enough with MIL to keep her away for a minimal time?

Sigh- I wish I had a family that I got excited about the thought of their presence.

Peter will stand up to her if he has to. Neither of us want that, but if we have to, we will.

I just want a happy medium between her and my mother. There must be a balance between the two! ARGH. It is amazing how different two families can be.

I do normally like my MIL. I lived with her for a year before we got married. At that point, it was the best year of my life. I just wonder how much of it is her medication, my hormones and all that. Guess we'll find out after my hormones level off after having Dainyah.

She hasn't called since Wednesday. Part of me is glad, the other part is just waiting for the phone to ring with her on the other end with some peice of news or information for me.

Time to go and start supper.

Well I'm glad you talked to hubby and that he said he would phone her.

My hubby will tell FIL something but he just doesn't listen KWIM? Like it's a total waste of time telling him what we want because he'll just do as he pleases. Lets see him ignore my wishes this time and fight with the staff at the hospital to see me. :P
I just have to tell my mum that if she comes to visit do NOT bring FIL with her. She did it last time and I was really annoyed. :x

Crystal, I am so glad that you got to vent to DH!
Even without all the hassle with MIL's it can sometimes ease it by knowing you and DH are on the same page or that he at least understands/supports you.

The way you described your MIL hounding you over petty stuff sounded mirror imaged to mine so I 100% know where you are coming from and the distress you feel, even down to the if you tell her not to come she still will.

It can be so hard to get the point across when they simply won't listen, but in the end if DH or you back down from her she will only think she has "won" and keep doing it. Sometimes it seriously feels like blocking punches and it can be the hardest thing when you have had someone in the past as the centrepoint of your life (such as a Mum who raised you)
and the dynamics change and it can be hard to learn to stand up to them and for the dynamics to switch to the way God intended it if that makes sense.

Anyway, I will pray for you because we have noticed ourselves lately since we have REALLY taken a stand in the word and by really commiting ourselves extra much to the Lord, the phone calls from the MIL have stopped (fingers crossed that won't change) they also only briefly visit us.
The times she has come around she has made negative remarks BUT
as she's not hanging around for hours on end like she used to she hasn't been able to follow me around the house nit picking.

You can always pray together too that the Lord will change a circumstance if you think talking to her won't help???

The Lord can work where we can't :wink:

I bet yours feels the difference the moment she walks in your house anymore. I think my own mom can tell that something is different recently. I haven't seen her since the begining of May when we went out to get my dog, but recently, she's actually been decent on the phone. The other night when she said that she thought Peter and I needed bonding time after Dainyah is born shocked me horribly. Then, when she said they would stay in a hotel, I about wet myself. My MIL is totally different these days. She's not the woman I knew and it bothers me. I know that her mom was similar to the way she is being right now and I think she is modeling what she knows. Now, my SIL probably wouldn't mind having her come out when she and her husband finally decide to try having a baby. Me on the other hand, am not S, nor MIL and I am a totally different person. I think that is where most of the friction is coming from right now. And who knows with the medications she's on.

I got the dogs bathed after supper. Now to transfer that load of laundry to the dryer, get the tub cleaning stuff and tackle that project. I didn't think I could end up this exhausted from wrestling with two dogs in the bath tub (seperately, of course). Gotta skedaddle and do some chores.

Crystal - do you mean MIL has changed since you have become pregnant?

We think MIL is acting out how her Mum acts but it doesn't mean we have to let her do it. The difference between grandma in law and MIL is grandma is also very warm and loving tempered with her "silly" comments, so she's easier to brush off, where as MIL is mean.

DH thinks they are jealous of us because his parents always pegged him as a failure and their prophecy is what has failed not us!

We had to kindly tell Mum last time we didn't want her waiting at the hospital for me to have the twins because we wanted us time and she was hurt but they were our babies and DH called her shortly after they were born to come in.

SO you are lucky your Mum has made that conclusion for herself instead of you having to insitage it.

