feel like a bad mommy

Is it about the norm for a 7yr old to be defiant and push boundaries harder than ever?

I'm just asking because, well I feel like a terrible parent if it isn't just an age thing...

We are having so much trouble with lying,disobeying,ignoring,smart mouthing,whining,tantrums,being lazy,disrespectful -

Oh I'm just exhausted from it all [sleep]

For instance, I asked her to wash the dishes and I'd get the pots and pans...This is a job that I rarely have any trouble getting her to do..heck she gets to play in water and pretend its her kitchen....But today she was watching TV when I dared to interrupt her life..

She walked into the kitchen with her little [angelpink] face on...She stayed in the kitchen for a few minutes and then said she was done...I walked in, not only were there dishes everywhere :shock: but there was nasty water in the sink with some dishes there, other dishes were soap covered and never rinsed...There were dishes laid to the side that were clearly still dirty and she'd splashed dirty water all over the kitchen counters and walls [whateeeeeksign]

I calmly turned her tv off [badtv] and informed her that since she didn't do the job she was asked to do and then lied about it, that she would now be rewashing all those dishes plus wiping down the kitchen....

She's been in there for 2hrs!!! [whatsmack] [whatheadagainstthewall] [whataaargghsign]

It was a 15min job in most cases...

What happened to my little [angelpink] [heartbeat] [girlprincess]

Am I doing something wrong? or This a growing up thing?

I want to have more kids someday but if I can't handle 1 how would I handle more than 1 ?

I feel defeated in the mommy department today :(

[SpiritFilledMomof2]

I'm sorry you're going through that. I know it's frustrating. I often feel the same way. My 6 yo dd has always had an attitude and I often feel like I'm not doing a good job. I wish I had some advice for you. Sounds like it could be a stage hopefully since she hasn't always been like this. I would just keep praying and maybe try to talk to her, see if there's something bothering her to make her act out like this. Good Luck!

[pa_wife]

I have been blessed with a daughter who has only given me small problems here or there--she's 14 now. My 11 yr old son-------just the opposite. He hasn't gone to the extreme that your daughter did, but has frustrated me so that sometimes I want to pull my hair out--or his!!
I found a devotional book for him that is 31 days long. It speaks specifically to behavior and it has really helped him. It is called "Promises for Kids" and is put out by Lifeway. I think you can get it from their website.
One example--Day 15 God Promises That.....When You Obey Your Parents, You'll Be Glad you Did. Scripture ref. Proverbs 1:8. Then there is a small 3 paragraph devotional, a tip for Kids, a tip for parents, and last, but not least, a specific prayer for the 2 of you to say together "Dear God, when I obey my parents, I'm happier and safer. Help me learn the importance of obeying my parents today and everyday. Amen"
We have also used a Family Bible Study called "Kindness In the Family" Both of my kids really liked that one. Another is "Responsibility in the Family." Those Bible studies use a "coach and team" theme. The kids learned to be nicer to each other and also why it is important that they become responsible for some of what happens in your home.
You were right to take away that TV! Kudo's to you! [cheer]

Lis, I get that sometimes from my 8yr old son. He can cop a real attitude when he wants to! :twisted: I think you did the right thing by turning off her TV and making her rewash the dishes and clean up the mess she made. My son gets his playstation and TV taken quite abit. He was always this sweet child and then he woke up one morning and was this "thing" with a smart mouth and attitude. I have had to, on more than one occasion, walk away and go into another room to keep from smacking his mouth :oops: .

You are definately not a bad mother. You are doing a great job being a mommy! You just have to be firm and show her who the parent is. Keep up the good work!! [claploud]

[cjropher]

You're not a bad mom at all. Even my 4 year old wants to push the limits and see how far he can go. He often has his toys taken away or made to do something. I hate those times when I feel like I'm only disciplining and not loving at all... I'm loving him enough to discipline him but I can't be cuddling and kissing him when I'm making him behave. But more often than not, as he's getting into bed, he wraps his arms around my neck and says, I love you Mommy. I love you so much! Then he doesn't let go! It makes me realize that while I train him, there will be times when it's tough for both of us. But then later, we all reap the rewards.

Yesterday in the comics section of the paper, in For Better or For Worse, there was a woman shopping with her two kids. The older one announced that she wanted in the shopping cart. The mom said, I'm sorry, but I asked at the beginning and you didn't want to. Now there isn't enough room in the cart. The girl said, well then I'm going to sit here and not move. The mom said, okay, I'll see you later. A few seconds later, the little girl is racing back to mom crying. The mom thinks, tough love is tough on everyone involved. As parents, we need to keep a standard of what we expect. Angela may have taken a long time to do the dishes and clean up. But I bet she will think twice about her behaviour next time. Or at least eventually :wink:

[danou]

I'd like to jump in here if I may...
I like what one of the previous posters mentioned about obey with a joyful heart/cheerful attitude. Teaching and maintaining expectation is a huge thing- I believe.
I would like to offer positive feedback on the way you handled her disobedience. Good job.
I sense a warning flag... if her behaviour is abnormal- it wouldn't hurt to double check with her about how "life" is going... she maybe having some social issues or be anxious or stressed about something. This would be good bedtime dialogue or "happy" time dialogue.
HTH :)

Lisa - while I don't have a 7y/o my sister did tell me that around the age of 7-8 is when they start trying to break away and push the bounds even more like you described.

Another Mother who has 3 teen kids also told me the same thing.

Just keep addressing it... one of my other friends joked it's the terrible 2, & 3, &4's, 5,6,7 (she kept counting and you get the gist).

And informed me as soon as you think you have a handle on things they throw something else out there for you to deal with. :wink:

Don't blame yourself, we mothers have a tendancy to do that... my DD has been incredibly rude and disrespectful for almost 2 weeks and I tend to go through a pattern of disciplining her via room time etc and then wonder if it's my fault - it's not...

Many hugs

Aussie Mum