Discipline at Age 3

[mamallama]

My daughter is three and she tests me beyond belief! She just tries to see what she can get away with. We do not believe in spanking. We have tried time-outs which she is too old for, we have tried "quiet time" in her room, she's had her toys taken away, she gets withheld from doing certain activities, and we've made her go to bed early.

For those of you with children around the same age, what do you do?

[love2bmom]

Well our DS is 2-1/2 and we first re-direct him to something else. If he is directly defiant, we do spank. For small issues we time-out for 2 minutes (age of child), but for the big things we do spank and be sure to tell him we love him & why he was punished. We try not to spank in public. My MIL does not believe in spanking either, but I am a firm believer in, spare the rod spoil the child...

[soulmom]

i voted other because we use a combination of things. first is to remove the source of the disturbance or remove him from the situation causing the behavior (like taking away crayons when he colors on the table on purpose instead of his paper). if he throws a fit at this then he usually ends up in time-out.

we also use time out for bad behavior and not listening-like love2bmom said- he's 3 now so he gets a 3 minute timer. we start the time over if he continues to have a fit or cry or lash out while in time out. in two weeks he will be 4 and the timer will be increased to 4 minutes. he hates time-out so it's pretty effective.

as a last resort we spank, when he's been thoroughly warned and continues to willfully misbehave and disobey. afterwards we talk to him firmly but lovingly about what he did and why he had the spanking as a consequence. we use a plastic cooking spoon at home only, we don't spank in public.

public good behavior is occasionally rewarded with a little bit of bribery, like staying up 5 extra minutes or getting a quarter for the toy machine at the end of a grocery shopping trip.

lately we've caught him doing some pretty outrageous things, but it's like he does them just waiting for us to catch him to see what he can get away with. some days i feel so mean, like i only tell him "no!" for everything he is doing... I'll be praying for you and for all us mothers of preschoolers.

[love2bmom]

That is pretty much exactly what we do also.

[mamallama]

I say my daughter is "too old for time-out" because she just simply does not get that it is punishment. She views it as a game no matter how serious mom and dad are with her. She has had a particular time-out corner since she was old enough to need a time-out. But around the time she turned three in april, time-out were ineffective. She wouldn't stay in time-out for one. She either crawled away or sang and played (was irreverant) or (if we were in another room) she would get up altogether when she thought time-out should be over. We tried showing her how long she was to stay in time-out (on the clock), taking away any nearby distractions (ie: toys, tv, etc.), and even went and sat with her to keep her from getting up. But she would just laugh at us like it was a big game.

I really wish that we took to time-out. It would be a good way to discipline if only she viewed it as punishment. :roll:

(I guess I should have said that all the things we have tried in the post above were ineffective and I could really use some suggestions.)

[Godzgirl]

Well our DS is 2-1/2 and we first re-direct him to something else. If he is directly defiant, we do spank. For small issues we time-out for 2 minutes (age of child), but for the big things we do spank and be sure to tell him we love him & why he was punished. We try not to spank in public. My MIL does not believe in spanking either, but I am a firm believer in, spare the rod spoil the child...

DITTO!

[justmeNmine]

I voted other because my answer is all of the above; I found that my three year old had a similar recation to time-out, si I began telling him that I would not start the timer until he was sitting and quiet- I do three minutes on my oven timer- I use time-out for generally inappropriate behavior/wildness- it gives him a chance to settle down and act appropriately- he has also responded well to the concept of having his "thinking cap on"- I said it once an dhe grabbed on to it as a concept that he can understand- sometimes he refers to "it" as his listening cap and will pretend to buckle it on before getting up from time out.

I withhold toys/priviledges for misbehavior that relates to such toy/activity.

I spank when he is blatantly disrespectful to me or hurts his sister. I also have spanked him at bedtime when he just REFUSES to settle down.

I don't ever put him in his room as punishment; though I found that effective when he was twoish, he began having problems with sleeping in there after his sister was born, and I stopped using it as a space for timing out/calming down.

I also read about and tried a role-playing game with my son whereas I told him I'll be the kid and you be the dad- I acted out some of his common misbehaviors and he acted out being over-reactive to little things... it was interesting and he seemed to "get it" We have also "practiced" doing things like going in the house to use the bathroom, or leave the park nicely- we act the situation out until he gets it "right" (I think someone on here gave me the idea of role-playing situations to train him to have the appropriate reaction to what he is being told...) I think in recent weeks/maybe a month or two, I have found myself choosing my battles more wisely, and trying not to "sweat the small stuff." I try to have a positive attitude and make our days fun...

I know a lot of us say the same types of things; I hope it is helpful- If you can find the threads on Discipline and Grace-Based Discipline, they were real good ones that helped me a lot a few months ago...

We also use a combination of all of the above for the twins ( 3 1/2).

Spanks are for really bad things, but the biggest issue with them is that we carry through whatever the threat is so they know we MEAN it.

Currency is great - we find the biggest sucess with food in this area. If they are naughty they only get to drink water for the day, and get a really plain lunch and NO snacks/treats. We also take toys away, but since they have so many this is kind of a bit redundant, so not allowing them to watch favourite shows/DVD's works better.

We also have a naughty chair which we make them sit in and face the wall until we think they are ready to behave and then they are made to apologise for whatever they have done before they continue to play.

The reason they don't LIKE the naughty chair and it works well is because they know being "Naughty" is not a good thing, more so than the chair. We work on A LOT of praise for their good behaviour and so they don't like it when they are told what they are doing is bad/naughty.

We also keep some Kinder Suprise Eggs up in the pantry and Furry Friends Chocolates for rewards for particlarly GOOD days, we have found these have become REALLY desireable and they love to hear they have had a really "good" day, and when I tell Daddy after work, "the twins were so good today" then we give them a treat (this doesn't happen every day otherwise the technique would loose it's effect)

Whatever method of punishment a parent uses the children will always want to challenge it, or push your buttons to see if you mean what you say and we have found now they KNOW we mean what we say, the behavioural issues become less and less and we see them become more obediant.

[JohnnTimmysMom]

I agree with combo of things. The consequence fits the behavior so to speak. It also depends on the child. I have twins but they are so opposite...taking something away may work for one, but the other responds more to time-out. I use spanking when absolutely defiant or my husband spanks for unwise behavior at school, for example. I think the main thing is that you are clear about the consequence and consistent about it. Dr. Dobson's Strong-Willed Child is a great book for this kind of help!!!