My sister was actually angry because we left her alone for 4 hrs after she had her son she wanted everyone there right away LOL LOL. We went in and she said "OH! It's about time, where have you been???" LOL so much for trying to do the right thing.

If your sis wanted visitors that soon, she should have made her wishes known. Some people thrive on having a waiting room filled with people just anxious to come in and see. Me, no. I hate being the center of attention for any reason, and well, the thought of people sitting around waiting on ME to give birth drives me nuts. As if I can make it go faster or something.

I'm not sure if my MIL has changed since I got pregnant. I think some of it started with the miscarriage. She thinks that if I had gone to the dr. sooner after figuring out I was pregnant, I wouldn't have lost her first grandbaby. I couldn't get off work for the first appt I had scheduled, even though I begged. I had to move it back a week, and it was over that weekend that it happened. She was kind of upset we got pregnant so soon after we were married, but she sure was excited over a grandbaby. Then, when I got pregnant again and I knew I had health insurance starting (we didn't tell her as we figured it wasn't her business anyway), she started calling around and filling out insurance apps online for me! Then, I got all these phone calls from insurance people due to MY inquiry! I was a little peeved over that one. Ok, not a little, a lot. It got annoying. Then, since I knew I would be covered with the stuff I was getting, I just started answering the phone (after we figured out who was giving them my info. She used her email address and one of the reps when I asked where they got the info to call me from, asked if it was mine, and I said, nope, that's my MIL's), let them identify themselves and why they were calling, then I would say, I didn't visit your site or request information from you. I bet it was my MIL who did it for me. Then, they would start to gush over what a great MIL she was, and then I would say, she is doing it because I am pregnant. Well, that got them off the phone fast. No way they would cover a pre-exisiting pregnancy (not mandated to in this state). After dealing with these calls for two weeks, it stopped. She called in the middle of this and asked about the insurance, and I told her that no one would cover it because I was pregnant and it was pre-existing. That took a lot of convincing. Then, I told her we were getting insurance through my job and she insisted on paying for it (good thing she did too, it cost more than the quote was and my entire check at the first of the month went towards it).

Part of me wonders if she blames me for losing her first grandchild in some way. Yet, before we were married, she was giving me the birds and the bees talk (talk about awkward) and told me that if a miscarriage happens, it happens, it isn't my fault. She never had to go through it, but her mom did.

I think that is when it all started. But then, I'm not totally sure. She has also had her medications switched around a lot recently and that can alter her personality a little. Ok, sometimes a lot. Peter thinks that since her back surgery, she is starting to feel better than she has in a long time. Aparently she used to be this take-charge before the fibro got bad. She also was married to man who ended up mentally disabled and had cancer twice, and had to move both her parents in with them at the same time to care for them too, along with raising two kids. Then, in the course of about three and a half years, she watched her mom die in the living room from a heart attack, her husband die from a sudden severe onset of leukemia and her father die the day they bring him home from the hospital under hospice and one of her brothers died (this was all while my husband was in high school). She has been through a lot. And I know that can affect someone. Then, my due date is her late husband's birthday. Peter said she isn't setting too well on that. He doesn't care if Dainyah is born on her due date or not, MIL wants her to come on another day. I just don't want her on the 25th. That is Avery's day (the one who is in heaven).

So, yeah, life sure has been fun around here. I know Peter hasn't worked up the courage to call her yet. I hope he does tomorrow. If he doesn't, it will wait until one of his days off work. That won't be until Tuesday and Wednesday. But he said he would do it, so I know he will.

Well, it is looking like it is going to storm here. I should be getting off the computer then.

It's awful that she's made you feel blamed for the miscarriage - that is truly off and ignorant, no wonder you feel the way you do about her, medication or no medication. Of course that could make you feel she is only coming around to "check up" on you with the baby rather than be "helpful"

I do certainly believe we have to forgive our MIL's but I don't believe that forgiveness and doormat are the same thing, nor do I believe that we don't set up boundaries against "out of line" behaviour.

