I have a question for the "die hard" breastfeeding moms. This is not intended to be a debate at all. Since I couldn't find a specific bf forum - I'm asking it here.
How do you feel when you hear a soon to be mom say they're not going to bf? They're not even going to try to bf?
What do you think when you hear that?

honest answer: first I think "Aw, how sad." Then I think, "I wonder why?" Some have a good reason...some don't.

If she doesn't have a reason "why" I might refer her to our articles and breast feeding YouTube videos (some proof women who have seen breast feeding are more likely to do it themselves). Or I might give her my copy of Spilled Milk, which is a decent book. Would just pass on a little honey. But I wouldn't tear her apart for it... swatting bees only makes them madder. And it isn't a life or death matter in the least bit. She'd have my love, even if she never came up with a good reason.

Well, it's their choice of course, but, I might tell them a little bit about it to make sure they know of the benefits, how it has helped me lose weight after both pregnancies and how healthy it is for them, and how easy it is to just pop out a boob in comparison to sterilizing bottles and boiling water everyday! I wouldn't want them to make that choice out of ignorance and regret it later. But if they've done their research and still decided not to, that's their business not mine.

Although I do feel awfully for those moms who have to work or whatever and can't stay home to breastfeed their babies. I feel so blessed to be able to be a SAHM so I can bf my babies and cuddle them all day!

I nursed my children for almost 8.5 solid years...so I totally support it.

BUT, it truly is a personal decision. Giving birth and having a newborn is hard enough without additional critism heaped on top of it. I am encouraging and usually want to know why someone isn't, but leave it alone unless they ask specifically for my opinion.

My sister tried and never did get her milk in either time :( I found her crying in the bathroom when I was up there helping for a week or so after the birth of her second. When I asked if she was okay, she proceeded to tell me how she felt like a failure because she couldn't nurse and how she felt like she let me down - wasn't as good of a mom as me. That broke my heart. I have always kept silent about bfing with her because it was tramatic for her with her first. But she knew how I felt about it. Goodness, as a mom of a toddler and newborn she had enough to worry about. I think when we are passionate about things, we need to keep a healthy balance for the sake of those around us.

It does break my heart because I fully understand the joys and benefits from bfing and I really want to help all the moms I can in making the right decision. But if someone really doesn't want to, I don't share my disappointment or critism.
Besides, you can catch more flies with honey ;)

Well I also think "how sad" & I agree it's totally about education & understanding. I have also given out articles & books to mom's that are at the "not sure" stage & have questions. But I find it difficult with those who've already made up their minds not to even go there. I don't usually say anything either, unless they're willing to at least talk about their misgivings.
I guess I have a hard time when we know breastmilk is superior, this is what God made breasts for and yet we choose the inferior stuff purposefully. I've been thru blood ,sweat, & tears (literally:-)) to breastfeed , so I it's saddening when I hear of mom's giving up *before* they even start.
Breastfeeding is hard & I fully believe it takes a village of support for a mother to be successful - support that is slowly becomming more available, but not anywhere near where it should be. I do hope breastfeeding becomes more and more prevelant and we can continue to educate our society about it - then maybe people will come around?

I guess the bottom line is when you know better, you do better?

JeanineAnne - I was totally your sister with my first. I sobbed & sobbed when I had bf problems. But here's the difference - there's those that don't want to period, and don't even try......your sister desired to bf, tried her hardest, and most likely thru not having enough medical support & possibly being one of the 3% that can't produce milk - she wasn't able to bf.
I cringe when I hear people say they want their freedom & not to be tied down to a baby all the time as a reason for not breastfeeding.

I cringe when I hear people say they want their freedom & not to be tied down to a baby all the time as a reason for not breastfeeding.

I do as well, but it honestly is a personal decision. And yes, some women cannot nurse their children. With my sister's second child she got nothing in, despite constant pumping.

I guess the bottom line is when you know better, you do better?
Sometimes it isn't about education or medical help or what not. Formula is not from the devil. I honestly believe formula is there for babies who otherwise would have died without the nutrients (my niece and nephew for instance). While I agree that it was God's plan to nurse our children, I still maintain we need to be careful about our passions. When I hear someone say they don't want to be tied down, my concern isn't so much because they won't be nursing, but rather I feel that it is a deeper heart issue with bigger ramifications than just nursing. I would rather at that time make the decision to be a positive support person with the hopes of speaking truth into their life than a critic they won't hear at all.

