How are you all handling family visitors? I am at a loss as to what to do. My MIL is planning on coming out when the baby is due. I am not too thrilled with that one personally. I love my MIL, however, she had back surgery the 18th of last month and has severe fibromyalgia. So, her coming out here won't be to help out because she really can't. My family, I can't get a straight answer on. Every time I ask my mom, she tells me that she has to wait and see if they can get caught up on the bills from the month dad was out of work due to his bout of pneumonia in July. I am like, this is your first grandbaby, you are telling me that replenishing your bank account is more important than that? And if my mother does decide they can come out, I don't know how I'll handle that anyway. She is a control freak. She will swoop in and try to take over. And to top it off, my MIL can not stand my mother (my mom was rather rude to her when Peter and I got married about her fibro, saying, you are in so much pain, I can't believe you even came out here for the wedding and stuff like that. I wanted to hurt my mom over that one. MIL does like my dad though) I do not want to referee and try to temper my mother's comments to my MIL. We don't have a spare bed except for the twin sized pull out on the love seat anyway. So, that would mean everyone would have to stay in a hotel (I hope anyway). And I don't want that expense on anyone. And I don't want my dad's dog brought along for the trip. I don't trust him at all. Yet, if Tiger can't come, then if they decide they want to come out, they won't.

I just don't know what to do. No one can give me straight answers as to their plans except for MIL, and hers is dependent on if she can drive yet (which she will probably do without her dr's ok anyhow). I don't want to go into labor, have the baby and then find my parents in my hospital room the next day or something. I do not deal with surprises well like that.

So, thanks for reading that long, rather weird vent. What are you all doing for when the big day finally arrives? How are you dealing with the relatives? I need some thought and advice before I drive myself insane over this.

Thanks!

I hear ya, Crystal! That's a toughy! I have kindly but plainly talked about boundaries with my MIL, so that there'll be no hurt feelings later. I clearly said that we need time and space after the birth, that they will not be present at the birth, and that we will be happy to have them over to our home a few hours after the birth provided no complications arise requiring hospitalization. I've discussed my parenting practices with her and made it clear that my expectation is for them to help out with the home duties and us to raise the child. I've explained that we will be happy to see them but can't have them over constantly as I need to rest. So far it looks like everything will go fine. We live only 15 minutes away from them, though, so we're not having the hotel issue. Couldn't tell you how to deal with that. Maybe some families in your church could help host them?

My mom is going from the West coast in September and staying with us for a week. I've had a similar conversation with her about boundaries. She'll probably sleep on an air mattress on the floor or some arrangement like that.

I deliberately arranged to have my mom come well after the baby would have arrived, because I don't plan on having anyone at the birth and babies tend to show up later than their due dates often. I didn't want to have to exclude her while she was here, so I decided to avoid the issue but simply not having her here at the time.

So that's my two cents: communicate your expectations. Also, I communicated with my husband and asked him to please stick up for me if he saw me getting run over.

I agree with Ruth. I would express my expectations and make sure DH is on board with you. My problem wasn't my mom or DH's parents but neighbors and friends just popping in. To me that is rude to do to someone right after they have came home from the hospital and are tired and need rest and to get settled in. I sat my answering machine on 1 ring and turned the volume down and let it take care of the calls I didn't want to take.

Best of luck!

Stephanie :D

Well I have learnt from last time round that you just have to tell people if you don't want them to visit or stay whether it will hurt their feelings or not. So if your MIL wants to stay with you then I would tell her that you would rather she stay at a hotel nearby because you can't take care of her and baby. Perhaps you might have to get hubby to talk to her about it...
It doesn't sound like your mother has her priorities right... I hope she will come around. But if you don't want her to actually stay with you and she cannot afford to stay in a hotel then you need to decide whether you want her to come or not. Or could you pay for her hotel stay? :wink:

I will be telling my family that I only want my parents and my sister and her partner to visit while I'm in hospital. I just had way too many visitors last time and this time they can wait until I am home. Too bad if I hurt their feelings. My sanity is far more important HAHA I am going to be breastfeeding and need to get that established and I don't need any extra stress.

