This is going off of Kim's thread where she was saying that people were giving her a hard time for having her kids "too close together." Does anyone know what close spacing is? If so, would you please explain it to me? Or does it vary from region to region?

The other day, I mentioned to a friend that I was TTC and she said, "Why do you want another one so soon?" Huh? So soon? [whatconfused] Hannah's 18 months old. I didn't know that that was considered soon. LOL. Do people want us all to have our kids 4-5 years apart? :roll:

I have to say, I feel less enthusiastic about TTC when I feel that others may condemn me for having them "too close."


Thanks for any insight!

You have to what is best for your family and God already has our family planned:) I was ready for baby number 2 when ds was only a few months old. We conceived our first month trying and they will be exactly 17 months apart...I think that it is close spacing but I am excited about it. People look at me when I am out with ds and then look at my belly and I get all sorts of comments. When lady said you already have a baby and you are having another one? I told her God has really blessed us!

Mine are 17 month's apart. My SIL's first and second were 10 months apart!!! I thought that was crazy. But hey, her life, her choices. Her kids are happy and taken care of. So who cares really what other people think.


Katherine can't walk on the ice yet so I carry her to go in places (she's unsteady in her boots and might slip and hit her head on the ice in the parking lot. This won't be a problem this summer LOL) and also carrying a carseat is crazy to get inside to where the carts are in the grocery store. So, i've seen people give me dirty looks for having 2 kids that are unable to walk on their own through an icy parking lot. But, i've also had nice people who offer to help me carry the kiddos inside. So, you'll see both. Some people exclaim about how cute my kids are, and others are just annoyed that they are even present. I personally do not intend to pander to child-haters, that is for sure. I'm not going to change my LIFE for people who despise children!!

Also I just try not to go to many places alone too often because it makes my arms tired having to heft a toddler, a baby in a carseat and a diaper bag everywhere I go. Usually I rope DH into coming with us LOL.

I personally do not intend to pander to child-haters, that is for sure. I'm not going to change my LIFE for people who despise children!!


I love it, Cheese! Maybe that should be my motto. :D

My kids are just under 19months apart and I love it that they are so close in age. They already have a great bond. Abby is in love with her brother. I don't really get comments about the 2 of them being so close in age, but I do get comments when I tell people that I want to start TTC#3 Oct/Nov time. That's when they tell me that I'm crazy, having 3 so close together. I just tell them that I prefer to have them close together and that they don't have to raise them, I do. Don't think there is any written rule on how close is too close.

I've posted this before, but it's a perfect example of God being in control, so here it is again........ :)

It took us 2+ years to conceive DD. So, when we were thinking about another one, we decided we'd better start trying early, before DD turned 2, so that they'd end up being about 4 years apart.

TWO WEEKS later......we were pregnant with twins. :shock: So they're 2.5 years apart. Who knew? :-D

It's not at all what I would have planned- and it's perfect. :-D

my first 2 are 2 years and 10 months apart, ( i had a miscarriage between them) my last 2 are 19 months apart. my children are now 7 4 and 3 and are so close.

Our boys are 2 yrs and 6 weeks apart, and it's been wonderful! Some people commented on how "close" in age they were, which seemed strange to me. The worst comment, at the time, is now the funniest to me in retrospect.

Dh was away for work, and I was about 8 months pregnant with ds#2. Ds#1 fell, and hit his head on our sliding glass doors. Ds was, thankfully, not at all hurt. I had a friend over at the time, who was also 8 months pregnant (with her first). As were were checking on ds#1, in front of our eyes, cracks began appearing all over the sliding door! You could see where his head had hit it, and then cracks began running up and down the door from that point on! My friend had to leave shortly afterwards, so I put ds in his highchair to keep him away from the door.

I called where dh was staying, and couldn't reach him, so left a message asking him to call and tell me where our house insurance papers were (in my pregnant brain, I couldn't remember, lol). Of course, when dh got that message, he panicked, thinking we'd been robbed, or the house had burnt down, lol.

Anyway, I got a glass repairman out. He replaced the panel, etc. As I was walking outside to fix up the insurance docs, he glanced at my stomach, and then proceded to tell me how I was having them too close together, I was crazy to be having two children still in nappies, that I should have waited longer, that he and his wife had a much bigger gap, and that it was better that way :???:

I just kinda brushed him off, got inside and thought "What was that?!" Here I am, 8 months pregnant, my 2 yr old has just shattered a door with his head, my husband is away, and you're telling me how hard it's going to be when this baby arrives??!!"

Although it made me want to cry at the time, I can look back and laugh, thinking how very, very wrong he was!

Personally I always thought of 6 weeks pp close! Ha!

Good question. Really the answer is going to depend entirely on who you are talking to, because life looks different to everyone. While it is annoying when people make those comments, I'm with Cheese....I'm not going to make my decisions differently based on what others think.

Personally, for dh and I, the 16mth spacing between ds and dd has been awesome! I have *really* enjoyed having them close together. Sure there were challenges, but there will be with any child spacing you decide on - it will just look different. I have a friend at church who has a newborn, a 4yr old and an 8yr old. She expresses that although it is nice to have her two older girls more independent with a baby in the house, she finds it more challenging to be dealing with a newborn and one in school at the same time. Imagine the afterschool dinner hour.....baby wanting to nurse, preschooler wanting a snack or attention, and grade schooler needing help with homework. Just a different kind of craziness.