I'm still nursing my 19 month old, so definitely a big breastfeeding advocate here and try to encourage it wherever possible. It is truly the mom's choice as to how to feed her baby, and I believe that it would be rude to say something critical to her, as I wouldn't want someone to criticize my choice not to give bottles ever or to nurse well past a year. However, I do feel that sometimes decisions are made without all the information on both sides and if someone engaged me in conversation, I would try to share information with them in a non-judgmental way if I felt that they were open to learning more. I liked Rachel's comment about catching flies with honey instead of vinegar.

I guess though, that one can't really understand another person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Since I've haven't had a severely difficult time with breastfeeding, it's hard to put myself in that place. I imagine that many moms who decide not to breastfeed probably have had really traumatic past experiences with breastfeeding, though, and that would be a definite factor towards not wanting to.

I usually wonder why. If I feel comfortable I'll ask. It is a personal choice, and though I think breast is best it's not for everyone and therefore I don't press them about it. After all it's not my child.

I always wonder why, and wonder if they just don't have the knowledge to make the decision. Some women don't simply because their mothers or friends didn't. That bothers me.
Some have medical issues, or like previously posted, other 'heart' issues going on. Some mamas have multiples and it's just too physically taxing. I know there are plenty of great reasons to breastfeed. I bf'd all 3 boys, never bought formula. I also know that there are great reasons to use formula (for some women).
I never try to debate or be too pushy about parenting choices. I think that it's a very sensitive area. If I had known then what I knew now, I would have done some things exactly the same, and I would have done some things differently. so knowledge, yes, I liked finding out about different options and I do like to explain what I do or what my friends do, to people who are seeking, exploring the options.

I feel sad for the baby! And I guess it's judgemental, but I feel a little frustrated at the mom for not taking the time to give her baby the best nutrition. The government pays thousands for formula through WIC to women who won't breastfeed their children. That really frustrates me.

I think..."Oh, I wish they would at least try it for six weeks." That is when it became easier for me.
Plus, I lost the 30 lbs I gained within four weeks (not even trying). And it is so easy to not have to even sit up to feed in the middle of the night! Yeah!

Hi All,

I was interest in your answers and was reading. I never wanted to breast feed. I had an awful mom and the thought of it just grossed me out, I was also molseted by my father so I think that all played into just not being comfortable with it. With number 3 I felt guilty and had DH stop on the way home from work (his 1st day back) and buy a small pump. I pumped several times a day and ended up with enough for one bottle she had before bed each night. She liked it but it was hard for me as #2 wanted to watch me pump every time. I guess that freaked me out too! Any way I didn't do it with #4, very busy homeschooling and watching a baby and preschooler. I am surrounded with moms who are very passionate about BF and I wondered how they felt about me not BF. Most don't know my history but were very kind anyway.

Personally, it doesn't bother me at all. If someone decides not to breastfeed, I don't automactically think she is a "bad" or "selfish" mother. I think that BF is good and I have BF all 3 of mine, but only to 8 mo., 4 mo., and 6 mo. I lost my milk about those times and switched to formula. I saw no difference in the kids health between the BF and bottles. I think how a mom feeds her baby is one of the least important things. That baby isn't going to know if it was BF. It IS going to know if its mommy loved it, held it while it ate, sang songs, cuddled it, played with it, nutured it, made it someone extremely valuable. Even if you BF and left those things out, you still wouldn't have a happy baby. Sometimes I think that BF is used as a "scale" of how good a mother you are or how "spiritual" you are. Like I said, I think BF is fine, but I didn't LOVE it. It was more something I did because I thought it was best for them. And I didn't feel guilty when I switched to formula. I thoght that I could either put a ton of energy into the BF or I could put that energy into my baby, but because of my milk drying up I didn't feel I could do both and still be a good mom. So to those of you who BF, GREAT!!!! But if you choose not to as a mom, don't feel that you are a "bad" mom. Your baby is going to remember how you treated it a lot more than if you BF it.:-D

I wouldn't say that I am "die hard" about bf, but after we got the kinks worked out, I loved it and as hard as it was I would do it again in a heart beat!

I feel sad when other women won't even consider trying it and not always, but often it is for very selfish reasons.

I knew one girl who thought it was just gross and icky and one girl who had waited long enough to have another beer, she wouldn't wait any longer.

They do say breast milk is best, not to say that babies don't get plenty of nutrition from formula, but they have said, there is something to breast milk that has not ever been able to be artificially formulated.

