Anyone have one of these???? DIFFICULT CHILD??

[ThreeRedheads]

Ok, I have a five year old, extremely difficult child. She loves to ARGUE, DEBATE, FIGHT and just plain drive me crazy.
I feel I have tried everything. I am reading a book now, "Don't make me count to three". I am praying and praying and just giving her over to God. It seems she fights me on everything. She nags, complains, argues, whines...WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG??
Ok, don't answer that. We consider ourselves consistent parents. We take priveledges away, we do time out and yes, we spank. It is a really hard road with this strong willed, extremely sensitive, difficult child.
I feel like a HORRIBLE mother when I have to pray "Lord, help me to love my child like you do". Is that not insane? Then I beat myself up for being a horrible, inpatient mom!
Can anyone relate??
Please console!

[Reneemomto5]

Tracy, you know I can relate. I have the a strong willed one myself. I like you pray often for an extra dose of patience some days. Stop beating yourself up, you are a wonderful, caring, patient, and loving mom. You're being to hard on yourself. I just think being consistent is your best ally. Between that and prayer I am seeing slow progress with Logan. I believe he will always be my strong willed child, but I really think as they do get older you will start noticing a change too. And again I know you can relate however small that change-- its a welcome and grandly appreciated one.

Hugs and prayers....

[ThreeRedheads]

Thanks Renee,
I guess I hate the guilt!! Last week in church, the pastor spoke on giving things over to God. I know I need to do my best and then give the rest to Him. I struggle with the fact that I can not make her mind, no amount of threatening helps. We BOTH are strong personalities...I heard it recently when someone told me, "Allayna is very intense, like her Mama". That is the truth I guess.
I just want so desperately to turn these kids out right. I have to remind myself that no one said this was going to be easy.
Thanks for your support Renee..you are a true friend. (glad I returned, I needed this!)

[Reneemomto5]

Oh yes that word "guilt" I know it well too. And I just want to do this right part too.

This is for you Tracy, I was sent it from a friend in an e-mail and thought this is a good thing for all us moms to remember.

GOOD DAY

THIS IS GOD

I WILL BE HANDLING

ALL YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY.

I WILL NOT NEED YOUR HELP.....
SO, HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
(Prov. 3:5)

[ThreeRedheads]

Perfect!
I am going to print that and post it several places in my house!
Thanks

[luvmy4sons]

Ok, I have a five year old, extremely difficult child. She loves to ARGUE, DEBATE, FIGHT and just plain drive me crazy.
I feel I have tried everything. Can anyone relate??
Please console!

Here is a hug! [hug] And here is your consolation! Yea! [claploud] You got a leader on your hands! She will grow up to be decisive and inspiring and able to direct others! In the meantime mom do not lose heart. " Do not weary in well doing for you shall reap a harvest in due season if you faint not" When she is difficult remember both of those things, "Do not weary in well doing..and...I've got a leader! " Oh and by the way, just think of what God is bringing about in YOUR character through this! Oh, sorry...maybe that is not encouraging! [rofllolblurb] But He is! So keep up the good work and hang onto Jesus! [girlsmiley]

Also..I had a monster first born till 6 or 7 and now at 16 he is WONDERFUL! He takes charge and leads and is responsible and obeys me and is my right hand man! I don't know what I will do when he leaves for college I depend on him so much! [OKOK]

[ThreeRedheads]

I have to keep telling myself that! My dd is a gift, she is. I just need to remember that in the big scheme of things. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
What I need to do, is stop and thank the Lord for her. She is smart, adorable, sensitive and deep.
Thanks for the encouragement and hugs!
I am writing that verse down too!
Any more??

[love2bmom]

THANKS FOR THAT UPLIFTING POST LESLIE. I ALSO HAVE A VERY STRONG WILLED LIL' BOY. I REALLY TRY TO GIVE IT OVER TO GOD. BUT THE FLESH IS MOST OF THE TIME STRONGER THAN THE SPIRIT AND FIND MYSELF YELLING OR FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. EACH DAY IS A NEW DAY & WE ARE FACING THE CHALLENGES IN STRIDE.

