Begining to wonder

I was just wondering if any of you have ever caught your kids playing "exploritory games" such as Dr's and Nurses etc.

I know a lot of child psychiatrists believe it's normal for a little experimentation between children, however normal it is, I don't personally believe it to be acceptable behaviour.

I over heard DD say to DS "Get on the bed, I am the doctor and I need to look at your bum-bum" (that's a bottom). I went to the kids and I said "No we don't speak that way, it is rude and we don't play games like that either"

I gave DD a little thinking time in her bedroom and then explained to her if I hear or see her playing dirty games there will be consequences and we don't act that way.

DS has been in trouble for "smelling" his sister's butt before, we have told him this is very dirty and if he behaves like this at school he will be in big trouble.

It may be developmentally "normal" to explore, however I feel it's moral for me to teach the kids against playing these kinds of games.

Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it.

I know once they begin playing more and more with other kids on their own this kind of thing is bound to begin happening more and more so I feel the only way I can sure up no spiritual damage or ensure the kids don't do it is to teach them playing "Rude" games is wrong.

[gen]

I know what you are saying and with three kids ages 7, 7 and 5, Yes we have dealt with things of this nature. There are times when they are just playing innocently and totally have no idea that what they are doing is naughty and there are times when they are behaving in a way to either get my attention or when they are giddy and just taking silly to the extreme. I usually dont make a hugely big deal when they are playing innocently, however when they are giddy like I explained, its usually when I am totally annoyed anyway and they tend to get a bit of an ear bashing. lol. I have explained to them in a way that hopefully didnt make them feel as if their innocent playing is naughty while getting across the idea that private areas are just that. Ive tried my best to be sensitive to their innocent conciences while educating them at the same time, Kwim. Does that make sense. The test came when a friend's son generously offered to show them his winky. My julie said 'If you do Ill tell your mum'. That was when no grown up was around watching. He tried it again some time later and she did the same thing. :wink:

[luvmy4sons]

It is a balance! Sounds like you guys did it well. :) Being a nurse I have always taken a very matter of fact tone and attitude about the private sections of their body. Using the same tone I would as if we were discussing their stomachs or heads. Maybe because I don't have mixed sexes in my home, I have never encountered the exploration issue. Everyone was the same so nothing too interesting. But I have dealt with what I call potty mouth and of course the questions etc... Like my son offering to buy me a male part because mine had fallen off ( he was 2 or 3) :lol:

I always tried to explain that some parts of the body are just private issues that we don't talk about or discuss around others and that we don't allow others to touch or see. They are just private areas that God designed for private times. When they got older I would then we would discuss the fact that these parts are meant for married couples only. I would point out when I saw them looking at the covers on the magazine of half naked women that it was sad that this woman would expose herself that way to strangers because only her hsuband should see those parts of her body. All very matter of factly...as if everyone thinks that way!

Isn't parenting lots of un :?: :lol:

yeah that's good!

DD walked in on DH naked the other day and burst out laughing. DH was mortified of course but DD said nothing about it.

I completely understand what you are saying about disturbing an innocent conscience too Gen, that's great.

I think I tend to worry more because while yes, my kids are innocent there are other children out there who have been exposed to many things they shouldn't be by negligent parents (such as too-old movies, older brothers and sisters...) or by people who just plain don't care.... and sometimes another child has been molested and is just re-inacting that behaviour - so I guess my idea is to arm them for that kind of thing by teaching them strongly that is wrong, without of course as Gen says, making them feel dirty or anything.

[pa_wife]

DD walked in on DH naked the other day and burst out laughing.
My dd walked in on dh when she was 4yrs old. A few days later I picked her up from pre-school and the teacher gave me a picture dd had drawn that day. There was mommy, little bro, herself, and daddy---and daddy just happened to have a TAIL!!

[mamaroo]

One day when I picked up my 3yo dd from the nursery I was told that she GROPED a 2 1/2 yo boy, and that it was completely oone sided on her behalf! Now in my mind, I must admit I thought the worst of this! The way it was told to me, made me feel as though my dd had totally violated this little boy. However, when I talked to the lady who had actually witnessed this event, it wasn't nearly as graphic as what was told to me. After issuing an prayer of thanks, I had a little talk about not grabbing others with my dd.

