suggestions for competitive son

[love2mom]

Help please! I need some ideas for building confidence and resilience in my son. He will be 4 in July, and gets very discouraged and gives up quickly if he meets an obstacle or fails when he tries something. Eg. - #1 - isn't as good at hockey or soccer as his friend (whom I babysit 2x week), so he slumps his shoulders and stops trying
#2 - gets frustrated with his attempts at drawing letters
#3 - gives up fast when trying to ride his bike

I encourage the dickens out of him, remind him that God only asks us to do our best, not to attain perfection, and also remind him that doing things perfectly takes a long time and a lot of practice, but he just gets into tantrum mode, which doesn't work with me.

He is in bed now after a morning full of this, napping off the attitude. Any ideas of how to build up confidence and resilience? Real life is full of disappointments and failure, and I want to lovingly help him be prepared to go through it and be content with how God made him and the things he can or can not do.

Please post your ideas, suggestions, or things you have tried.

Chris

[luvmy4sons]

Yeah. I get that. I have 4 and when they were younger it was hard on the one just under the oldest because he wasn't as coordinated. I did a lot of devotions on pride. How important it is to not be proud of what we can do well because it is simply a gift of God and neither should we be ashamed or upset at things we can't do well. Talk about how important it is to appreicate how God has made us. We don't make fun of others and we shouldn't despair over ourselves either. That is insulting to God. And all of us together make up different talents and each contribute different things.

I did many devotions on talking about trials and tribulations...smaller words for younger kids.. and how they make us stronger...and make us better in the long run! How it is God's training ground. Devotions on perseverance were also helpful. And instruction on being a fair sport. To rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Temper tantrums were not aloud and they were disciplined for them. And if they couldn't do something without having a fit because they couldn't do it well then they weren't allowed to play that game or do that activity till they learned how to behave! They had to apologize to whomever needed an apology, the other kid and that child's parent and me. Then we would go off again and talk and I would try to encourage, but never let them off with bad behavior. The world is not fair. And I tried to tell them that there will ALWAYS be people who do things better than him...that's life! Buck up.. keep trying and quit crying...all said in gentle fashion, but that was the message. :)

This reminds me of my nephew (he's 20 something now) but when he was 3 he had the worst losing attitude! I'll never forget the day we were playing Nintendo and I won (I am 6yrs older).....He screamed a blooding curdling scream and bit the wire on the control so hard that the control part nearly fell off :lol:

He eventually grew out of it..

[imported_rachel]

Just to toss an idea into the ring...

Last week I heard someone talking about how with life on the farm, each child would have an important chore (or a few must-do to keep the place running tasks) that would give them a sense of accomplishment and purpose..
I guess having some special function (which may be anything, even the littlest thing for a 4 yr old??) may help fuel that "I can" attitude?
Maybe there is something around the house he could do to get that "part of the bigger machine" feeling? If he would want a job to do :wink:

[love2mom]

thanks to all of you for the encouragement and suggestions. In mulling over the situations, I think it will be important to choose the times to attempt new things and make sure it is not in a pressured situation or a time when ds is tired.

Temper tantrums are not accepted in our house either. The devtions are a good idea, and there are special jobs that the boys do, this is important too.