I would definately say if they are being indecisive YOU state the plans.
You say "come the day after" or whatever you want to happen... honestly don't let everyone else decide that kind of thing for you because it led to problems for us. You don't know how you are going to feel within yourself yet either, you may be raring for visitors or you might just want quiet time. I would definately call the shots and not ask what they are planning (that;s just me tho...)

This time around we are setting ground rules such as; one couple at a time at the hospital, NO big family congregations in the room, the baby is not being passed around - on day one, my Mum is coming over to mind the twins then after I have come out from surgery she is bringing the twins to see their new sister and then taking them home with her.

I am hoping the PIL dont rock up on the first day, we probably need to speak about this though - last time after the section I started vomiting and they arrived right when that began and ended up leaving straight away anyway.

Even when I get home we are also stating rules such as "no big family gatherings", it's completely not fair on me or the baby. Last time I had a set of pre-term newborn twins, recovering from a caesarian and I was expected to wait on all these people and it;s just not on this time. Some of them weren't even close relitives or anything.

I think in one of Dr Greens books called "Having babies and loving it" he says something along the lines of the baby is not a side show ROTF

Oh, and another thing. Help should come to be helpful, not to be entertained. I think that AussieMum already stated this but I wanted to underscore it. If my in-laws come over and want to make a meal that's fine! As long as they cook, clean up, etc. etc. Emma, you're right, having a baby is not a side show. Many people don't consider the feelings of the mother when they want to barge over and see the baby right away.

Also, I think that it's good to just notify chosen helpers when the baby arrives, so that they don't come and sit around saying, "When are you going to have that baby?" LOL. I know that if someone came all the way out to my house to help and the baby wasn't here, I might be ready to scream by the 2nd day of that. (I know whereof I speak, since I'm 2 days past my due date. LOL)

Above all, it's your baby and your birth and you have the right to call the shots on that. I feel that exhaustion, frustration, conflict, and everybody taking my child away from me and handing him around could cause postpartum depression. So it's important to set boundaries. Have a happy birth! You're getting close girl!

I think it is worth re-stating that your husband should be on board to protect you! I had a few instances where the first time around I was left to defend myself and with all my emotions and everything else it was just hard. So the second time around we talked about it and he agreed to be more protecting of me and not leave me to deal with family issues!

The first time around we had his brother & wife & their two children, and mil all come within an hour after we got home and stayed for quite a while and then before they left we had my sister and her three kids come. We had planned on my sister coming to help out but we purposelly arranged it so that we would have a couple of hours at home (alone I thought) but it didn't work out that way...

BASICALLY, I think you need to draw lines and make your expectations known. We were very clear after ds was born that we wanted quite family time alone before we started having company and it went much better then the first time around!

Melanie

Just be firm and mean if you have too! You don't need the extra stress and the last thing you need is someone starting off your parenting taking over your house and control! You can tell people they're welcome to visit during teh days, but I would without a question, make them stay in a hotel! You will be surprised how much you will NEED that time in the evening and night alone with just family!

I SORT OF LUCKED OUT WHEN MY FIRST WAS BORN. I HAD HER ON A FRIDAY AND ON SAT MY PARENTS AND IN LAWS BOTH LEFT FOR THEIR VACATIONS. MY HUBBY TOOK 2 WEEKS OFF OF WORK. BY TIME MY PARENTS AND INLAWS RETURNED FROM THEIR VACATIONS, WE HAD OUR OWN LITTLE SCHEDULE WORKED OUT. WHEN MY SON WAS BORN IT WAS DURING SARS. BECAUSE NO ONE WAS ALLOWED INTO THE HOPSITAL BY MOM AND MIL MADE SURE THAT ALL WAS READY FOR HIM AT HOME. NO ONE OFFERED ANY HELP THAT I DIDN'T NEED, AND IF I ASKED FOR ANYTHING TO BE DONE IT WAS.

Thanks all. We don't have the money ourselves to help put people up on a hotel. And I frankly can not pawn my family off on the nice people at church. You would just have to meet them to understand (basically my mom. My dad, I wouldn't be so worried about doing that). My MIL does actually have some friends who live in town here, so maybe she can stay with them. I might have Peter ask her. Worth a shot.

This wouldn't be so complicated if my family didn't live eight hours east of us, and MIL, three hours west of us.