My sister in laws little sister had a baby a few weeks early and she was having to stay in the hospital, and they told her at the hospital that they wanted her to breast feed because that would be better than anything they could do for her baby and it would help her come home sooner. So she had to pump and take it to the hospital for them to have when she wasn't around.

[clapping] They have decided what is best for THEIR family! WE chose the other route to ebf. AS Mommas we need to be supportive of each other instead of sitting on judgement of another Momma's decision for HER family.:-D

Webster5....I couldn't have said it better! I have been biting my tongue watching this post and upset by some of the comments here....thanks for posting appropriate words of support for the end of the judging....it is NOT anyone's place to judge what is best for anyone except themselves.....there are MANY avenues that must be explored in making this personal decision and even what seem like "petty/selfish" issues for some would make the mother so uncomofrtable or unhappy about it, that it would not be a bonding or pleasant experience for either the mother or the child....that was the case for us...I always thanked God for the inability to produce milk secretly because it gave me a "good excuse" for everyone making nasty comments or throwing their "best judgements" at me for not breastfeeding...but even if I could have, I wouldn't have because I simply HATED it and felt so uncomfortable with it and wanted the convenience to feed my child with my other family members and have help or be able to do it on the run (which we are all the time!) when I needed to easier...
Many of you talk of how bonding it is, but the bottle was so bonding for us too...we all were able to stroke my children's cheeks, sing, love on them and bond...where as when I was doing my two week breastfeeding trial each time, I sobbed through each feeding and loathed every second and couldn't wait to be done, not for pain, but simply because "it made me feel icky!"...
I am NOT looking to debate, and I wanted to PM people to keep this thread from being off trail from what the original poster wanted, but SO many people have posted threads that to me encourage "sadness and judgmentalism" towards women who would choose not to breastfeed for so many reasons (many of which you have NO idea about and they would never verbalize to you!) and I don't think that this continued judging is healthy for the people afraid of it and for those of you doing it....what is best for each family is best for the child and Mom....that is the BEST route that they can choose, and it is different for all of us for many spoken and unspoken reasons...we need to support each other as Moms and Christians fighting the daily onslaught of negativity in our world...our choice for breast vs. bottle included.
Hugs all around gals, loving each one of you, truly not trying to "hijack the thread or be argumentative!!...just pleading for you to understand how simple comments made to expecting Moms or new Moms who are thinking they won't breastfeed tears them up (I know from experience) and makes them feel like failures much of the time even if they believe they are making the best choice for them with not breastfeeding...even the "simple" advice and "looks of --oh, how sad you're choosing that route for your baby" that are given can last on one's soul.....

updated in response to your last post on page 3....Kalihi76 sweetie, that's just it-- you shouldn't feel "sorrow or guilt" for not breastfeeding for yourself or for others you speak to if bottle feeding is better for you and your child in the overall picture! That attitude is what creates such hostility on both sides when this "guilt" is pressed on others for making VERY "EDUCATED" choices to breastfeed or to NOT breastfeed.....

Breezy...you are awesome. I mean, it is sometimes hard for me to hold my tongue, but you did an amazing job of doing just that and then replying only when you felt you should. I think your words spoke volumes and I applaud you for it. I was willing and very able to BF both my boys and I love it, but I know it is not for everyone.

Sorry to hijck...but I really felt I needed to publicly praise you instead of a PM. [clapping]

As a breast-feeder/formula feeder, I guess I could not be called a "committed" breast feeder, but I really do appreciate the benefits of breastfeeding. However, I really agree with what Jen said about so many other things being more important to your child than the decision of breast vs. bottle. There are many things that I see other parents do that sadden me much more than watching them feed their baby a bottle.

I understand this post had the potential to cause big feelings on both sides... that's why I addressed it to breastfeeding mom's. I know the guilt & sorrow of not breastfeeding. I pumped breastmilk & supplemented with formula for my first child. Of course he's still very attached to me & there were other ways we bonded. NOT breastfeeding doesn't make you a bad mother.
But I cannot for one minute state that bottlefeeding is just as good - b/c it's not. It's not a judgmental statement, it's a factual statement. Like I said before - it's hard for the majority of mom's to be successful at it when you don't have the right support. I think it's all about support & education. But what bothers me is when we don't look at the research, the issues, and when we don't seek out good support b/c we just don't want to bf....
Breastmilk is liquid gold, I can squirt it in my children's nose when they are getting sick & it clears up their sinuses, I can squirt some in their ear when they have an ear ache/infection & it heals them.... it gives them the best possible chance to reach their full brain potential. Why wouldn't I go thru blood , sweat & tears to give this to my child?

ah, alas, I realize I'm adding to the debate I didn't want to get in to...
I really just wanted to hear from bf mom's about how their feelings. I wanted to see if "anybody out there" thinks it's crazy to not want to at least try to give your child "liquid gold" :-)

about the bonding - and trust me I'm not picking on anything or anyone! I just wonder if anyone knows more about this.