[ThreeRedheads]

I can relate. It takes real control and effort on my part to NOT yell at my dd.
I don't want to. It often just happens.
I hate that about myself. Every night I have to pray "Lord, take my mistakes and show my how to fix them. The ones I can't, please fix."
It is comforting to know other moms are with me and I can be honest!
Thanks girls!

[love2bmom]

I do find myself yelling and then ten minutes feeling horrible. I have really tried to give this over to God & with his help I will learn how to redirect my emotions & instruct my children in an uplifting way. We all need to keep each other in prayer. Thanks for the post :D

[angiegm]

i have two like that and feel like such a bad mom at times....prayer.

[ThreeRedheads]

Angie,
Well believe you, me..YOU are not alone.
It is hard to not feel like a bad mommy. It seems that is what satan wants, is for us to beat ourselves up! I will pray for you, I know it is hard. Goodness, I just have ONE strong willed child. My son is the COMPLETE opposite!
Prayers coming your way!

[SpiritFilledMomof2]

Ok, I have a five year old, extremely difficult child. She loves to ARGUE, DEBATE, FIGHT and just plain drive me crazy.
I feel I have tried everything. I am reading a book now, "Don't make me count to three". I am praying and praying and just giving her over to God. It seems she fights me on everything. She nags, complains, argues, whines...WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG??
Ok, don't answer that. We consider ourselves consistent parents. We take priveledges away, we do time out and yes, we spank. It is a really hard road with this strong willed, extremely sensitive, difficult child.
I feel like a HORRIBLE mother when I have to pray "Lord, help me to love my child like you do". Is that not insane? Then I beat myself up for being a horrible, inpatient mom!
Can anyone relate??
Please console!

Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. I could have written that! I think I did somewhere [whatthink] Anyway, your are not alone! I'm in the same exact situation with my DD. She is 6 and has been strong willed since she came out of the womb. (She came out giving dh and I the finger, I have the picture to prove it! :oops: ) I know what you are going through. The guilt has to be the worst. I'm ALWAYS comparing her to other children who I see are very well behaved and I just think what am I doing wrong??? I know I'm doing everything I can to bring her up in a Christian home. One thing I have to remember is that God made her the way she is for a reason. It is my job to shape that will of hers to do the Lords work. Some days are harder than others. I have done everything that you have mentioned, timeouts, no privilages, spanking, etc. It doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. Something I do is that I am constantly praying over her, when she's awake and when she's asleep. I constantly pray for God to give me wisdom and guidance. I have also read some good books. I would recommend "You Can't Make Me" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. This was an Excellet [OKOK] book! It explains what goes on in the head of a SWC and how we can talk to and get through to them. It really explained alot and has helped me to understand my daughter. A couple more good books I recommend are "When You Feel Like Screaming" by Pat Holt & Grace Kettermane, M.D. Also by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias & Carol Funk is "Bringing Out The Best in Your Child". This one isn't specfically for SWC's but it has some good stuff. "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel has some good stuff and then there is of course James Dobson's "The Strong Willed Child" (he also has an updated version, "The New Strong Willed Child". Hope some of this helps. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to just vent. I know exactly what you are going through. There have been days when DH and I have just looked at each other totally baffled about what to do!

[mamallama]

Ok, I have a five year old, extremely difficult child. She loves to ARGUE, DEBATE, FIGHT and just plain drive me crazy.
I feel I have tried everything. Can anyone relate??
Please console!

Here is a hug! [hug] And here is your consolation! Yea! [claploud] You got a leader on your hands! She will grow up to be decisive and inspiring and able to direct others!

ITA with luvmy4sons! Imagine how you can shape and mold that strong will and determination for the glory of the Lord?! You will have a child that will lead souls to Christ. [crossheld] Keep up the good work, mom! :D

[ThreeRedheads]

Thank you. I appreciate the support. I guess it is hard to think of that when I am arguing with a five year old. :cry:
Thanks for your prayers everyone!
Today was an excellent day! Quite the little girl she was...I felt proud of my five year old! Thanks for your prayers.

YES We have a 3 and a half year old lawyer in our midst.
I have learned to say no, not get into a big argument with her and walk off if she wants to persist.

