Potty Training Woes

[mamallama]

Please pray for me. I need strength and any suggestions, stories, hugs, etc. are welcome as well.

A little background on my three-year-old daughter. We started potty training her almost exactly ONE YEAR AGO. :shock: Then came baby brother 10 months ago. All progress ceased right then and there. So I was busy with the baby and she had been flat out defiant and wanting to be a baby just like brother. So we put potty training on hold for a while. I kept waiting for her to come around and waiting and waiting... It seems she is perfectly comfortable in her pee pee and poo poo pull ups. She will not show any signs of needing to go so we cannot take her to the potty in time. Meanwhile we are spending about $40 a month on pull ups just so she can pee/poop in them. :(

I have been looking into ways to cut our grocery costs and after reading a few posts on those of you who just quit buying pull ups altogether, I thought I could do it too. We are using thick training pants (panties) and vinyl pants over them. So far it keeps the mess at a minimum but she doesn't seem any more excited about the whole process. I have resorted to using the same diapers as her brother for nighttime and outings simply because they are cheaper. (He is a big baby and they have about the same size bottoms believe it or not. LOL)

So I've tried it all: bribary, rewards, going naked, little potty, making her sit on the potty (which in turn makes her cry :( ), I've read books for me and books for her, etc. etc. etc. I've done research and have thought that I did it all the way I was supposed to. So why do I have a child who simply resists the potty?

[Reneemomto5]

Praying for you first of all.

I am one of those that never used pull-ups because they just seemed to me an expensive diaper. (just my opinion) I would suggest keep vigilant. I would let her just run naked or just with a regular pair of underwear on so she feels everything. She may make a mess, but I would think in time she would realize it isn't much fun for mommy to have to bath her and change her over and over. With potty training we tried to stay at home. But if we had to go out I just would bring 2 changes of clothes if I had to, many times shoes and socks too.

Don't beat yourself up, some children learn early and other a little later. If it really concerns you maybe a trip to the peditrician to be sure everything is okay. Also she may just have a small bladder. I have heard many times that sometimes children grow faster than their bladders and in time the bladder will catch up. Has she gone through a big growth spurt? And she will adventually grow out of this I promise.

Praying for you, hang in there. Hoping other moms can offer you their advice too.

[Madre]

I sometimes wonder if kids being resistant to potty training is a way for them to be in control. Our youngest wouldn't go #2 in the toilet for love or money. Yes, I admit, we forked over the $ for pull-ups (so that may have been part of the problem). Finally, it happened! :roll:

[love2bmom]

I'm there with you !!!!! My son is 2-1/2 and is really not going along with the whole potty ideal. Don't fret.. My mom raised seven of us and none of us are still wearing diapers. I firmly think the pull-up idea is a no-no, but we all try anything. I actually have a full pack still up on the changing table. We have a 3 month old lil girl & we put all of the training on hold for that also. I thought I had a break through the other day, he went up to the potty & went #1. So I thought ok, lets do the underwear deal.. well that lasted about 1 hour. He didn't go in his pants, but he wanted his diaper back on?? My nephew will be three in three weeks & they are having the same dilema with him. I think with us, DS needs to cut out all the liquid he takes in. Well we can pray for each other & just remember, this too will pass and we will look back on these times and wonder where the time went. I know - YEA RIGHT! Keep me posted on any progress.

[Madre]

Don't fret.. My mom raised seven of us and none of us are still wearing diapers.

Well we can pray for each other & just remember, this too will pass and we will look back on these times and wonder where the time went. I know - YEA RIGHT! Keep me posted on any progress.

You really will look back and wonder; I kid you not. Mine are either grown or almost grown and it happened in the blink of an eye. (Not a one of them wears diapers either. :lol: )

[mamallama]

I need to vent.

I am seriously feeling like giving up. She does not want to use the potty. It is starting to feel more like punishment to her. She cries every time I ask her to go and especially when I make her sit on the potty. Every time I catch her showing *any* signs of needing to go or after a meal, she will sit in the potty for about 20-30 minutes at a time. Then when she gets up and gets dressed, she immediately pees in her panties. It's almost as if she is holding it. When I don't catch her using it in her panties until later, she seems perfectly fine to sit in her soiled panties. IT DOES NOT BOTHER HER TO BE DIRTY. I just don't get it.

I have tried the suggestion to go naked in the house. But she is already old enough to feel embarrassed not to have clothes on and it is humiliating to her. So I am at a loss as to what to do.

I feel like this is causing stress on everything we do. Her little years go by so fast and I just feel like putting diapers on her and enjoying her without all this stress. I know it sounds like I am giving up. But, honestly, it has been over a year since we first started this battle.

[Reneemomto5]

Oh honey, than just STOP. It seems like she is a strong willed one. I have one of those age 6 now. I really would just put things on hold. Its not worth all this stress really its not. It's not this hard and she is obviously just not quite ready. And you know what- she may be by next week or next month.

Just give you and her a much needed break from it all. Your not giving up, just giving it time. You and she will know when you are ready.

Hang in there, your a great mom. This is just one of those things that sometimes comes in time for some children. Please don't beat yourself up.

Keep us posted okay. Praying for you.

