...and I'm going insane trying to figure out what works best to prevent it, and to discipline her after the fact. She hits a lot to get her way...I haven't noticed this with other kids, it's mainly with us...and if we're not around her, she hits things like the bed, table, floor...anything within reach...almost like that's the only way for her to get her aggression out...any advice? I'm going kinda crazy here!!

Katherine would sometimes hit us because she was angry we disciplined her. We spanked her and put her in her crib for time out until she got over her tantrum.

she doesn't hit us anymore. she still throws a fit now and then, but, no hitting and it's much less calm than it used to be. she is starting to understand she has to have some self-control. it's hard for toddlers to learn self-control because humans are impulsive by nature, but, that's something we have to teach them as parents....

so we try to be patient with her impulsiveness and make a difference between if she is being rebellious or just being impulsive -- you can usually tell in the attitude and then we adjust the punishment accordingly (like we usually don't spank just for impulsiveness, we usually wait for a clear sign of rebellion.)

My ds loves to hit! Usually with his hammers or drum sticks. So, we give him things that are ok to hit. When he has his hammers, he can hit his bed (plastic racecar bed), the floor and his tool bench. We also let him hit using his drumsticks (about 4 -5 in. long) on quite a few things. Also, at church we have a drum set that he's allowed to bang...er... I mean play on when he asks nicely and obeys when I tell him his time is up. Maybe try giving her things that are ok to hit??

Have you tried getting down on her level, eye to eye, and holding her arms/hands, not so sternly that she resists and has an even stronger urge to hit, but just kind of as a reminder, as you talk to her. Telling her not to hit..and directing her to things that would be safe to bang on..hitting a pillow, those hammer/nail toys, what have ya.

Just being consistent in telling her what she canNOT hit and trying to redirect.

Just a thought, not really been there myself. Though, Boo is proving to be more 'aggressive' similar to this. He's not gone to hitting yet. He's at the stomping and tensing up stage :rolls eyes:

Have you tried getting down on her level, eye to eye, and holding her arms/hands, not so sternly that she resists and has an even stronger urge to hit, but just kind of as a reminder, as you talk to her. Telling her not to hit..and directing her to things that would be safe to bang on..hitting a pillow, those hammer/nail toys, what have ya.

Just being consistent in telling her what she canNOT hit and trying to redirect.

Just a thought, not really been there myself. Though, Boo is proving to be more 'aggressive' similar to this. He's not gone to hitting yet. He's at the stomping and tensing up stage :rolls eyes:[OK] My almost 2 year old seems to strike out and hit too. Sometimes for fun, and sometimes out of frustration, sometimes just because he wants a toy that his older brother has.....ughhhh....it is frustrating.

What does seem to work though, is to keep a tight reign on him, and interrupt him every time he hits someone or something inappropriate. So if he hits his brother, I step in immediately and will pick him up and sit him on my lap and tell him sternly "You Do NOT hit." I will generally hold him on my lap until he's ready to try again with nice behavior with his brother....which he doesn't always like. If he REALLY doesn't want to be held, he has the option of going to time out. We're working on saying Sorry, but he's still kind of sketchy with that word since he's only almost 2...he doesn't say it regularly enough for me to know that he understands it yet, though that will come in time, and we do direct him to say it everytime...he just isn't really consistent with it yet.

Another thing to consider, is what kind of outside influences the child is seeing...like TV or cartoons, or what kind of playing older siblings do etc. For some reason, our DS#2 picked up on Karate pretty quickly, and "practices" his karate like DH and older brother. We are very strict with what TV and things the kids are exposed to since they're so very young, but sometimes things slip by that a kid will pick up on that we might not.

For instance, we were planning on sending DS#1 back to Karate class since he's had about a 6 mos. hiatus from it (it was too expensive for a time), but we've decided not to do that until DS#2 comes out of this stage with the hitting. He can't understand yet the difference between Karate and self defense and his hitting, so we're going to wait a few more months until he has a better grasp on the fact that hitting people isn't allowed. DS#1's karate class is "no contact" except for sparring once they reach a certain age and level (where its minimal contact) and full contact during meets. But we don't want DS#2 to practice like brother until he figures out that he's not allowed to hit people...if that made any sense.

Consistency is key though, and this battle gets much easier once the child is developmentally at the point where they understand empathy and can be taught and really understand that when they hit someone it hurts them just like falling down hurts...

Thanks everyone...

We address it each time...usually with getting down to her level, holding her hands, and explaining to her that hitting hurts and it's wrong...and she'll say sorry (sometimes on her own) and will gives hugs and kisses...

She does it when she's frustrated, she does it when she's trying to get someone's attention...she does it in play, and just because. She has drums, she has things that she can hit...but she doesn't. When she's angry, she just hits everything in sight. We're struggling a lot with helping her to deal best with her frustration, because I think that this is really what it all boils down to. I know that this is an age where little ones get very easily frustrated...but I'm on the edge... [flagsurrender] Save me!

She does understand the concept of right and wrong...she seems very smart when it comes to that (in general) and we've tried doing little time-outs with her, explaining what she did wrong, and putting her in her playpen for 2 minutes, then sorry and kisses. But she can climb out of her playpen...and it's frustrating...but I won't give in...I probably put her in there 30 times before she finally gives up and stays in there for the 2 minute time-out. It's taking less and less, but I hate doing that...and if there is something that's going to be more effective than that, I would love to try new things. We've held her on our laps, close to us, but not love hugs....held her hands and wouldn't let her down...that's what her doctor told us to do at her 18 month checkup....it worked a little bit, but it makes her even more angry and takes a lot more to settle her down...actually almost seems to make her want to hit us that much more...and I don't really think that's the right thing for her. *sigh* Oh, toddlers....[whatwacko]

I know how hard that can be! My oldest ds still hits when frustrated and angry. I say "Stop, hands down"! With my other ds I use a lot of the other things that the other moms have told you. I try to keep it as verbally simple as possible and keep repeating.
A suggestion I was given too if they throw the toys or use it to hit is to put it in time out!

I hear ya on the holding often making it worse. I've found that with Boo as well. When he gets frustrated he will do that tense arm 'grrr' kind of thing KWIM? hard to describe But anyway, in an attempt to help him get control, show him *what* needs to stop, I will hold his arms/hands and..yeah..he gets more frustrated. What I've done this far...still not sure how it's working..just saying this is what I'm trying to be consistent with at the moment..is loosen my grip slightly, but still hold his hands for another moment and again, firmly tell him 'no' that he needs to settle down, he cannot act like that, etc. Then I kind of rub his arms..so that I'm still sort of 'restraining' them, but not in a grasp. While saying..'ok, settle down, no, you need to settle down, you can't behave this way, that's a bad attitude, settle down so you can talk to mommy' that kind of thing. I *think* it's going ok. But, like I said, we've only recently started this tactic. I've not done it enough to say 'yeah, it's the ticket for us'.

Keep hanging in there girl. You can do this.

Oh, don't forget to praise whenever she does settle down. "good job settling down, thank you for not hitting anymore..that's a MUCH better attitude :) " Incorporate some high fives or something if that appeals to her.

Just thinking about Boo again..he totally digs 'high fives' and 'hit the rock' when he's done well...with ANYthing LOL

Yeah, Maddy does the whole high five deal...we're trying to show her that's the right way to well, hit for lack of better words, rather than out of extreme emotion. We're doing better with prevention...we see her raise her hand up (she waits a couple seconds before hitting, I think to see if we're paying attention) and we firmly say, "Put your hand down" and when she does I thank her for listening and tell her that she's done the right thing. So, it is getting better...but I think it's still going to be a bit of an issue for a while. I appreciate what you've said Tara...I will take it all into consideration...:-D Sounds like good advice to me!

I can't remember how old Maddy is (from what I remember she is a bit older than my dd - who is 16 months). We have been having issues with hitting too. Occasionally she will do it out of frustration - but normally it is just something she does just because. She tends to hit her older brother with toys (which are swiftly taken away) and has had a habit of hitting people in the face (which seems to be happening a bit less now). She is always very appologetic when scolded and will give a hug to say sorry to the person she hit. I think it is related to some sort of sensory stimulation that they crave and lack of impulse control. All we can do in the meantime is to make it clear by the way we respond that it is not acceptable and try to provide alternatives to get the same type of stimulation. In time their impulse control will improve as long as they have been consistantly shown how we expect them to behave in the meantime. Meanwhile I think that it is a really normal stage for them to go through.