My 3-year-old son is really pushing my buttons lately. I really think it has to do with his 4-month-old brother. He was used to my attention and now it's divided. It's getting so bad that I'm about to make an appt. with his pediatrician. He's not physically mean to the baby but constantly bothers him like in the exersaucer or bouncy seat. I really think it's all about attention. I am a SAHM. I have read Christian books, secular books and searched the internet. Any thoughts, books or ideas that helped your oldest child deal with a new sibling would be great. Thanks.

Well, I always tried to engage mine by helping. Bringing me a diaper, fetching xyz, etc. We also had lots of talks where I pointed out all the benefits of being bigger, you can do ____ and ____ and _______. Also, try scheduling some time for you and dh (together or seperately) to do a big boy activity without the baby. My dh likes taking the kids for breakfast, pretty cheap and easy. I don't get out away from the baby as much but enjoy playing a game or reading books while baby is napping. Make a big deal about the fact that this is HIS time with you all, without the baby. Finally examine the motives behind his behavior with the baby. Is he meaning to bother or upset the baby? Seemed like he wasn't actively trying to hurt him from what I understood of your post. I've realized with my older kids that although they sometimes disturb the baby and ruin a calm moment for me, they are genuinely interested in her. I'd rather have that than have them not like her or ignore her. So, I put up with a fair amount of disruption as long as their motives seem to be pure.

If the motives seem less than positive and he's meaning to bother or disrupt for attention then I'd handle it much differently. If a child's seeking attention in a way like that then I'd advise punishing 'poor' behavior (but with little verbal interaction) like a simple spanking or time out, trying to ignore 'simply annoying' behavior, and trying to praise and give attention only for 'positive' behavior.

As an aside my favorite parenting book is "Shepherding A Child's Heart".

HTH,
Beth

Beth had some good ideas. I have 3 kiddos all about 2 years apart and we've ealt with this. They are 5, 3, and 1. The best advice I can give you, is get him involved with the baby just having fun. Play peek a boo, etc. Also spend one on one time with him just you and he doing something he likes to do. Do it while baby is napping so you aren't interuppted. That helps a lot if they are being naughty to get attention. He also may just want to play with the baby or see what he'll do.

Thanks for your replies. I should have posted more in my original thread. I do try to spend time w/ him during the day. The problem is the baby only sleeps for about 30 minutes at a time. However, yesterday he slept for 2 hours in the afternoon where I was able to spend a little more w/ my older son. I do time outs and spankings. My husband says I'm not consistent with him and that's why it takes him being told a few times. He started preschool for the first time this year and his teacher is not very encouraging about him. He's hit kids and is not a very good listener. Also at church he and a few others are "wild". It's just hard to not hear very good things about your kids when you feel you're doing everything you can.

I was going to "ditto" what Beth said.

And perhaps your dh is onto something...consistency really IS key. Kids are quick to find loopholes, I'm tellin' ya ;) You have to do your best to ensure there aren't any.

Your ds is at a training age...you need to run a tight ship in order to get and keep him on track.

I know, it's not always easy. Even less so with a demanding newborn. Just keep trying your best. Tighten up those reins a bit. Be consistent.

And praise the GOOD things! Positive reinforcement goes a long way too. Whenever you 'catch' him doing something good/helpful..PRAISE him for it "Wow, thank you for picking up your toys, you did an AWESOME job! That was sooooo helpful. You are mommy's big helper of the day!" Whenever he's being nice and loving to the baby "What a good big brother you are! That's being a big helper for mommy too. The baby loves you sooo much. Look how he smiles when you talk to him. :) "

Just keep hanging in there...it *will* get better..just keep working at it.

oh Teelee I know exactly how you feel. It is very hard we go through jealousy a lot a round here. It's also very difficult when my daughter is referred to as "energetic". Ha Ha we all know what that means. (crazy). There were two things that really seemed to help us. One thing we did was we let Liberty pick out what Ameliah was going to wear for the day. I know it sounds silly but it really helped. Kind of gave her some power I guess. The other thing we did was my husband once every couple of weeks takes her on a date. It is just the two of them and no one else is invited even me. They do whatever it is Liberty wants and the dreaded Ameliah word is never brought up. She is told however that their date is contingent on her behavior. I don't know if either of these will work for you but it's worth a shot.
Love,
Janie