Help - 2 year old screaming all evening - UPDATE

[NZMummy]

We are currently having some sleep problems with our almost 2 1/2 year old. He has decided that he needs Mummy to sit next to him (preferably holding his hand though not always) to go to sleep. I used to happily sit with him while he dropped off to sleep after singing him a lullaby because it would take only a few minutes. But now he wants me to sit with him for over an hour while he rests but doesn't go to sleep properly (so he is aware if I leave the room). With a new baby soon to arrive and need my attention and feeling tired with the pregnancy I am really wanting to teach him to go to sleep without needing me in the room for hours.

Does anyone have any techniques that worked well for them in a similar situation?

For the last couple of nights I have done the normal bedtime routine and then left the room. I return to resettle and reassure him at intervals. However, both nights it has taken over an hour of screaming before he finally falls asleep by himself (he is still in a cot - although we want to move him into a big-boy bed very soon). He is also much more unsettled than normal during the night - not resettling himself as he used to. Should I persist? Should I try something different?

[gen]

I dont know. Maybe he needs the reassurance because he senses the changes in the family about to take place. I have gone thru this with mine and at times when they were younger I would have to let them cry it out because of circumstances. I didnt do it that often. When mine were about 2, I can remember a time when Sophie was a bit restless like that when going to bed. I was either pregnant at the time too or had just had my son. I would go back into her room and stroke her hair, that always calmed her down, I could tell she felt reassured and glad that I came back. I wouldnt run whenever I heard her wimper but if she was screaming and very upset I would go back. I would stand there stroking her hair for 15 minutes at a time, then tell her Im going now. Usually she would be ok after that. He's only a little guy and the world is changing for him. He might just be having a hard time with bad dreams or maybe the lighting in his room is creating scary shadows. I would personally hold his hand or stroke his hair, whatever helped him feel reassured, read him several stories. Tell him 'Im going soon', or 'Im not going to stay in but Im in the next room'... Then when you are about to leave tell him 'Ok, Im leaving now but I will be back to check on you'. Stuff like that.

I was going to ask you if he seemed to be cutting his age 2 molars because I know this similar thing happened to a friend of mine and their child Harrison who is normally placid and goes to bed with ease -was going crazy screaming at night and it turned out it was his 2 y/o molars... probably very OFF here. Apparently it is excrutiating for them though.

I think personally a child that age is a bit too young to sense changes, if the baby was here already, I would agree ... Only saying that because DS is now 3 1/2 and even though I am pregnant seems to be completely blaze about the new arrival and my showing 8 month bump.

We more or less with the twins, would put them down, maybe one story one song and that's it. I was told not to make eye contact, lay them down and walk out. Sometimes we had to lay them down and say " go to sleep please" a few times, but we certainly didn't go back repeatedly and pick them up or give them positive attention over the crying fits - they will keep doing it if they learn it's a method to "keep Mummy near by"

Anyway, it worked for us.

[Kerina]

Well, I don't know either, but I will tell you it sounds like what my 2 year old would do, because she always tries to "push the envelope" so to speak. We have to be very very consistent with her. What we've decided is to have a normal routine every night ( bath, prayer, story) and when it's bedtime we don't want to hear her and she cannot get up. When we start to let her get up for one more hug or whatever, and she isn't punished, then she will try it everytime, because she knows eventually, we won't be consistent. That kind of sounds mean, but she knows how to play us. The times she mostly tells us "I love you" is when she's trying to get out of bed. :lol:

You shouldn't feel guilty about not sitting with him. You need your rest too!! He also should fall asleep on his own.

I know that I'm no expert, but I've figured out the hard way that I need to be more of an authority then their "puppet" in order for them to do what I say.

[wcarbone]

I know exactly what you are going throught. My son did that from age 2 until age 3. I started talking to him about being a big boy and how big boys go to bed. It took a while and lots of tears on both parts, but it will pass

It is so hard to see them upset. I agree that maybe he may just sense his surroundings changing and this is how he is expressing his concern. I would start talking to him about how he needs to be a big boy since he is going to have a baby coming soon and stuff like that. It may not help, but you are still reassuring him that everything is going to be ok. Maybe limit your time you are spending with him when you put him to bed. Read a story and tuck him in and sit with him for a few minutes and then tell him it's time to go to sleep and leave. Then if he gets really upset and is screaming his head off, I would go back and reassure him, but only if it gets to that point. After a few nights, he should fall into the routine and he will be fine.

[7thHeaven]

Maybe a small radio playing lullabys? We leave classical music on for Sam's naps and at night time. If Sam wakes up in the middle of the night fussing, we listen to see if she will stop and if she doesn't we go and check things out. We've only had to go in one time (she was having a bad dream :cry: , poor baby). I hope things get better for you and your little one! :wink:

[mamallama]

I think these ladies have offered good advice. The most important thing to remember in my opinion is to keep a routine. If you are going to read one book and have one song and then bedtime prayer - then do the same thing every night. Make sure he is going to bed at the same time every night. Also you might want to have the same kind of "down time" before bed each night. Babies/toddlers need quiet time about 30 minutes before bedtime to kind of get them into sleep mode. This has worked with both of my children.

Good luck! :)

Yeah I had the same thoughts as Gen and Aussie Mum. You are pregnant so he is probably just sensing change. I'm going through this with Abby too. She sleeps fine during the night. But during the day she is soooo clingy and just doesn't want anyone else but me. She spends a lot of time lying on me. I can't lie down on the couch to rest without her jumping up and lying next to me or on top of me... :roll:
Also she is teething. She's getting 2 at once. And one is one of the 2 year molars. So I think that might have something to do with it as well.

I hope it doesn't last too long! I am finding it hard to deal with.

I am hoping that once baby arrives she will calm down and realize that she is still loved just as much and still just as much my baby. It doesn't help when my mum says that she is going to have her nose put out of joint and that she will revert back to being a baby and wanting everything done for her etc..... :( Some positive encouragement would help ...

When are you due?

I think personally a child that age is a bit too young to sense changes, if the baby was here already, I would agree ... Only saying that because DS is now 3 1/2 and even though I am pregnant seems to be completely blaze about the new arrival and my showing 8 month bump.

I don't know.. I think every child is different. I've noticed a real change in Abbys behaviour since I got pregnant. She knows about the "bubba" in my tummy and will give her kisses and sometimes rubs my tummy or wants to see it. But then at other times if I lift my tshirt up she frowns and pulls it down and says "no bubba all gone!" and doesn't want to see it. :lol: I think she does know that there is going to be another baby soon. I'm hoping she won't be too upset or unhappy about it when it happens. I know it's hard on them but I am really hoping she will enjoy being a big sister and helping me out with things. We'll see....

[NZMummy]

Thanks for all your advice.

It seems that he has developed a bit of separation anxiety at night. He has had a bad winter with lots of colds and flus which lead to him waking at night uncomfortable and frightened. Although he is currently healthy, he still thinks that he needs me in the night. I have given up on leaving him to cry because it lead to him getting really distressed and then waking screaming many times during the night (leading to none of us getting sleep). However, I am still having to get up to him a couple of times every night and sit in his room for about an hour each time. I am trying a gradual separation technique - so I am now at a stage where I can sit in the doorway with my back to him rather than having to hold his hand. The next stage would be being able to give comfort from the next room (our bedroom) - which has only worked once so far. I thought that he was getting calmer about being left at night (he even slept through the night once) but the last couple of days have been bad again. This is really becoming a strain on my pregnant body - after a bad night I have trouble even thinking straight the next day. So I would appreciate your prayers that we can get over this problem quickly.