[justmeNmine]

A few weeks ago my son was doing pretty good with pee but not pooping in the pot; in fact he would pull down his own pants and poop on my floor; I too got stressed out, got him stressed out, etc.... it seems like what worked the best was when i finally told him, I am done! I'm not telling you to go poop, I'm not telling you to sit on the pot- you are a big boy, you know where it is and when you want to be big (like his best friend) you go right ahead... it was like it HAD to be his idea- he went poop the next day and ever since... with the pee, he did the very same thing of losing interest when his baby sister came along- shortly thereafter I stopped buying pullups (he LOVED the designs on them and thought they were big boy pants) and bought him his size of the same diapers his sister had.... well, he didn't like them and didn't like "laying down like a baby" to put them on- I started with morning of not having one (he was dressed and had undies) then I'd put a diaper on for nap and the rest of the day- When he was diaperless I cued him to go pee in the pot, every hour on the hour- sometimes it was too long and he peed himself but he learned to hold out for the potty- we used 3 m&m's as a treat every time he went. Soon enough, we stopped the diaper after nap, the diaper at nap and the diaper overnight (his idea)... As we were in this process I told him that when he had no more diapers I wasn't buying anymore, that I wanted to buy him some new special undies, which I did.... I think I let it be mostly his idea, and was SO excited at every success (um, I can't say I did awesome on the staying calm at every accident, especially when it seemed to be on purpose) I may have not worked so hard at it if I wasn't planning on having him start a preschool program in the fall... Hang in there- I think aometimes older siblings don't feel it is very rewarding to be "big." Throughout this process I stressed SO much how proud I am of my big boy, and all the special things he gets to do that his sister can't do yet.... She'll egt it eventually and going back to diapers may actually work to encourage her... Best wishes, keep us posted...

[Godzgirl]

Question, for those of you that say pull-ups is a no-no then what do you use instead? I myself don't want to use the pull-ups anymore because it doesn't seem to help so what do i do?

[love2bmom]

We are still using diapers. He either goes around in the bum, wears underwear or a diaper. There is no sense I feel in the extra expense of pull-ups. Think about it you are trying to teach them to go in the potty, not their pants. If you prefer pull-ups go for it.

[LaDonna]

Ok our oldest daughter who is almost 3 1/2 we started potty training almost a year ago :shock: After 3 days she was able to tell us when she needed to go and sometimes go by herself... [claploud] well that was short lived :cry: It has been an uphill and down hill journey until just recently. I talked to a friend of mine who has twin girls a year older than our dd. We were talking about how hard it is sometimes to get the kids to pick up after themselves. Well her and her husband started giving their girls like a nickel apiece after they picked all the toys up every evening. I promise I am getting to a potty training point. :D Any how we started doing that with our dd and it worked she picks up her toys and if she doesn't then she doesn't get the money. We also marked on the calendar where she could see it the end of every month and she would then take her money and go shopping. Well I thought maybe this could work with the potty training. So every time she would pee in the potty and still stay dry she gets a penny [claploud] but if she has an accident she gets it taken away. When she poops she gets a "diamond" (what she calls a dime) it has worked wonders she is not having any accidents. In fact she is even taking naps and waking up dry. I went to Hobby Lobby (local craft store) and bought a jar with a lid and lots of foam stickers and she and I decorated it together and she calls it Madyson's Mad Money. We have only been doing this for one month and it has worked so well. She got to go on her first trip today with a little over $7 and bought herself a Ballerina Barbie and a little zebra. Hope this may give you and idea. Good luck!!!!!

[LaDonna]

We also still use pull ups but only for night time and even then she is waking up dry in the mornings. I am still not quite ready to put her in panties during the night until she has gone a little longer dry.

[mamallama]

Here's an update since we started using panties last Friday:

Gracie has been a little reluctant at times, but over-all she has progressed very well. She has really surprised me. She has went in the potty five times (including one poopy) since we ditched the pull-ups. I'm a believer now that pull-ups only encourage them to use the potty in their pants. Or at least - that was the case with my daughter. We are using cotton panties with vinyl panties on top around the house and diapers at night and during outings (simply because she refuses to use public potties at this point).

Also, I have totally changed my outlook on this - thanks to my wonderful, compassionate DH who offered some helpful advice this weekend. Sometimes it helps to have someone "on the outside looking in" (so to speak) to offer suggestions. Let's just say that I have learned to go with the flow, be more laidback and we pulled out the steamvac we bought on HSN a while back! LOL :lol:

I'll keep ya updated. And HAPPY 4TH OF JULY! [flagus]

[mamallama]

One thing I do want to mention is that it really helps to understand what is going on in your little one's head. My Dh and I started noticing that my DD would get upset and somewhat defiant at times about us asking her to sit on the potty. FINALLY after a lot of stress and tears, we realized that she only acted that way when she had an accident in her panties. If she was dry before sitting on the potty she was fine and happy to do it. But if she had an accident, she was embarrassed. So I started asking her if her panties were dry instead of asking her to go sit on the potty every hour.

It has made a big difference and I ALWAYS stress that accidents are okay. I say that we all have accidents one way or another and that she should keep trying. I praise her often and tell her that I am so proud that she is being a big girl. I give her lots of hugs and she gets stickers on a chart everytime she uses the potty or even if she goes through the motions of sitting, flushing, washing hands, etc. But when she makes something in the potty I make sure I give her a special treat so she knows that she is doing good. The more times she makes something in the potty (per day), the better her treat is. (ie: once - sticker, twice - 2 m&m's, three times - fruit snacks, four times, special toy (something small - $1 or happy meal toy), etc.)

Just thought this might be helpful to someone else reading this thread. Thanks for the support, ladies! :D

[love2bmom]

GREAT, I am thrilled to hear things are going well. More incentive for me & great ideas. I guess we just sometimes have to bring it down to their level :P

[mamallama]

Well the holiday threw us off yesterday because we spent most of the evening at the park and she refused to use the toilet there. (Can't say I blame her. It was icky. :( ) BUT she did go pee pee on the potty first thing this morning after sitting there for quite a while. [claphigh]

Vanessa - we didn't want to use pull ups either, so I got those terrytowelling training pants and just plain under pants. They seemed to love the different pictures on the underpants, it seemed to be an exciting incentive.