Moms of sons, help please!

[jamma]

Okie dokie... my son will be three at the end of August. He is incredibly strong willed. sigh.

He's been potty trained for months and months and months. since about two months after his second birthday. He was even dry through the night most of the time, which I thought was great! (who wouldn't?)

Then he regressed a bit. He started waking up wet most nights... which was no biggie. We just put the trainers on him for at night. He sleeps a lot better with them on, and it's just nicer not to have to change bedding at two in the morning.

And now. now. grrrr... I don't know if he's just too lazy to go to thebathroom, or doesn't want to miss something or what. But he keeps on having sort of accidents. Where he'll wait too long and drizzle in his pants, then barely make it to the bathroom. If I see him doing the pee pee dance, and tell him it's time to go, or take him myself, then he will refuse to go, only having an accident not long later.

It is making me crazy!! I'm tired of cleaning up pee! Especially since he was completely potty trained not too long ago!

I really think this is a battle of wills. I'm not worried about the night time thing AT ALL. He's young to be trained at night, that's for sure. It just frustrates me because he'll be dancing around and holding himself, and refuse to go on the toilet. bah.

Thoughts? Anyone done this with their two year old???

I don't have a boy of my own, but I've taught many two year olds in the past who would wait till its too late...Even though they knew...We put them on a schedule...reminding them at certain times and making sure they went....Eventually they would tire of being told when to go and would go back to making the decision on their own....Also I think its normal with any kid to just consider themselves too busy...My nephew did this all the time for about the first five years...After that he had a medical problem that caused some trouble through age 10 but the first 5yrs with the pee pee he just didn't want to stop playing or watching tv or playing the video games...Good Luck!

[soulmom]

when my ds was refusing to poop in the toilet we tried every reward system in the book, but what ended up working was a negative consequence. on the advice of a respected friend and daycare lady we set up a "big boy" box. when ds had a "willful" accident we would take away his very favorite toy or game or movie and put it in the "big boy" box. he could earn things back by going poop on the toilet. man, he lost a lot of his stuff, but eventually gained it all back. the hard part with this treatment is that you have to do it consistently and never cave in even if he tells you he hates you because you took away his favorite ninja turtle! he knows what kind of behavior is expected of him, and by what you said he was already performing so it sounds like this is a willful behavior. i would never recommend this treatment of any child that is physiologically not ready or capable of being fully potty trained. good luck to you, you have my prayers too :D

[Reneemomto5]

Jamie, you know what my now 3 year old did the SAME thing right before he turned 3. But he wasn't potty trained for as long as your son. But suddenly I could just tell from the look on his face he had an accident. For some odd reason suddenly it was like he didn't want to use the potty. I got nervous thinking on no what's going on here.

But it was short lived, in about a week the accidents happened less, and about 2 weeks he was completely using the potty again. Every now and than he has a day or two which he goes poopy in his pants, but than he starts using the potty. I just grin and bear it through those times.

Hang in there, he'll come around. I don't know if its something they go through. But as far as going pee, I did write in another post how sometimes accidents can be because the child has a growing spurt and his bladder has to catch up. It happens.

[mommyto3]

to soulmom:
my son is 3 and is completely urine trained, but refuses to use the potty for a bm. our regions partent talk line ( runned by public health nurses ) also suggested the negative consequence. so when he poops in his pants, we take away one of his favorite toys, he actually has to go and get it and put it in the box. i know you said that your son lost alot of toys, but approx. how long did it take for him to earn them back? another thing that they suggested was to take away all of his toys and put them in boxes, telling him that he can get them them back one at a time when he poops on the potty. we opted to take the toy away. he is not happy about it. we also make it his responsibility to clean up, with parental; supervision, he also doesnot like this, at which point we say, if you poop on the potty, it will take less time to clean up.
my son has the stubborn dutch blood from both sides of our family and if he doesn't want to do something he won't do it. he is very large for his size, according to dr. he is the size of an average 4.5 to 5 yo and he just turned 3, which is starting to put pressure on us. people look at him and say, he's not completely trained what's wrong with him, and why haven't we got him trained yet. we just say look he just turned three in may.
it is very frustrating.

[gen]

Havent read thru all the other posts but Im still doing this for my daughter who is 7 now. She will do the same thing, (except refuse to go if I tell her that is, Oh she does that sometimes tho. :roll: ). When she needs a wee she needs to run for it. She had some tests done and it just seems there is something wrong with the bit that tells her brain she needs a wee until shes already a bit wet. It is something she will completely grow out of. So her bladder isnt always sending signals telling her brain she needs a wee. That is probably what is going on with your son. He may be doing the weewee dance but in his mind maybe he doesnt think he needs a wee. Sometimes Julie is just too busy having fun tho. I dont think its ever a case of a kid being to lazy to go to the toilet for a wee or a poo. I think there are other issues there, not psychological or anything but like chemical or brain message issues. I mean think about it, its quite embarrassing for a kid who wees him/herself, so its not something they enjoy doing or will prefer to do than go to the toilet, kwim?

[jamma]

I mean think about it, its quite embarrassing for a kid who wees him/herself, so its not something they enjoy doing or will prefer to do than go to the toilet, kwim?

Unfortunately, my son does think it's okay to have accidents! bah. I don't know, he is so wilful... the fact that he holds it even when i do take him to the bathroom myself? Only to have an accident a few minutes later??

[jwright]

Aaron turned 4 back in April and has probably been fully day time toilet trained for almost 1 year. He does that dance and I ask him if he has to go and he'll say "no". Other times I just tell him to go. Something that might help is if he's wanting something then tell him he can after he goes to the bathroom. I would do that with Aaron - he would want a drink or a video, etc. and I knew it had been awhile since he'd been to the bathroom so I'd tell him that he could do it after he went to the bathroom. That would usually work.