And as for the spacing between dd and this next baby (about 2.5yrs) I think it will be great too. If dh wasn't finishing up school right now, we probably would have started TTC a good 6 months earlier than we did. :D

ETA: I think that a lot of the comments about kids being so close in age comes from people who are overwhelmed with the baby/toddler phase of life. Diapers, night feedings, the inability to express in words their needs... Let's face it.....there are lots of people out there who just don't like it. (I know several....and that is where some of the comments I have received have come from!) I like this stage of life....and having more than one kid in diapers at the same time actually shortens the amount of time you have to deal with them in the long run! ;)

Agreeing with the others that the answer on this varies greatly. Our oldest two are 17mths apart. I remember the first three years as challenging, but LOVE it now. They have many common interests and get along so well. We then have a 4 1/2 and 5+ year gap with the last two, not our choice but the Lord's. This is great as well. It was wonderful to truly focus on the last two babies one at a time. The older girls have been lots of help as well. The challenges now are just different, that's all. Having two pre-teens who want to do totally different things from the little ones can be tricky. It's hard to have to go and get my oldest from a youth group event at 9:30pm at night when you know an infant will be waking you up all too soon! Like with anything else there are plusses and minuses to both.

Oh, wanted to add that my long time childhood girlfriend has four kids age four and under right now! Her and her dh have a dd (5/03), a ds (11/04), and in September adopted two siblings a ds now aged (25mths) and a dd as a newborn(8/07). Talk about a housefull! I'll admit even I was worried for her, her dh is a pilot with American Airlines and is off flying his route 4 days in a row most weeks and she still works part time teaching ballet. They have done wonderfully and their children are such a blessing!

As far as the original question, I've always thought that having kids who are less than two years apart (maybe 18 mos and younger) was close spacing. By saying that, I don't mean it in a negative way. Two of our kids are 18 months apart. Honestly, though, it can be a little zooey.[whatwacko]

Yes, you may get a little flack from well-meaning (and, maybe, not so well-meaning) friends and family members. Mostly, I think, people are concerned. However, if you really think about it, it's not up to us anyway as to how close or far apart our children are. God gives or doesn't give. If he gives you children who are only a year apart (I have a friend whose children were a year apart with the same birthday), then He will give you grace. It's funny, but if your youngest was 10 or 11, you would still be getting comments, "How will you do it??? How are you going to start all over????" :-D You will never, never be able to stop people from commenting, but you can choose a gracious way to deal with those comments. One more thing; I don't think that you have to defend yourself or explain yourself for having children either. Just my thoughts...

So, i've seen people give me dirty looks for having 2 kids that are unable to walk on their own through an icy parking lot. But, i've also had nice people who offer to help me carry the kiddos inside. So, you'll see both. Some people exclaim about how cute my kids are, and others are just annoyed that they are even present. I personally do not intend to pander to child-haters, that is for sure. I'm not going to change my LIFE for people who despise children!!

CB, do you think that this is truly the case? :???: :shock:

Well, for us, too close together would be any closer together than they are already, LOL. They are almost exactly 3 years apart, and that is perfect for our family!

Seriously though, if I were to say anything about someone else's choice, it wouldn't be too close together unless it was like 6weeks pp like someone mentioned above. That can totally drain your body, and the chances of losing your milk supply during pregnancy if you're breastfeeding your other child are like 50/50 I think, so I would totally say "Are you crazy girl?!!!" to that one, but strictly on a health basis and because I was worried for the lady, LOL....not because I really felt it was any of my business...

CB, do you think that this is truly the case? :???: :shock:



Okay... perhaps I overreacted a little. But yes there are people out there who hate children. There is a "childfree" movement and from what I have read about them some of them are so extreme they are despicable. I've read how they would rather save a hamster in a fire than save somebody's grubby kid. That gets to me. Some people do hate children. They call those of us that do names:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

There is a growing corpus of slang terminology, some of it borrowed from other groups or pop culture. The terms are often derogatory in nature, generally focusing on names for bad parents ("breeder"), lifestyle choices ("baby rabies" as a reference to the strong desire to have a child), annoying parental behaviors (parents who blatantly attempt to solicit comments about their offspring are said to be "baby stalking"), and terms for the children themselves ("sprog," an old British term for children; "Bratleigh," and "crotchfruit" are amongst negative terms to describe children).

Anyway -- not ALL people are like that, of course. And some people's comments probably come because they are surprised or something and don't mean anything nasty, maybe they don't know what else to say.

So, I apologize for generalizing what is only a percentage of people.

CB, my thinking was that it's easy sometimes to interpret a look or a comment in a way that maybe it wasn't intended or else to assume the worst. I think it's sort of a baby/bath water type of situation where it might be easy to put people in one big lump. I imagine that there are people out there who disapprove of large families and close spacing, but do not really dislike children. However, I also know that there are people who are "childless by choice", but I didn't know that there was a definite movement. Wow! What a shame!