Peter has already said that if my mother does decide to come out, and she starts in on how my house isn't up to her standards, or anything, he's giving it to her. He already has the words he wants to say ready. Part of me would love to hear my mother put into her place....but I know that is just mean. Another factor against her coming out is if she has to play the piano for church that month. I can't remember if it is this month or next that it is her turn (their church merged with another one so to keep feelings from being hurt, they all alternate which months they play). I think it was this month she is playing. Come to think of it, it is because she skipped her family reunion again this year in PA because of it.

The hospital I'm delivering at has a two visitor policy in the maternity ward, though they will be pretty lax about it if the mother asks. And the mom can ask for restricted visitors too. Like, all visitors have to be cleared through the nurse's station and checked against a list. As much as I don't want to have to resort to that one, I can have them limit my family for me. The two visitors at a time doesn't count the daddy at least. And maternity ward visiting hours don't start until ten thirty in the morning!!! Two and a half hours after the regular hospital visiting hours do. They end at eight thirty.

This is just so hard because I am such a people pleaser. I don't want to offend anyone, but I really don't think I can handle my family after giving birth. I've dealt enough with my mother over the phone. The, I didn't need an epidural either of my births, yadda, yadda, yadda whenever I bring up the video we saw in prenatal class or anything like that. I do plan on going for a natural child birth, but if I end up using any pain meds and my mom finds out, I would never hear the end of it.

The sad thing is that I really don't know what I want. Part of me wants my family to come out, the other part doesn't. Same with my MIL. Though, if I have to get mean and lay down the law, I know they won't take it too well. Both sides can hold grudges for a long while. MIL not as bad as my family.

Why is life so complicated at times? Oh well, this too shall pass. Eventually, though at this point I feel like I may be pregnant forever.

Thanks all. We don't have the money ourselves to help put people up on a hotel. And I frankly can not pawn my family off on the nice people at church. You would just have to meet them to understand (basically my mom. My dad, I wouldn't be so worried about doing that). My MIL does actually have some friends who live in town here, so maybe she can stay with them. I might have Peter ask her. Worth a shot.

This wouldn't be so complicated if my family didn't live eight hours east of us, and MIL, three hours west of us.

Peter has already said that if my mother does decide to come out, and she starts in on how my house isn't up to her standards, or anything, he's giving it to her. He already has the words he wants to say ready. Part of me would love to hear my mother put into her place....but I know that is just mean. Another factor against her coming out is if she has to play the piano for church that month. I can't remember if it is this month or next that it is her turn (their church merged with another one so to keep feelings from being hurt, they all alternate which months they play). I think it was this month she is playing. Come to think of it, it is because she skipped her family reunion again this year in PA because of it.

The hospital I'm delivering at has a two visitor policy in the maternity ward, though they will be pretty lax about it if the mother asks. And the mom can ask for restricted visitors too. Like, all visitors have to be cleared through the nurse's station and checked against a list. As much as I don't want to have to resort to that one, I can have them limit my family for me. The two visitors at a time doesn't count the daddy at least. And maternity ward visiting hours don't start until ten thirty in the morning!!! Two and a half hours after the regular hospital visiting hours do. They end at eight thirty.

This is just so hard because I am such a people pleaser. I don't want to offend anyone, but I really don't think I can handle my family after giving birth. I've dealt enough with my mother over the phone. The, I didn't need an epidural either of my births, yadda, yadda, yadda whenever I bring up the video we saw in prenatal class or anything like that. I do plan on going for a natural child birth, but if I end up using any pain meds and my mom finds out, I would never hear the end of it.

The sad thing is that I really don't know what I want. Part of me wants my family to come out, the other part doesn't. Same with my MIL. Though, if I have to get mean and lay down the law, I know they won't take it too well. Both sides can hold grudges for a long while. MIL not as bad as my family.

Why is life so complicated at times? Oh well, this too shall pass. Eventually, though at this point I feel like I may be pregnant forever.

Crystal, that's a bummer. I can hear your frustration coming out in your post. Sounds like your biggest problem is with your mom. I hope that she stays in her place. It's not her job to say that your house isn't up to your standards. If she does, then you could politely offer for her to clean it for you! :) It sounds like your mom is seeking to exercise control over you, whether it is by being patronizing about birth choices, being critical, etc. That's great that Peter is ready to stick up for you if needed.

