Is it just me or are others pretty sensitive to negative comments they get? Anywhere from getting your parenting ideas or methods critiqued to people being negative or unsupportive about your labor and delivery plans, projecting their negative experiences about anything and everything unto you, warning you that your medication prescribed for a particular condition may cause birth defects, warning you that soon your euphoria will wear off and the "realities" of parenthood will sink in, insinuating that you shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place, telling you how you're supposed to feel (such as "You will have pain" or "You will be miserable" etc. etc.).

Maybe it's my hormones or maybe it's the fact that I'm always extra sensitive to negativity? How do you not internalize these comments? I don't want to spend a huge chunk of my time being bitter at people for being ignorant and saying things that they ought not to say (plus, that's hypocritical because I'm sure that I've been guilty of any or all of the above at one point or another) And I know that a mother with a small baby is a prime target for advice anyway, so it's not going to go away!

What can I do?

How do I stay positive? Why are most of these types of remarks directed at women? Why don't people often say negative things to my husband? He could deal with it better than I could.

Any unwanted, or just plain weird, advice I got, rather than offend people, I'd just smile, nod my head and say something like "Really? That sounds interesting, I'll keep it in mind." Then if they later asked me if I tried it, I'd just say "Well, I was going to, but everything seemed to settle down", or "Well, I was going to, but the dr. suggested ....", or "Well, I was going to, but this ........................ seems to be working well for us."

I used to get upset by negative comments, but say nothing. Now, I either laugh as though they've told a joke, then stop suddenly and say in surprise "Oh, you're serious, aren't you?" :lol: Or, occasionally, I'll just smile and say "Well, actually, I've found .................. to be the case for us.", and just put a positive spin on it :wink:

Of course, it's taken nearly 8 years of being a mum for me to get to this stage :roll:

Ruth - not sure why, my Mum always has said to me that "women are both our greatest enemy and our greatest support" -

It's almost like there is an invisible pecking order among mothers, almost like there are invisible ranks with who has the most kids, to who is a first timer LOL. I learnt very quickly NOT to tell anyone a thing I was doing with the twins because even though I KNEW what I was doing, everyone else like to smirk and say "first time Mum" in a derogitory sense.

I remember once I was asking ladies at work for b/f advice before the twins came and one of them said "That's a really ignorant question actually" (she was really hissy fit at me) and I said "YEah, I am ignorant, why do you think I am sitting here asking you questions" (HO HO HO, that shut her up LOL)

I got so many smug poo-hoos for my beliefs and always the comment "oh just you wait..." ..."We don't know why you are going through it" (having twins).... and "Once they are born you are going to wish you never had them" - that is plain immature, a baby is only a baby for a very short time and it would be nice of people could put that in perspective.


Yeah Ruth, even for my 3rd child I am getting told how rotten it is going to be PSHAW! The gloss doesn't wear off. Your love gets bigger and bigger with each year.

People say all these comments yet there are thousands of couples out there heartbroken because they can't have a baby and I think it's purely ungrateful and insensitive when other mothers make negative comments about parenting. It's fine if they are talking about a real issue in their lives and are looking for support but not to go around telling other mothers that it's all going to be rotten!

Just know that what's right for you is right for you and perhaps don't share too much information or any information because birthing/babies/child rearing is an extremely opinionated and heated area so sometimes I think it's not worth even getting into conversations about it KWIM?

That's what I learnt to do first time around, TELL NOTHING and I stick to that principal to this day.

Actually I think the most frustating thing about having a baby is not the baby at all, its all the interfearance and so called "do-gooders" (and some are good, so I certainly don't discredit good advice :wink: )

Perhaps find one confidant you can talk things out with who has kids, that's also what I did... I had my friend Jeanette, this time around I have my friend Michelle...

Just keep to seeing things the way you do, forget everyone else, smile and nod and perhaps think in your mind "I rebuke those words"

Every mother goes through what you are going through so don't feel isolated!

ITA! I just don't tell my mother or inlaws or anyone anything about how I choose to raise Abby. I learnt that pretty quickly too. I can't even tell my husbands best friends mother anything. She always has some advice or comment to make :roll: The problem is that she asks me things though... so I don't know how to answer her. Is that just nosy or what? What does it really matter how I do things? She raised her kids her way and I don't agree with everything she did. But I don't tell her.
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