MIL mentioned to FIL today about "we'll have to come and stay when the baby is born".. FIL didn't respond, and I will have to make a way to ensure this doesn't happen with DH because she thinks that is what is going to happen.

We will have to reiterate no sleep overs because the PIL stayed here last night and I was quite annoyed about it. I was in so much pain from being 36w and having to scrub the house from top to bottom I was almost in tears.

MIL didn't make any of her usual insulting remarks to me over the stay and that is because I had a few CM's and my sister praying for me, but it didn't stop her from chewing out DH over one of her typical accusations

DH was very annoyed, so I am hoping that will suffice as a warning for him to put his foot down.

As far as I am concerned she can stay at my SIL 40 mins away.

Some women have entourages in the delivery room and I could never do that. I don't want anyone there other than dh. To me, it's bad enough as it is and undignified. Not that giving birth is shameful or anything, but in the hospitals, well it's not that great. Not here anyway.

Here, in the labour and delivery suites, you can say who you do and don't want in there and the nurses keep them out. When I was having my youngest, my mother called everyone she knew to tell them I was in labour :roll: and my cousin who lives in the same city as me came to see how I was doing! The nurse stopped them, asked who they had come to see, came to tell my dh and he went out to see them. But we could have specified that we wanted no one and then they wouldn't have even told us they had come.

Then they keep you in the labour and delivery suite for a few hours and you aren't moved, so no one can come see you. When they move you to the maternity ward, then people have more freedom.

I am always careful about going to see new moms because they might be bf and tired, and stuff. I love having people come aftewards, even in the hospital. But not until I'm cleaned up kwim? :wink:

My rule of thumb is to tell no one that I'm in labour. It didn't work this last time bc my mom called to see how I was doing (they were going away) and what could I say? Then I had to tell my mil too. But I am blessed to have wonderful relationships with both my mil and my mom. They have never overstepped themselves and I'm comfortable around both of them. NOT that either would ever be allowed in the delivery room!

Tell the nurses what you want and tell dh and worry about hurt feelings later. It's pretty selfish on their parts not to respect you. Giving birth isn't a walk in the park and if they can't understand that, then don't worry about it. But I hope all you ladies have a good birth and that you enjoy your new little ones. I'm almost jealous!

It's awful that she's made you feel blamed for the miscarriage - that is truly off and ignorant, no wonder you feel the way you do about her, medication or no medication. Of course that could make you feel she is only coming around to "check up" on you with the baby rather than be "helpful"

I do certainly believe we have to forgive our MIL's but I don't believe that forgiveness and doormat are the same thing, nor do I believe that we don't set up boundaries against "out of line" behaviour.

MIL mentioned to FIL today about "we'll have to come and stay when the baby is born".. FIL didn't respond, and I will have to make a way to ensure this doesn't happen with DH because she thinks that is what is going to happen.

We will have to reiterate no sleep overs because the PIL stayed here last night and I was quite annoyed about it. I was in so much pain from being 36w and having to scrub the house from top to bottom I was almost in tears.

MIL didn't make any of her usual insulting remarks to me over the stay and that is because I had a few CM's and my sister praying for me, but it didn't stop her from chewing out DH over one of her typical accusations

DH was very annoyed, so I am hoping that will suffice as a warning for him to put his foot down.

As far as I am concerned she can stay at my SIL 40 mins away.

I'm sorry you had to have the PIL over. I'm glad your MIL didn't say anything to you.
I hope your DH will say something to her and that she won't be staying with you after Matilda is born. I think I'd go crazy...

I am always careful about going to see new moms because they might be bf and tired, and stuff. I love having people come aftewards, even in the hospital. But not until I'm cleaned up kwim? :wink:


Yeah that's my main reason for not wanting many visitors in hospital and I'm hoping that the midwives will put a sign on the door asking people to knock first incase I'm breastfeeding. I don't want just anyone walking in...