You're about to have a baby and you don't need this kind of stress. Hopefully your family can make their own arrangements and be respectful of your needs. Maybe they can even come out a couple of weeks after Dainyah is born, so that you and Peter can have alone time together without the stress of family. (Because at this point, it sounds like they would be more stress than help)

I don't have any real pat answers. Just want to let you know that I'm saying a prayer for you. [amen]

I hear the thing about being pregnant forever! I already made a thread on that topic in the Gripe Box section entitled, "I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever!"

Thanks Ruth.

My mother is the kind of woman who if she came in this house right now, would start cleaning. While, I do admit my home does need some work (I've been rather exhausted recently and am to the point where it is bugging me, but I don't care). It wouldn't matter if I asked her to do it or not. She has always been a controlling, manipulative woman. Took me years to see it. She has to be the one in charge, all the time, over the whole family. And while I have been growing a backbone recently (I ended up in counseling after our miscarriage, and let's say, I'm still there dealing with the stuff from my family), but not enough of one to confront her yet. Though, the way I've been with the pregnancy hormones, I may just bite her head off yet if she gets me wrong. Even Peter says that I've gotten more outspoken and bold and blunt. And while some of it is good, he misses the real me (tons of other things have changed too besides that). I miss me too. If that makes sense.

My sister is a lot like my mom. Dad let himself get cowed by mom. So, yeah, life sure is interesting in that family. When Peter was in his internship three hours from where my family lives, I went to visit him several times. One of the ladies at the church he was at told him I was such a sweet person, and asked how I got that way. Peter answered her that it was rebellion. I laughed when he told me that, but in a way, it is the truth. I knew I didn't want to be like them. Now, to just not let them control me. Easier said than done though.

Two weeks and five days and we aren't preterm. As much as I want this kid on her due date, I can't wait to have her on the outside of me.

It really does ache my heart that these things are so common!!!

DH and I were only having this discussion last night when MIL offered to "help" I said "NO way, not this time... I can't handle her treating me the way she does" he was concerned abotu her feelings being hurt so I just said "Since when does she care if she hurts my feelings?"

He agreed that much was true.

I am going to just tough it out because any relitive coming over just means they are going to bully me like they did last time and try and rule the roost which is COMPLETELY out of line with the word of God.

That is one of the things Josh and I have really grasped hold of, particularly with a completely condescending family who want to "run our lives" even after 5 years of marriage.

The Bible clearly says in Genisis that "so shall a son leave his mother and fathers house and be joined to his wife"... it says "The husband is the head of his wife..." it also says "Wives submit to your husbands", it also says "Wives see that you respect your husbands"

NO where in the word does it say ... the parents may continue to interfere and make trouble, it doesn't say anything about respecting parents in relation to the running of a house hold... it says Honour parents, that doesn't mean that they may interfere and cause trouble and show disrespect to the husband's place as the head of a house hold... nor does it say anything about wives submitting to mother in laws, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandmothers or anyone else - the word says the wife is to SUBMIT to her husband and NO ONE ELSE IMO (except for the Lord).

So if people have to "hurt" feelings or are worried about doing so, in all honesty, if our marriages are in-line with scriptures then this should not even be a consideration.

I would never put "hurting my family" above "Submitting to my husband"
If my family disrespects my DH, then they are on the outer, I am not going to ever anymore curry favour to them because of their "feelings" over my husband's role as the head of our household. Too many times they have over stepped their mark with him (my parents) and too many times I have been utterly disrespected by his mother, when really in the scriptual sense if there is a problem in our house it is DH's job to say so, not hers... if he doesn't see a problem then there isn't one.

What can I say, except take strength in the way God has ordained things. That is what we are trying to do now due to the fact that we had SO many problems when the twins were born with the parents, and that particularly his parents continue to try and rule the roost (esp MIL).

I agree with Ruth. I would express my expectations and make sure DH is on board with you. My problem wasn't my mom or DH's parents but neighbors and friends just popping in. To me that is rude to do to someone right after they have came home from the hospital and are tired and need rest and to get settled in. I sat my answering machine on 1 ring and turned the volume down and let it take care of the calls I didn't want to take.

Best of luck!

Stephanie :D

ITA I had unexpected visitors in hospital and at home. It is really hard to tell them that you would rather they phone or arrange it first... but this time I'm going to be tough :wink:

Oh, and another thing. Help should come to be helpful, not to be entertained. I think that AussieMum already stated this but I wanted to underscore it. If my in-laws come over and want to make a meal that's fine! As long as they cook, clean up, etc. etc. Emma, you're right, having a baby is not a side show. Many people don't consider the feelings of the mother when they want to barge over and see the baby right away.

Yes I agree. I won't even be making drinks for people. Sorry. If they come to visit and Paul isn't here (after he goes back to work) then they will be either making their own drinks or missing out. I won't be asking if they would like a drink. If they ask... well, I'm not sure what I'll say... probably, "you know where the kitchen is" [rofl]

yeah or just plain "help yourself, you're very welcome" :P :P

Peter has already said that if my mother does decide to come out, and she starts in on how my house isn't up to her standards, or anything, he's giving it to her. He already has the words he wants to say ready. Part of me would love to hear my mother put into her place....but I know that is just mean.

Yeah my midwife told me to tell my mother that she told me that when Abby and Sophie are sleeping that I should be sleeping or resting too. Because my mother seems to think that that is when I should be doing housework. LOL So she told me that if my mother says this again, to tell her that my midwife told me to rest. :wink:

The hospital I'm delivering at has a two visitor policy in the maternity ward, though they will be pretty lax about it if the mother asks. And the mom can ask for restricted visitors too. Like, all visitors have to be cleared through the nurse's station and checked against a list. As much as I don't want to have to resort to that one, I can have them limit my family for me. The two visitors at a time doesn't count the daddy at least. And maternity ward visiting hours don't start until ten thirty in the morning!!! Two and a half hours after the regular hospital visiting hours do. They end at eight thirty.

Yep I'm making a restricted list of visitors... it's pretty short. The only people that can visit are ... my mother, father, sister and her fiance. Depending on how long I stay in hospital it might include my grandparents... two sets. And that's it. LOL Dunno how I'm going to deal with telling FIL that he will have to wait until we are home. But I'm hoping he is going out of town the day before for his sisters 50th bday party. That would mean he wouldn't be around hopefully when I go into labour :wink:

This is just so hard because I am such a people pleaser. I don't want to offend anyone, but I really don't think I can handle my family after giving birth.

Me too.

The sad thing is that I really don't know what I want. Part of me wants my family to come out, the other part doesn't. Same with my MIL. Though, if I have to get mean and lay down the law, I know they won't take it too well. Both sides can hold grudges for a long while. MIL not as bad as my family.

Why is life so complicated at times? Oh well, this too shall pass. Eventually, though at this point I feel like I may be pregnant forever.

They will get over it... it's all about YOU and BABY and they need to realize that. If you aren't up to so many visitors or the stress from certain family members then you aren't up to it. Too bad for them.

I also feel like I've been pregnant forever. I'm so glad I only have two weeks to go! As soon as I hit 40 weeks I'm going to be eating tons of black licorice and drinking heaps of red raspberry leaf tea :lol: :wink:

Thanks Ruth.

My mother is the kind of woman who if she came in this house right now, would start cleaning. While, I do admit my home does need some work (I've been rather exhausted recently and am to the point where it is bugging me, but I don't care). It wouldn't matter if I asked her to do it or not. She has always been a controlling, manipulative woman. Took me years to see it. She has to be the one in charge, all the time, over the whole family. And while I have been growing a backbone recently (I ended up in counseling after our miscarriage, and let's say, I'm still there dealing with the stuff from my family), but not enough of one to confront her yet. Though, the way I've been with the pregnancy hormones, I may just bite her head off yet if she gets me wrong. Even Peter says that I've gotten more outspoken and bold and blunt. And while some of it is good, he misses the real me (tons of other things have changed too besides that). I miss me too. If that makes sense.

My sister is a lot like my mom. Dad let himself get cowed by mom. So, yeah, life sure is interesting in that family. When Peter was in his internship three hours from where my family lives, I went to visit him several times. One of the ladies at the church he was at told him I was such a sweet person, and asked how I got that way. Peter answered her that it was rebellion. I laughed when he told me that, but in a way, it is the truth. I knew I didn't want to be like them. Now, to just not let them control me. Easier said than done though.

Two weeks and five days and we aren't preterm. As much as I want this kid on her due date, I can't wait to have her on the outside of me.

I can so relate! My mum wouldn't start cleaning though. She just criticizes my housekeeping skills instead. My midwife told me that if she says anything to tell her she is welcome to clean :wink: :lol:

I think I may bite off FILs head LOL He asked me last night "how are you feeling?" I so wanted to say "how do you think?!" ARGH! :oops: :lol:
If it's not FILs head it will be someones... maybe my mothers... :oops:

It really does ache my heart that these things are so common!!!

DH and I were only having this discussion last night when MIL offered to "help" I said "NO way, not this time... I can't handle her treating me the way she does" he was concerned abotu her feelings being hurt so I just said "Since when does she care if she hurts my feelings?"

He agreed that much was true.

I am going to just tough it out because any relitive coming over just means they are going to bully me like they did last time and try and rule the roost which is COMPLETELY out of line with the word of God.

That is one of the things Josh and I have really grasped hold of, particularly with a completely condescending family who want to "run our lives" even after 5 years of marriage.

The Bible clearly says in Genisis that "so shall a son leave his mother and fathers house and be joined to his wife"... it says "The husband is the head of his wife..." it also says "Wives submit to your husbands", it also says "Wives see that you respect your husbands"

NO where in the word does it say ... the parents may continue to interfere and make trouble, it doesn't say anything about respecting parents in relation to the running of a house hold... it says Honour parents, that doesn't mean that they may interfere and cause trouble and show disrespect to the husband's place as the head of a house hold... nor does it say anything about wives submitting to mother in laws, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandmothers or anyone else - the word says the wife is to SUBMIT to her husband and NO ONE ELSE IMO (except for the Lord).

So if people have to "hurt" feelings or are worried about doing so, in all honesty, if our marriages are in-line with scriptures then this should not even be a consideration.

I would never put "hurting my family" above "Submitting to my husband"
If my family disrespects my DH, then they are on the outer, I am not going to ever anymore curry favour to them because of their "feelings" over my husband's role as the head of our household. Too many times they have over stepped their mark with him (my parents) and too many times I have been utterly disrespected by his mother, when really in the scriptual sense if there is a problem in our house it is DH's job to say so, not hers... if he doesn't see a problem then there isn't one.

What can I say, except take strength in the way God has ordained things. That is what we are trying to do now due to the fact that we had SO many problems when the twins were born with the parents, and that particularly his parents continue to try and rule the roost (esp MIL).

I totally agree! I really need to make a big sign with that bible verse on it and stick it on our front door :wink:

yeah or just plain "help yourself, you're very welcome" :P :P

Thanks for that! That sounds much more polite :wink:

Awww, Crissy, I'm sooo sorry your having to deal with this. [hug]

Like Renee, I learned the hard way too. I never said anything to anyone about visiting time, mainly because I didn't think about it, I was induced, but at the same time given some medication for BP that slowed down the labor process so I was in the hospital from Monday-Friday and Friday (at my request), was the only day I had no visitors (Sam was born on that Wed.).
I barely got to hold her on Thurs, is why I asked for no visitors on Friday!

The next time around, no one in the birthing room (my MIL for some reason stayed-that was kind of :oops: ), only two visitors at a time and only in the afternoon for about 3-4 hours, if even that.

I hope things work out for you and you can get some straight answers from your parents and if everyone does get together, I pray that they will all get along!

Hi,

I agree with the rest also. Stand your ground. I arranged for my mother to come out to spend a week with us after the baby was born to help, and that I knew she would. She took care of doing dishes when she was here and helped to clean house. It was great.

I also did not want anyone else except for my dh at the birth either.

My dh had to take extra time off work as I had long labour ahead of the birth and then I ended up having a section so it was nice that he was able to spend extra time with me.

The Church also provided us meals for 3 weeks. This was a GREAT help!

Also we turned the ringer down a lot, so people could just leave messages.

When I was in the hospital I also stated no visitors at times, I had had a rough delivery so I didn't want to see anybody, I just wanted to sleep.

My MIL also said to me before the baby was born that we would have to come out and visit (they live an hour away) after the baby was born and I'm like, no, you can come visit us. We'll be too tired.

In the end, I was glad I had done all that. It was worth it.

Jamie, yeah it almost seems to be the last thing on your mind doesn't it?
I know I never even thought about it because the end of my pregnancy with the twins (from 30 weeks onwards) was messy and relitives and possible problems was the last thing on my mind - until it was too late.

I am even thinking I might warn my midwife so she can help me out a bit in hospital. But you know midwives are AMAZING women, my last one seemed to sense that I was distressed and attempted to get rid of a group of relitives who arrived en-mass for me....

My friend Caroline experienced the same thing in hospital, she had persistent staying visitors and managed to sneak out to the toilet and her midwife picked up Caroline was not coping with the visitors and asked if she was okay and Caroline burst into tears and said "Actually, I am feeling quite weepy, can you get rid of them" and she did.

Honestly, I feel quite comfortable to tell people that if something is really upsetting you try and signal a midwife to deal with it because sometimes after baby you just aren't strong enough for confrontation.

Jamie, yeah it almost seems to be the last thing on your mind doesn't it?
I know I never even thought about it because the end of my pregnancy with the twins (from 30 weeks onwards) was messy and relitives and possible problems was the last thing on my mind - until it was too late.

I am even thinking I might warn my midwife so she can help me out a bit in hospital. But you know midwives are AMAZING women, my last one seemed to sense that I was distressed and attempted to get rid of a group of relitives who arrived en-mass for me....

My friend Caroline experienced the same thing in hospital, she had persistent staying visitors and managed to sneak out to the toilet and her midwife picked up Caroline was not coping with the visitors and asked if she was okay and Caroline burst into tears and said "Actually, I am feeling quite weepy, can you get rid of them" and she did.

Honestly, I feel quite comfortable to tell people that if something is really upsetting you try and signal a midwife to deal with it because sometimes after baby you just aren't strong enough for confrontation.

That's a great suggestion!

Well... I just thought it was a little OTT to begin telling everyone to keep a flame thrower beside their hospital bed ROTF!

Flame thrower sounds like it could be fun. Then, when you aren't roasting unexpected guests, you can make s'mores. [jumping]

My parents haven't been out to see us since we got married. We ran out there the begining of May to get my dog (we got there at eleven that night, had to leave the next day at three in the afternoon because Hubby had to go back to work and he had skipped one day of classes to go. It was the most spur of the moment thing I had ever done). That has been all I've seen of them in the last thirteen months. I have asked them to come out before, and have gotten the brush off repeatedly. Like, well, your dad would have to take off work and I don't think we could afford it, or I have to play the piano at church that month and a ton of other excuses that really just tell me that mom doesn't want to bother coming out. We've been out to see MIL several times and she has come to visit us twice (she can't really travel much though.). When we left my parent's to come home, my mom said we would have to come back some time to see them again. Peter told them it was their turn to come out and visit, and mom told him quickly that then we would have to reciprocate. I wonder if my mom sensed something and knows that she won't be allowed to be controlling in my home. The entire time we were there, it was, why don't you go and see this person, that person, run over to the church to say hi, go and say hi at the library, call that person. We made the trip over to see them and get my dog. We didn't go over there to run hither thither and yon and see people that I really didn't care that much about seeing. Got on both our nerves. That and she and my sister decided it was fun to poke my barely pregnant belly (though, I thought I was huge at the time, I know think I was tiny). I am not the Pillsbury Doughboy. That may be how my kitchen is decorated, that doesn't make me him. I nearly lost it over that one. Oh well, I highly doubt I'll be seeing any of them in the near future. And we can't go and take Dainyah over anytime soon after she is born because Peter won't have any time off work after this (he is taking all his vacation, sick and personal days off after she comes to be with me) and he has school. As it is, she is due the first third of the semester. At least he doesn't have that many classes his last semester to deal with.

Thanks all. I do appreciate your insight into this sticky matter.

Crystal

Well... I just thought it was a little OTT to begin telling everyone to keep a flame thrower beside their hospital bed ROTF!

[rofl]

Flame thrower sounds like it could be fun. Then, when you aren't roasting unexpected guests, you can make s'mores. [jumping]


[rofl]