I heard that there's a hormone called prolactin that is produced when you are breastfeeding that 'scientifically' (for lack of a better word) encourages bonding between mom and baby.
There's also a hormone released when the baby nurses which makes you sleepy. Hmm, I loved that one! LOL. Sorry, can't clean the house right now, must take hormone induced nap. bwahahahahaha

about the bonding - and trust me I'm not picking on anything or anyone! I just wonder if anyone knows more about this.

I heard that there's a hormone called prolactin that is produced when you are breastfeeding that 'scientifically' (for lack of a better word) encourages bonding between mom and baby.
There's also a hormone released when the baby nurses which makes you sleepy. Hmm, I loved that one! LOL. Sorry, can't clean the house right now, must take hormone induced nap. bwahahahahaha

Oh, yes, Rach, I LOVE those hormone induced naps. LOL. :D

I have a question for the "die hard" breastfeeding moms. This is not intended to be a debate at all. Since I couldn't find a specific bf forum - I'm asking it here.
How do you feel when you hear a soon to be mom say they're not going to bf? They're not even going to try to bf?
What do you think when you hear that?

Well, since this could be considered kind of a hot topic with the possiblity of people feeling judged, it has a tendency to lend itself to debate. You asked how we feel and what we think when we hear a mom saying they're not going to try to bf. This becomes sort of a Catch-22. Women who decide not to bf (for whatever reason) can be portrayed in a negative light while, on the other hand, women who decide to bf can be viewed as judgmental.

Personally, I bf'ed all five of our kids. Yes, I consider bf'ing the best. However, I really have to admit, it was relatively problem free for me. My husband was for it and nearly every mom I knew bf'ed. Frankly, though, if I had to go through "blood, sweat and tears"; I just wouldn't have done it. :???:

Does it really matter how we think or feel about someone else's choices (not discussing sin here)? There will always be choices we make in life that will be up for debate. What about home schooling? What about natural foods? What about birth control? If we always look for validation in our choices, we will come up disappointed. The Lord grants us certain freedoms (again, not talking about sin) and I would think He wants us to grant them to others. It's an ongoing process, I think, learning to let people be free and to be free ourselves (to walk before the Lord). Takes a lifetime. :-D

Does it really matter how we think or feel about someone else's choices (not discussing sin here)? There will always be choices we make in life that will be up for debate. What about home schooling? What about natural foods? What about birth control? If we always look for validation in our choices, we will come up disappointed. The Lord grants us certain freedoms (again, not talking about sin) and I would think He wants us to grant them to others. It's an ongoing process, I think, learning to let people be free and to be free ourselves (to walk before the Lord). Takes a lifetime. :-D

[OK][OK] It is not a sin to not breastfeed your child.

For me, I know it would be wrong for ME to not breastfeed my own children, but that's my own conviction that it's something I need to do. I have learned alot through breastfeeding my kids. God has taught me alot through it.

In my heart, I feel that because God designed our bodies to do this, and because it is much healthier than any other alternative, that breastfeeding is definitely the best option. However, It's not my place to choose whether someone else does or doesn't breastfeed their child. It's not a matter of malnutrition in our country. There are nutritious alternatives to breastfeeding.

I also don't know what's going on in the lives and minds of anyone other than myself. I also don't know how they were raised, or what kind of home lives they have. There are so many reasons that might make breastfeeding uncomfortable, difficult, or even impossible for a woman that have nothing to do with their physical ability to produce breastmilk.

Even one of the PP's mentioned that she felt "icky" the whole time she breastfed her children. Who am I to say she should ignore that feeling? I don't know her, I don't know what leads her to have that feeling, but I do know that for her, breastfeeding didn't feel right...it obviously felt wrong.

Bottom line, is that I do have the conviction that I need to breastfeed my children. I also believe that I should be letting others know about all the wonderful reasons to breastfeed in the first place. However, I can't begin to view my conviction for what is right for me and our family in a way that pertains to others. There is no law in the Bible that says Thou shalt breastfeed thy children, and I need to remember that and keep my own convictions to myself, and refrain from applying them to other people.