We haven't had the whole private parts talk yet. I'm waiting until she more potty trained. I don't want her to get confused by someone helping her get clean. As she gets older though, I will definately keep an eye on her during her play time with other children...I was left unsupervised far too often and I know first hand that children can learn far too much from other children!

I think it is normal for them to go through that "curious" stage. I would just tell them that "we don't do that" and act calm and don't get angry. Also I would stay away from using the word "dirty".
I'm sure this phase won't last long and they'll be curious about something else altogether. Just don't freak out. :wink:

My mum/dad caught me and my friend Joshua (4) playing doctors and nurses and they totally handled it the wrong way. They sent me to a shrink and well lets just say that they handled it very poorly IMO

I think you are doing ok...

Yeah, we usually only use the word dirty when it's to do with the bottom.
In the context of "sniffing bottoms" it is dirty ... gross.

DS has experimented with sniffing the cats behind once or twice and I have told him that is gross and dirty... how much bacteria is in a cats bottom eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

[justmeNmine]

ITA with you ladies here, that it's a balncing act of curbing curiosity... When my son was first born, he was the first boy in my family in the last 21 years! Naturally, my neices were curious about the difference they could see between his body and theirs... I was simple and matter-of-fact about it, and have always told them to not touch anyone's bodies but their own, and that, of course, mommies and aunties can help the baby get washed up. When they do play doctor, they usually just do the ears, eyes, throat, heartbeat, temperature, bandaids, etc. I think if they ever approached private territory, I would just reiterate that it's private.

Yeah, we usually only use the word dirty when it's to do with the bottom.
In the context of "sniffing bottoms" it is dirty ... gross.

DS has experimented with sniffing the cats behind once or twice and I have told him that is gross and dirty... how much bacteria is in a cats bottom eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Oh yeah that is gross LOL [rofl] Kids will be kids huh. :wink: I'm glad Abby doesn't sniff the cats bottoms. She does play with their tails which I don't like. And she lets them lick her fingers :roll:

[PATTIPEANUT]

O boy the stories I could tell on this subject with three sons and a daughter who is the youngest. I had the misfortune of having my oldest show himself to another little boy at school one time in the first grade (mind you his teacher and assistant teacher where absent that day and he had a sub. Now the sub was inexperienced and did not keep good control over the children - she was by herself and it was a Friday. But I have to say I absolutely lost it when the principal called to tell me what had happened. I was absolutely mortified. MOreover wehn I called to tell my husband he acted as though it was no big deal and said something about boys will be boys. However, since I had a very straightforward talk with him that day he has not done anything else like that. but I have come to the conclusion that boys can be exasperating - especially when they are of the father variety - especially considering my dh was with his father when I called to say what happened and my father-in-law, the very proper Primitive Baptist preacher just laughed as well (I could hear him thorugh the phone.) It is a very difficult situation to deal with but I only hope that one day I can see the humor in what happened.

Okay... so how do you all explain about who is allowed to touch and not touch or remove clothes etc in the context of toileting and bathing (such as "nanny can whipe your bottom) and then explain right and wrong fondling.

The only reason why I ask is because we have high incidence of incest in some quarters of the family and also I have a nephew I can't trust and also as they are going to Kindergarten.

[PATTIPEANUT]

For our family, we explained that any time anyone other than us as his parents and his two sets of grandparents and while they went to one - the babysitter were allowed to touch but anyone else is a no go. Also if they were ever made to feel uncomfortable by someone they needed to come tell either their father or I or a responsible adult if it happened at school.

Believe me it is a very important conversation to have. Last year we had the misfortune of having another child accuse our son of touching him inappropriately - now mind you there was no way it could of ever happened because I did not particularly trust this child for numerous other reasons (including the fact he was a bully constantly to my daughter who was younger than him) and at the time he said it happened my children weren't even really spending time with him because of school and various other things that were going on - the people investigating knew there was no real way my son was involved but they were concerned my child may have been molested as well so they wanted to interview for his own protection - in the end everything turned out fine for us as the other child was obviously lying about who did it.

Thankfully, God kept our son and family safe, but we are much wiser as a result. I now am much more careful about who I let my son socialize with and pay much closer attention to what they are doing. It sounds like you obviously have good reason to be very cautious. I will be praying for you that God has his protection over you and your family.