friends

[mommyto3]

my daughter has a friend that lives around to the corner. (we live in the country so that is pretty close) the girl is the youngest of 4 siblings and can be really mean and spitful. she knows how to use her words to hurt people. my daughter has been hurt by this child before. but she still wants to play with her. the mom knows her child is like that and doesn't do much to correct the behaviour. there is very little supervision of the children playing at her house. my biggest problem is that kywnn wants to go there to play, and her dad and i don't want her to go there. (she often comes home and tells us that her friend was mean to her and called her bad names) we have told kwynn that this friend can come here to play, but this girl doesn't want to . i think that it is because i watch them more, and the friend can't get away with being mean. has any one else dealt with this issue. we know that we can't protect our daughter forever.

[luvmy4sons]

You can't protect your daugter forever but you can guard her mind and her heart while she is in her formative years. Their little light can't shine if it is too weak to avoid being snuffed out! The Bible tells us the bad company corrupts good morals. I think this applies at any age! As Christians our close friendships should be with only those who build us up and help us to be Christ like. Not that we aren't to associate with unsaved or unkind people! But my hubby and I always taught our children their choices of friends is VERY important. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. And a companion of fools( children) will come to harm! He who walks with wise men will be wise the Bible tells us!

My sons have a few acquaintances who are not like minded and have questionable language and practices. I always have them play and visit here within ear shot. I explain the rules of playing at our house and tell him I expect him to follow them. And he does. He every now and then asks for my kids to go down to his house. If they were young( under 10) I would never let them do that. I would accompany them if need be to keep peace in the neighborhood and not offend, but I would be there to assist my child in learning how to stand up for what is right. Now that they are older ( youngest is 10) I tell them they can go but only for 1 hr max and they are never aloud in the boys house, but must play outside and have a game plan for an activity.

It is not wrong to be sure your child is properly prepared and ready before associating with people who do not adhere to your standards. And no matter how old you get, if you walk closely with "bad company" it will corrupt good morals just as God's Word promises us. And as I tell my boys, "We can count on that law just like we can the law of gravity."

[Madre]

No, you can't protect her forever, but you can protect her now. You aren't telling Kwynn that she can't play with her "friend", but you are saying that if she wants to play with her, she needs to play with her at your house. I think this is a wise move. At your house, you can call the shots and control the environment. Obviously, this isn't an acceptable idea to either Kwynn or her friend, but that's ok. It's in your daughter's best interests and, probably in the best interests of her friend (who will learn that she can't be mean where and when she feels like it).

[imported_rachel]

Maybe also make a request to her youth group that they talk about what makes a good friend some week soon?

It's good she can so easily forgive her and still be her friend, but at the same time, hopefully she realizes that mean girls can be nastier- rumors, bullying, etc., esp. in a few years- like in Junior High.
Is she standing up to the girl when she's mean, biting back, or just "taking it"? It may be important for her, if she hasn't yet, to establish to this girl that her being mean isn't cool. Otherwise the mean girl may go into those hormonal years thinking your baby is hers to hurt, without consequence. {as it was in my case}

[luvmy4sons]

:D

[mommyto3]

rachel
for the most part she will just tell her friend that what she said wasn't nice and it hurt her feelings, and that friends don't treat each other that way. she doesn't retaliate, her friends mom has told us that she thinks that Kwynnie is very mature for her age, and that she doesn't stoop to julia's level. Kwynn is ok with julia coming to our house, it is julia that doesn't like coming over. when they are together at our house, we have planned activities ( crafts, baking etc) where i am completely involved, and some free play, where i am with in earshot. we have explained to Kwynn that some people's behaviour is not so nice and it makes mommy's and daddy's sad, awell as Jesus. but that she must follow our rules when she is outside of our house. and she does for the most part ( after all she is just a kid still) we have involved in church programs as well as community programs.
they were in the same class last year, but next year we have changed kwynn's school(for completely different reasons)

[imported_rachel]

Sounds like Kwynn is in much better shape than I was at that age- for speaking up. :)

[mommyto3]

she is a very self confident, easy going ,and outgoing child. we have always told her to try her best at everything you try and don't give up, and that mom and dad are always here for her, no matter what. we also are always telling her that we all love her so very much and so does God. she has always been this way right from the day she was born.

[luvmy4sons]

[quote="mommyto3"]rachel
for the most part she will just tell her friend that what she said wasn't nice and it hurt her feelings, and that friends don't treat each other that way. she doesn't retaliate, her friends mom has told us that she thinks that Kwynnie is very mature for her age, and that she doesn't stoop to julia's level. /quote]

What a sweet and precious girl. You must be proud of her! :D

[mommyto3]

we are very proud of her and tell her all the time.

[stephwhiz]

I had the same problem where we used to live. My dh was 6 and the little girl next door was 11 and would boss him around and be mean to him and ignore him when she didn't want to play with him and then run down to our house to play with him very well sometimes...very strange. Come to find out this little girl was left alone a lot and really needed to be around people. I felt bad because sometimes I would tell her to go home but I didn't like her being mean to him and didn't really trust her a lot. Now we have moved and we don't ever see her any more. Stephanie :D