Maybe some Cheerios in the toilet would make it more fun to go?

I think it's normal for boys to digress and I think just staying consistent and not getting lazy (by putting him back into pull ups or diapers) is important. He may digress but don't you backslide on it.

I would also ask Aaron where it belonged - in his pants or in the potty (whenever he had an accident) and he knew the right answer so just reminding and encouraging him to do better next time.

Janell

[meg]

Hmmm. I really do think that a lot of kids just get so engrossed in what they are doing/playing with, and stopping to go to the toilet is just an inconvenience for them :roll:

I didn't have this happen with either of my boys - any accidents were truly accidents eg. being in a shopping centre and not getting them to the toilet on time :roll:, stuff like that. Sometimes I'd see them doing the wee dance while continuing to play, so I'd ask if they needed to go. They'd say no, then quickly shout "yes!" and run for the toilet. They'd just been too busy being kids to notice what their bodies were telling them. Remember, they are still getting used to listening to their bodies, and picking up on the cues it gives them :wink:

If he truly is just being stubborn, and you've ruled out bladder/uti's, then I would suggest soulmom's negative consequences idea, and see if you make progress with that :?

Praying for you Jamma! :)

[mumof2boyz]

I'd say we're in the same boots, jamma! Blake was also trained for a couple of months and now lately has regressed. A few things I noticed were that I was really negative about it and so I started to focus more on when he did go, than when he didn't. Also if you make it fun (someone mentioned cheerios in the potty), like I sometimes put toilet paper in and tell him to try and pee on it. I also noticed that I was asking him if he needed to go, rather than telling him, now we're gonna go. That may seem like a small thing, but I think it was telling him he's in control of mom. Things have been looking up - today he actually came and told me, and for about a week, he hasn't pooped anywhere but in the potty. He's had a couple of pee accidents, but he's improving. Hang in there! When I've been so discouraged, people always tell me: he'll be trained before he hits 1st grade!

[soulmom]

to soulmom:
i know you said that your son lost alot of toys, but approx. how long did it take for him to earn them back? ...we just say look he just turned three in may. it is very frustrating.

it's amazing how judgmental people can be. i'm sorry people react that way to your son, it's really no one's business but yours...

our ds went on with this for 6 months or so.
we were trying to finish potty training our ds before our new baby cam at the end of january, so we started the big boy box around thanksgiving. in january he ended up losing almost all of his christmas toys too. it was really discouraging. then the baby came at the end of Jan. and ds was exactly 3 1/2. we decided to give up for a while. i was too stressed with a newborn to fight with him about poop. so for a couple months we left all the toys in the boxes that were already there, but we stopped taking toys away. one day in march he sat to go potty and "accidentally" pooped too! he was so excited about it, but scared too. he didn't want to do it again and started holding it in for 3 or 4 days at a time. we had a few more poopy pull-ups (gag) but we started seeing his pattern and asking him if he was ready to be a big boy and wear underwear yet. if we heard him passing gas we would take him to go sit on the toilet for a while, just in case he needed to go. he protested that a bit, but eventually it helped him to just get the hang of relaxing on the toilet. we also offered m&m's as a reward for poops in the toilet along with getting a toy back out of the box.

a few days before easter he told me he wanted to try to be a big boy so we switched to underwear for daytime (still pull-ups at night). he had 2 poo accidents in his underwear after that, but mostly was good about going in the toilet. the last accident he had was on easter at my mom's house, so i just quietly took him in the bathroom, cleaned him up, and made no fuss at all about it, and made sure no on else said anything to him about it. i did not want to reverse the progress we had made by embarrassing him... anyways, about three weeks after that he told us he didn't want pull-ups anymore so we got him a thin vinyl mattress cover and let him pick out all new underwear at wal-mart. thankfuly he hasn't had any night accidents either.

one other thing i think that really helped was that we started praying with him every night for God to help him the next day to remember to be a big boy and put his poo and pee in the toilet so he could get lots of m&m's and toys! and wa made bg deals praising him when he did finally start getting it right and we added praises to our nightly prayers and thanked God for what a big boy he was becoming and for God to bless him for it.

just be patient. i know how hard it is and i hope any of this helps. I'll be praying for you mommyto3 and for all you other ladies too. i'm glad my older ds is done, and i hope that i remember these lessons for when i have to potty train my little one too.
:D

Aaron, who is 8 now, did this too. He turned 2 in Feb and I potty trained him that summer. He did wonderful for about 3-4 mos and then started having accidents again. A lot of them. I was so frustrated. We tried everything that was mentioned here. But what I found worked well for him was not making a big deal of the accidents. At first DH and I would fuss and tell him how he wasn't being a big boy, take things away, etc. But in the end when I stopped making a big deal about the accidents and started making a big deal over when he went in the potty, that seemed to work. Every child is different, but I do think that boys have this problem a little more than girls. I'm hoping that Ian will take notice of his big brother when the time comes to use the potty! :wink:

[breezykc2]

Another thought completely....you're expecting a new baby....many kids regress when a new baby is coming or arrives....trying to hold onto their "baby" spot! Reassurance and extra time one on one is recommended to help their fears and thus their behaviors improve!

[Rach]

constipation can also cause accidents.

Hopefully it's just a phase. I don't have any other helpful advice. I think the other C'Moms did a great job already :D

[Robynn]

Nah, I don't think it's anything more than...


they have come up with a conspiracy to drive us all insane!!!

(SHHH..Toby is 10, and still waits too long sometimes. I am hoping he outgrows it by the time he likes girls. Now he does his own laundry)