Any suggestions on how to help my 25 month old DD learn how to be gentle with her new baby brother? She really loves him, which is great... but scary!!! If he's sitting in his bouncy seat, she'll often come running up and stop herself by plowing into his belly, she'll squeeze his cheeks, pull on his hands and feet, etc. I think she's finally learned not to poke his eyes! I feel like whenever she's around him, I'm constantly saying "Be careful, Renee! No, don't pull his leg, pat him gently. No don't pinch his belly" etc. Or she gets him a toy, and throws it in his lap! I don't want to make her feel like she can't touch him! BTW, he loves her too and he's rarely cried, even when I think it looks like it hurts and I would cry! :) But I don't want it to get to the point where she does hurt him. I do try to praise her when she is gentle, but that doesn't seem to be enough, and I have spanked her when she deliberately does something I've just told her not to do. Any great ideas? How can I teach her what's a great way to play with little brother and what is not?

Hmmm, I think I may have the same situation this coming April although, I guess we'll wait and see! Sometimes when my ds does something to me that hurts I've done it back to him to help him realize that he hurt me. Of course I don't make this the norm, but I did do it when he was in the pulling hair phase. It was interesting for him to realize it hurt me and he stopped doing it right away. Of course, I don't suggest doing this all the time (duh!) but it may help every once in a while...I'm interested to see what others say!

just keep gently reminding and showing her how to touch softly
she'll catch on ; )

I have 25 months between my boys too. What I used to do was gently hold my eldest's hand, and stroke it softly saying "gentle, gentle" while smiling at him. Then I would give him my hand and say "Your turn, show mummy gentle boy". At first his gentle wasn't quite gentle, lol, but he very, very quickly got the hang of it. At different times he would come up to me and gently stroke my hand or face and I'd praise him and cuddle him "good boy, good boy for showing mummy gentle". When he did get a bit excited, I'd use a really calm voice and just say "Come on, show mummy gentle boy", and it pretty much worked every time.

just keep gently reminding and showing her how to touch softly
she'll catch on ; )


Ditto! I have kids that are 2 years apart and this is what we did with our oldest when our youngest was born.

alright, you all are making me feel like a terrible mother!!
=(

Oh Kate...
I've done that 'pull their hair' trick too. If they've done something to me.
I've not had any of my kids be 'mean' to the baby though. The most they get is a lovable mauling LOL Or the fingers toward the eyes stuff. In those cases I just say "no no be gentle" "no, no touching eyes, you'll hurt the baby" while moving their hand away..making sure the elder is looking at me when I say it. Oh, my babies get lots of head rubbings haha I have to slow those down lest the elder rub the baby's hair all off LOL

But oh yes, if my child were to pull my hair or pinch me, I'd do it right back. It only takes a time or two ; )

When patrick was a "baby" we would remind Bri, "no. you're gonna hurt him" things like that. Now, that Pat is 1, whatever. If they kill each other this young.....
Nah, just kidding, but yeah, they're boys, so I don't get much involved now, b/c it's mostly play, and, well, let's face it, they're gonna get rough.

But pinching, Bri pinched me yesterday, I pinched him back. Patrick bites, I bite him back. Hair, I pulled theirs and they never learned, but with biting and pinching, yup, they learned, and real quick.

Now, one time, gabe stuck his finger in patrick's eye when pat was just a wee one. I stuck my finger in Gabe's eye back. Not the best idea, but it worked. :-)

Thanks, Tara and Kana! I was beginning to think I was the only one! Whew!!! Kana, you're hailarious!! Killing each other....hehe!

Oh i'm with you gals all the way. Like Tara said my daughter wasn't trying to be mean to the baby just needed to learn to be gentle is all. Put oh yeah if kids are pulling hair or biting or something then yeah i do something about it. Sorry about the misunderstanding Kate.

Thanks you guys for the good advice - Meg, I have been trying to stress the "gentle" and praise her for being gentle, and that seems to help. Today she was playing with him, patting him nice on the cheek, and she said "gentay!" which I think means gentle. :) today a friend of mine from church said when she brought her new baby home, she found her older daughter standing on top of her in the stroller! talk about heart-stopping moments! at least that hasn't happened to us!

Aaaaw, sounds like she's trying hard to be gentle :). And, yes, I think my heart would have stopped to find my eldest standing on the baby, lol.

There was one time, the first time he saw me breastfeeding after we got home, when he ran towards us, crying, saying "Don't bite my mummy" and tried to pull baby off me by his head *insert horrified fainting smiley*. It's funny now, 6.5 years later, but at the time, it hurt! Thankfully he stopped as soon as I said "No, no, he's not biting, stop pulling". I then explained, again, the whole breastfeeding thing, but he didn't believe me until he saw me expressing milk, lol.