Invades their personal space

We have a slight problem in that everytime my FIL interacts with our twins he invades their personal space. He pushes his face right into theirs and nuzzles them which is fine but he is a huge guy with a largish head and after doing this more than once the twins do not enjoy this attention.
He has been told to back off by MIL and even then doesn't listen.

I am not quite sure how to handle this situation without being rude, or even being able to get him to listen since he won't even listen to his own wife about this issue.
He also makes stupid repetative comments which we have ALL (DH, MIL) asked him to stop making them but he keeps going till the twins become frustrated and cry and yell at him.

My DD finds it intimidating and I am concerned now because neither of the twins particularly like him due to this behaviour.

It's just a sad position for a grandad to be in when he's not listening to anyone about what is making the twins finding off putting KWIM?

[JoyLynn]

Aussie Mum, I'm a major communicator, so I would just step in and say something. I think if you say it lightly like it's no big deal, they don't take offense as easily. I'd say something like, "The kids start to feel uncomfortable when people get too close in their space and stay there. If you make your loves quick and then step back they'll like it better." I don't think you can leave you child's security up to anyone else but you and your husband. You should always be watchful of how your little one is feeling around someone else and don't question yourself for a second if you need to step in on their bahalf. If fil says upsetting things, you draw the line and say, "I think he/she is getting upset. Let's stop now." Intervene as often as necessary. I wouldn't put their precious boundaries in his hands. He doesn't seem to have very healthy ones himself. We need to be watchful and protective of our little ones until they can and will stand up for themselves.

Sorry to get all preachy on you, friend. :wink: [preach]


Joy [welcomewave]

Awww can't I just slip him a laxette ROTF

[JoyLynn]

Yes! I would highly encourage that, but in conjunction to the firm enforcing of boundaries.

As for laxettes... I hear the chocolate ones can be easily disguised in a chocolate cupcake. :lol: Don't forget to leave a can of air freshener in the bathroom!


Joy [welcomewave]

:lol: [rofl]

Now to the problem... I know what you mean. I can see FIL being exactly like that when Abby is older. He is already annoying LOL
He gets in MY face when he's talking to me so I can only imagine... :evil:

I do know that they don't listen unless the MOTHER tells them. I have experienced it. Paul can tell his dad not to do this or say that and he is like "what she doesn't mind". Little does he know... It takes ME saying it before he gets the message.

I don't mind a grandfather being affectionate with his grandkids but their is a line KWIM. And if he crosses it I WILL make sure he knows it.
I am not talking about sexual abuse (but that counts! Oh boy he better not ever go there) but he taps my shoulder or puts his hand on my shoulder when he is talking to me and he is VERY affectionate towards Abby already. He kisses her on the cheek or forehead and gives her big hugs and that's ok for now... but I don't know about that when she is 4 or older. It just isn't something I see the need for or understand ... probably because of my past ... I am so over-protective of her. And he doesn't do himself any favours by comments he has made to me in the past. So I am freaked out by him... and Abby will NEVER be left alone with him anywhere. I completely trust my own father... but I KNOW him. KWIM
And the way my FIL acts towards me and by the things he has said ... he has basically taken away all my trust in him. Even my sister says he creeps her out.

Renee

if your warning bells ever go off about anyone that could be the Holy Spirit, so don't feel bad about acting on your gut instinct there.

We have a few relitives DH and I BOTH agree we will NOT allow around our children. Esp two of his male cousins in particular. The two male cousins have a sister with 2 daughters and I seriously WORRY about those girls safety around the two Uncles and other relitives.

When One of the male cousins was younger (but in his teens and old enough to know) he asked his sister (the mother of the 2 girls) to remove her clothing for him and he would pay her for the exposure - HIS OWN SISTER.

I don't want them even near my kids on Christmas Day.

Warning bells don't go off about FIL, in that light I just think he's inconsiderate in general.