Attitude with Tweens

[cmecu2]

Ok who is dealing with this right now? And what are you doing to nip it in the bud? My 11 year old dd has been out of control. We finally had to threaten her. DH told her that under no uncertain circumstances would we accept attitude and that it did not matter where we were he would spank her. And you know what it worked. She's gotten one spanking for the attitude since then and it's actually pleasant around here again. Groundings were just not working at all. There isn't really any natural or logical consequence to attitude for those that believe in gentle discipline. We've tried it all and this is the only thing that has worked.

So what do you do to deal with this?

[luvmy4sons]

I wish you could see me smiling and laughing and shaking my head. Not at you but in fellowship with you! :-D While our teen attitudes around here have not been enough to require spanking ( mine are older 18,16,13,12 and all boys) we have had our moments. I do have to give my sons that look that lets them know they have crossed the line. We have had to have good, stern discussions about proper boundaries and respecting each other. :???:

As they grow they test the waters. They have more definite opinions and seem not to be afraid to put voice to them. It is an interesting and often trying time! I see so much more of it in my future. I think it is good you nipped it in the bud. In the end children want the boundaries and we do them well by giving them to them. It is to their benefit to honor their mother and father that it might go well with them and that they might live long on the land. Keep the faith and keep up the good work. This is a great place to vent and find fellowship in your trials! :mrgreen:

[gen]

Im just subbing because my girls are 8 1/2 and I can see already the bad attitude trying to sneak in. I dont have any advice I just want to see what everyone else says. Im trying to lay down a 'foundation' where there are always lines of communication and praying about our (dh and mine) future relationship with our kids. I sounds like what you did was the right thing to do in your circumstances. I also try to model the right attitude with my kids but often catch myself out and have to apologise to them for being snarky. Hopefully, this is setting an example that they can look to. and to be honest, looking back, I can remember times when my girls have apologised to me for being snarky, off their own back.

[cmecu2]

Well we are still working at it. We tried eveything else before resorting to spanking for it. But it seems to have gotten her attention now. I think girls have worse attitudes than boys because of the whole hormonal thing with AF coming. I know that Emily and I are moody at the same time and it's not good. Travis is refereeing between us. LOL!

[gamommyto4girls]

Just wanted to say that I understand. My older two dd's are 11 and 9. Miss 11 has spouted a real attitude since beginning middle school this fall and that's one of the reasons we've been headed toward the homeschool route.

Sounds like you handled things well. I know all four of my girls are so different, some require harsher discipline than others. We always try taking privliges away etc. first, but sometimes that just won't cut it.

Our biggest problem lately is 'sneakiness', sometimes dishonesty, sometimes just evasiveness. Our oldest is also overly critical of me lately at times and it really can hurt.

Beth

[gen]

Yesterday we had a 'moment'. Now Ive heard somewhere that women give off pheromones (spelling?) during and just before af. Im due on in a week and the hormones are raging and I feel like a monster inside. Im a little touchy but not overly considering how I feel inside, I havent reacted to it, iykwim? I wonder if my hormones effect my girls especially. My DD(8 1/2) had a moment yesterday and here's how I handled it. It started off when my dd stomped off and had a 'tone' with me (ykwim by 'tone' I know you do! lol). She did it with Dh over the weekend too. He had a word with her. Yesterday I had a firm word with her. I took her aside, alone and said 'I want and expect you to speak to me and your dad with more respect'. I just laid down the expectation before her. She said sorry and we moved on. Well she didnt. She carried on with her back chat. Myself and the 3 kids (twin girls 8 1/2 and our lad who is 7) were playing with legos. Ds was upset bc someone broke his spaceship, you know how that goes. DD wouldnt drop it. I let ds have his spaceship back even tho the girls started playing with it. One had gone into his room, taken it apart and started building with it, all without asking. (lego's!! sigh). I gave her several chances. Finally I said 'DD!! THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!! DROP IT!!'. 'But'. And with that everyone had to go to bed. She had to go to bed straight away and the others had to help me clean up the legos. She started sobbing and talking about all these frustrations she is facing in school. They just came out. I knew all about them and I have to admit that I suspected she was just pulling the 'please feel sorry for me' card (even tho they are genuine frustrations) I still let her talk, while her sister and I put the legos away. I just calmly and firmly said to her when she had finished talking 'Its going to be ok. I know things are hard sometimes, but I know from experience, things will be ok'. She calmed down, said sorry and everyone still had to go to bed. (it was close enough to bedtime anyway). This morning it was forgotten about. Until the next time... lol.

[serenityhomestead]

I am dealing with this now, and it makes me want to pull all my hair out, strand by strand.[whatwacko][whatcrazy][whatheadagainstthe: Any other suggestions short of going to live on a deserted island?

[kanaclark]

we have moments like that with Gabe all the time. He's convinced himself that he's already a tween (he's almost 8, not 10 yet, but granted he does have a maturity level closer to that, and his size is, so he "fits" in better with the older kids, and they "rub off")
any-who, with him, and he being a boy may be different, but when he sees me cry or knows what he's done made me cry, he cries too and for nearly a week or so, he's good. Cycle repeat.
I have no problem if my kids see me upset, b/c I know that one day they'll be adults, and I don't want them living under the stigmata that "men don't cry", so brian and I both make sure they see us in mostly all emotions, as well as seeing us work through them. I think when he sees me hurt rather than mad, it makes him think, "hey, that hurt her, I shouldn't have said it", and then until he get's pre-occupied later, he remembers. But he is still young, and at these ages, you DO have to still remind them of things from time to time.

thats my take, at least,
~Kana

[stephwhiz]

Boy can I relate with you!! My 10 year DS "knows it all" at this age. His grades are dropping (he is gifted and has always had great grades up until this point), his lips are flapping and he can be down right annoying to be around at times. Me and his teacher both had a heart-to-heart with him this week and today he was MUCH better--PTL! He did get a spanking last Sunday for being mean to his sister and was grounded a couple of times this week too but today was a pleasant day and he didn't even gripe about having to go to Wal-Mart with me :mrgreen:. I bragged on him for his good behavior and he said he was trying to earn my trust back. Maybe, atleast for the moment, he is back to that sweet little boy I used to have![praying]