If she begins to argue initially, I take her hands and pull her into eye level with me and say "This is the way it is (explain the situation)" and inform her we are not having a debate. She is incredibly strong and has always known what she wants from a small age.

If they say silly threats like "I don't love you anymore if you won't do such and such" my friends told me to say "that's very sad" and walk off and not get into it.

DD has something to say about everything such as "put on your clothes" can turn into a big escalation. I just say point blank "Yes you are wearing this, you are getting dressed or we are not leaving the house/you may not go outside to play"

The only advice I can say is in the words of Winston Churchill Never, never give up

Hope peace returns to your house soon

xoxo Aussie Mum

[ThreeRedheads]

Thank you Aussie Mum!! Today there was peace!!
I like your advice..it is hard to carry out. I find myself saying, "I am not arguing about it...then when she goes on an on, I say...IF YOU SAY ANY MORE ABOUT IT...YOU WILL>>>BLAH< BLAH< you know, I say threats like, no tv for a week...you get the drift.
My major thing is getting so frustrated, I yell. I hate that about myself. I loose control. I hate that I yell!!! It takes every ounce of my being to remain calm..then I explode. I am a very dramatic, sanguine with a big mouth I guess. She is a lot like me. I guess we fight for control.
Today was good though, dd went to bed happy..and I feel in love with her again..
thanks!! On to tomorrow!!

[momohnc]

Hi-I know exactly where you are coming from! thankfully we are in a good phase now, but I know, it does wear you down and make you feel terrible. We talked to a psychologist just yesterday, and he recommended a book called"123 Magic" by Thomas W. Phelan. Of course, they say not to spank, which I do not agree with, but we are going to try it, with that modification. I believe there is a time and place for spanking, and if she is being hard-nosed, blatantly disrespectful in my face, I don't think time out is enough. My husband says we'll do spanking for really serious offenses. I had read before about not counting (what this book tells you to do to get them to stop a behavior) because it teaches them that they don't have to obey immediately, but we'll try it. The author says 2 things we mess up on are talking to our kids too much during discipline and getting too emotional. I struggle with both! It is so hard to not get drawn into an argument, I know. Our daughter can push my buttons big time. Anyway, hope this helps! I'm sorry you've been having a hard time.
Hollie

[BlessedMommy]

My Dh and I have been reading a book on child raising and this is the one piece of advice that we picked up from it. I'm going to make a Ruthaphrased paraphrase of it.

"When your child provokes you, don't react immediately. Separate into a different room and pray about it and ask God to give you wisdom. Wait until you're calm. Then when you're able to deal with them and reason with them lovingly and in a Christlike way, sit down and discuss it with them later in the day."

I can't say that DH and I will always perfectly apply that advice but we thought that this was a beautiful ideal to shoot for. We all fall short so often and it's important not to beat ourselves up for our failures, but to continue praying for a Christlike attitude in dealing with the situations that come and to ask forgiveness when we fall.

Not being at that stage myself, I can't offer any personal experience, nor can I emphasize, but HUGS to all you brave moms. Child raising is so challenging, especially with a strong willed child. (I was the strong willed child with my parents growing up, still am a strong willed wife with my DH)

[ThreeRedheads]

Thank you for your advice. I need to do more praying for sure. I fall short every day and I know God's grace can cover my mistakes.
Congrats to you and your new baby to be in a few weeks!! Your little baby will be so better off having parents like you who take the time to pray and read parenting books. We parents need all the help we can get. God bless!!

Angela's NICU nurse referred to her as " the fireball in crib 8 " :shock:

I understand and you have my prayers...

Sometimes its just fun to see what they come up with...Like lately when asked to do something, Angela will ofcourse ignore :? , and when asked a second time she'll give a long drawn out explanation as to why she shouldn't have to do it," I'm just a young child. Some parents don't have their children do any chores. You should be happy with what I do..." :evil: and when asked a third time or threatened :twisted: she will say

" I have no recollection of you staying that to me. "

Really tries on the patience :x ...But I try hard not to argue with her and as Leslie stated, I just try to focus on the positive aspects that will come as she learns to control her gifts... :? That day has yet to come soon enough :wink: